To Be or Not to Be

NARRATOR:

Europe, 1936.

Nazi troops annex the Rhineland

without a shot being fired.

March, 1938:
The Anschluss.

Nazi troops annex Austria.

Again, not a shot is fired.

March, 1939. Nazi troops and tanks

move into the Sudetenland...

... and in a matter of days,

occupy all of Czechoslovakia.

No shots are fired.

August, 1939. Nazi troops mass

on the western border of Poland.

Europe stands precariously

on the brink of World War II.

But despite the threat

of imminent invasion...

... the Polish people forget their

troubles at the Bronski Theatre.

[SINGING IN POLISH]

Sweet Georgie Brown!

Sweet Georgie Brown!

Sweet Georgie Brown!

Bravo!

[SPEAKING IN POLISH]

Bravo, Anna! Bravo, Anna!

[SPEAKING IN POLISH]

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen.

In the interest of clarity...

... the rest of this movie

will not be in Polish.

- You get roses, and I get to watch.

- Well, I have to get some appreciation.

Appreciation?

What are you talking about?

You are not only my wife,

you happen to be the costar.

Bronski, here's the poster.

Is it okay?

- It's fine, Bieler. Fine.

- Fine? Just a minute. Come back here.

I don't mind my name in smaller print.

But in parentheses?

- I like it. It sets your name apart.

- Well, set yours apart.

Intermission! Intermission!

Let's set up for "Naughty Nazis. "

- Sondheim.

- Yes, Mr. Bronski!

- I can hear you. I'm not in Krakw.

- Sorry. Act 2, 10 minutes!

[MAN SHOUTS IN GERMAN ON RADIO]

- What is that?

- Hitler. He's threatening to invade us.

- Turn it off.

- Troops are massed at the border.

- I for one do not feel we can...

- Never mind.

There's an audience massed out front.

We have a show.

Mr. Bronski, don't you

read the papers?

It could be war.

The Ministry of Information...

Politics! That's their business!

We are in the theatre.

That's our business.

- Sondheim!

SONDHEIM:
Yes?

- How's business?

- Great!

We received another bouquet of roses

from our secret admirer.

And this time, we got a card.

- "I must see you. "

- He must see us.

"Lieutenant Andre Sobinski. "

It has to be that handsome young flier

in the third row.

Second row. How could I miss?

He's always in the same seat.

- Fourth from the aisle.

- Fifth.

All these flowers, night after night.

And on a lieutenant's pay!

- He must be hopelessly in love with me.

- Maybe his father's a florist.

MAN:

Me, My, Moe! Me, My, Moe!

- Tonight's receipts.

- Thanks, Bieler.

Ratkowski, get Ravitch!

You're going on!

- Ravitch! We're on.

- I know.

Me, my, moe!

Ravitch, we're doing "Naughty Nazis,"

not "Naughty Marietta. "

Terrible! Look what they're saying

in the papers.

Hitler is a monster. Hitler is a

madman. Hitler is a maniac!

It'll drive him crazy.

He'll be furious!

Yeah. The last thing we want

is a furious fhrer!

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes? What? He's coming?

Quick, hide those newspapers!

I will hide them where he will

never find them.

- Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!

- Heil myself.

Have you read the foreign papers?

- They call me a monster! A madman!

- Und a maniac!

What do they want from me?

I'm good-natured. I'm goodhearted.

I'm good-looking.

Every day, I'm out there trying

to make the world safe. For Germany.

I don't want war.

All I want is peace. Peace.

Peace!

A little piece of Poland

A little piece of France

A little piece of Portugal

And Austria perchance

A little slice of Turkey

And all that that entails

Und then a piece of England, Scotland

Ireland and Wales

Nobody's allowed here

during a performance!

A little nip of Norway

A little spot of Greece

A little hunk of Hungary

Oh, what a lovely feast

A little bite of Belgium

And now for some dessert

Armenia, Albania

And Russia wouldn't hurt

We're from the foreign office.

We must see Bronski.

I'm sorry, sir, but you can't.

He's on-stage.

A little piece of Poland

A little piece of France

A little piece of India

And Pakistan perchance

- Why did it come down?

- I've never been so outraged.

- Don't look at us!

- Sondheim!

- Who brought the curtain down?

- I was ordered to.

- Ordered to! By whom?

MAN:
By me.

- Who are you?

- Dr. Boyarski. These are my colleagues.

Wonderful. What gives you

the right to stop my show?

- We are trying to stop a war.

- What's that got to do with comedy?

Your presentation could be construed

as an insult to Hitler.

- It was meant to be an insult!

- Lupinski, shut up!

We cannot allow you to ridicule

the Third Reich. It's too risky.

Let me tell you something.

The curtain's going up...

...and we're gonna finish.

We are not backing down!

Then we're closing this theatre.

- We're backing down. Strike the sets.

- Thank you, Mr. Bronski.

- Let's get on with the next number.

- The next number isn't ready yet!

We'll use Klotski's Klowns.

Sondheim! Send in the clowns!

Klotski, get ready! You're going on!

- We're still 10 minutes short.

- What'll we do?

Pardon me, a thought.

- Shakespeare. I could do my Shylock.

- Shakespeare. Great idea, Lupinski.

One little change.

You don't do Shylock. I do Hamlet.

- Hamlet? What a wonderful idea.

BRONSKl:
I heard that.

Oy, the comedian gets to play Hamlet.

And me, a serious actor, gets to play

the first off-stage Nazi.

[HORN HONKS]

[HORN HONKS]

- He did everything.

- Oh, good! Mutki, Mama's baby!

- "Naughty Nazis" is out?

- Foreign office says it's offensive.

- What's gonna take its place?

- Bronski's gonna do his Hamlet.

- And that's not offensive?

- Offensive, yes.

- But convenient.

- What do you mean?

While he's busy with his soliloquy...

...our gorgeous young flier

could wing his way backstage.

Are you suggesting I have a rendezvous

with Lieutenant what's his name...

...while my husband's out on-stage?

Yes.

All right. But remember, you said it.

Ladies and gentlemen. There has been

a change in the program.

Tonight you will be honored

by Frederick Bronski's world-famous...

..."Highlights from Hamlet. "

[AUDIENCE GROANS]

Yes.

Is not more ugly

to the thing that helps it...

...than is my deed

to my most painted word.

O heavy burthen!

I hear the handsome

young prince coming.

Let us withdraw, my lord.

To be...

Or not to be.

...or not to be.

Excuse me.

- That...

ANDRE:
Pardon me.

...is the que...

- Excuse me.

- Que... question.

Pardon me.

- Whether 'tis nobler in the mind...

- Excuse me.

...to suffer the slings and arrows

of outrageous fortune.

Pardon me.

Or to take arms against

a sea of troubles...

...and by opposing, end them?

What happened? He's good tonight.

ANDRE:
I can't believe it.

I'm actually sitting here with you.

- You're Anna Bronski.

- Yes, I am.

You're the one who's been

sending flowers.

- They're expensive. You shouldn't.

- It's okay. My father's a florist.

- And that must be Mutki. Hello, Mutki.

ANNA:
Oh, you know his name.

I know everything about you. I've read

every word written on Anna Bronski.

- How's Kishka?

- Who?

- Kishka, your canary.

- Oh, Kishka, my canary.

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