This Isn't the Help - It's a XXX Spoof Page #4

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Got dropped two streets over?

Mm-hm.

I know now that it's against the law,

what we're doing.

I've never seen you

out of uniform before.

You look really nice.

Thank you.

I ain't never had no white person

in my house before.

Miss Skeeter...

...what if you don't like what I

got to say... about white people?

This isn't about me.

It doesn't matter how I feel.

You gonna have to change my name.

Mine, Miss Leefolt's. Everybody.

Do you have other maids

that are interested?

That gonna be hard.

What about Minny?

Minny got her some stories,

sure enough,

but she ain't real keen on talking

to white peoples right now.

What does it feel like

to raise a white child

when your own child's at home being

looked after by somebody else?

It feel...

Is that your son?

Yes, ma'am.

Can we move on to the next question?

You don't have to call me ma'am.

Not here.

Uh...

Do you want to talk about the bathroom?

Or anything about Miss Leefolt?

How she pays you, or has she ever

yelled at you in front of Mae Mobley?

I thought I might write my stories down

and read them to you.

Ain't no different than writing down

my prayers.

OK.

Sure.

I don't say my prayers out loud.

I can get my point across

a lot better writing them down.

I write an hour,

sometimes two, every night.

And after my prayers last night,

I got some stories down, too.

Go ahead.

"My first white baby to ever look after

was named Alton Carrington Speers.

It was 1925, and I had just turned 14.

I dropped out of school

to help Mama with the bills.

Alton's mama died of lung disease. "

I loved that baby. And he loved me.

That's when I learned I could make

children feel proud of theyself.

Alton used to always be asking me

how come I was black.

Just ate him up.

And one time, I told him it was because

I drank too much coffee.

You should have seen his face.

This was just so great.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate

your doing this with me.

What changed your mind?

God.

And Miss Hilly Holbrook.

Miss Hilly, I would like to ask you

and Mr. William something.

My twin boys graduated from high school,

both on the honor roll.

Me and my husband, we been saving

for years to send them to Tougaloo.

We're short about $75

on one of the tuitions.

Whoo! I am late. I gotta get going.

See you tonight, honey.

OK.

Go on.

Well, now we're...

...faced with having to choose

which son can go if we don't

come up with the money.

Would you consider giving us a loan?

I'd work every day for free

till it was paid off.

That's not working for free.

That's paying off a debt.

Yes, ma'am.

As a Christian, I'm doing you a favor.

See, God don't give charity to those

who are well and able.

You need to come up with this money

on your own. OK?

Yes, ma'am.

You'll thank me one day.

You cooking white food,

you taste it with a different spoon.

If they see you put the tasting spoon

back in the pot,

might as well throw it all out.

Spoon, too.

And you use the same cup, same fork,

same plate every day.

And you put it up in the cabinet.

You tell that white woman that's where

you're gonna keep it from now on out.

Don't do it and see what happens.

Morning, ladies.

When you're sewing white folks coffee,

set it down in front of them.

Don't hand it to them,

'cause your hands can't touch.

And don't hit on they children.

White folks like to do

they own spanking.

And last thing. Come here.

Look at me.

No Sass-mouthing.

No Sass-mouthing.

I mean it.

Give your mama a kiss.

Leroy had made Sugar quit

school to help him with the bills.

And every day Minny

went without a job,

might have been a day Leroy

took her from our world.

Good morning, everybody.

But I knew.

I knew the only white lady Miss Hilly

hadn't gotten to with her lies.

Hey!

Come on!

No sass-mouthing, Minny Jackson.

No Sass-mouthing.

Aibileen said you'd be on time.

I'm Celia Rae Foote.

I'm Minny Jackson.

You, uh... cooking something?

One of those upside-down cakes

from a magazine.

It ain't working out too good.

Come on, let's get you a cold Coca-Cola.

Come on.

This here is the kitchen.

What in the hell?

I guess I got some learning to do.

You sure do.

Johnny's grandmama left him this house

when she died.

And then Johnny's mama

wouldn't let me change a thing.

But if I had it my way,

this place would be wall-to-wall

white carpet with gold trim.

None of this old stuff.

The main house has

five beds and baths,

and then the pool house has

two more beds and baths.

When y'all gonna start

having some children,

filling up all these empty beds?

- I'm pregnant now.

- Oh.

Gonna be eating for two.

That's double the cooking.

I know. It's an awful lotto do.

Five other maids have

already turned me down.

Let me at least get you some bus money.

Now, uh... when did you hear me say

I don't want to clean this house?

Wait. So you'll do it?

Ooh. No hugging. No hugging.

I'm sorry. This is the first time

I've hired a maid.

Come on.

- You hungry?

- No, ma'am. Hold on a minute.

We gots to talk about

some things first.

Oh.

I work Sunday through Friday.

No, you can't work at all

on the weekends.

OK. What time you want me here?

After 9:
00, and you gotta leave

before 4:
00.

OK.

Now...

What your husband say you can pay?

Johnny doesn't know

I'm bringing in help.

And what Mr. Johnny gonna do

when he come home

and find a colored woman in his house?

It's not like I'd be fibbing.

I just want him to think I can do this

on my own.

I really need a maid.

I'll be here tomorrow morning

about 9:
15.

Great.

- Miss Celia?

- Hmm?

I think you done burned up your cake.

Doggone it!

OK, let's see.

What's first up on the agenda?

We are running behind on our coat drive.

Hurry up and clean out those closets.

But our Christmas benefit, however,

is right on schedule. Mary Beth?

Well, thanks to y'all, I can announce

that we already filled

every raffle slot for baked goods!

Think we can put a dent in

African children's hunger this year?

A big dent!

Now...

...I just found out

the surgeon general

has reviewed the Home Health

Sanitation Initiative that I drafted,

and he passed it along

to Governor Barnett!

Skeeter, when can we expect to see

the initiative in the newsletter?

I gave it to you a month ago.

I gave that to you myself.

Would you please stand, Skeeter?

I'll have it in there real soon.

Great.

- Sorry I'm late.

- Hey.

Thanks.

Hilly, I really am sorry

about the newsletter.

It's just with Mama being sick and all.

Oh, it's fine.

I made you the egg and olive on rye,

Miss Skeeter.

Oh, thank you, Henry.

You remembered.

You're welcome.

Oh, Hilly, tell her.

I can hardly stand it.

He's coming.

Oh, Skeeter, Stuart's definitely

coming this time. Next Saturday week.

Well, he's canceled twice before.

Don't you think maybe that's a sign?

Don't you dare say that.

You know I'm not gonna be his type.

Damn it, Skeeter, I'm not gonna

let you miss out on this

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