To Grandmother's House We Go Page #3

You're impossible.

He's making my ears hurt.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

You should've gone

before we left the house.

I didn't have to go then,

but I have to go now.

Mister!

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Where the hell did you come from?

You said the H-word.

I gotta go to the bathroom,

and this is no joke.

Right. You kids sit down right here.

I'll find you a bathroom.

In the meantime, sing a cowboy song.

It takes your mind off your problems.

This is not working.

Just hold on. I'll get you

to a bathroom as soon as I can.

Doesn't this thing go any faster?

We're here. We're here.

Just hold your horses...

...and everything else.

All these turns are not helping.

Hang on. I'll get you down.

Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.

Okay. Okay.

Just keep saying, "l can hold it."

I can hold it. I can hold it. I can hold it.

Come on, Sarah, you can hold it.

I can hold it!

You heard her! Where's your bathroom?

All the way in the back.

-Hurry. Hurry.

-I'm hurrying. I'm hurrying. I know.

-Which way?

-Back that way.

-Hurry. Hurry.

-Just hang in there. Hang in there.

-Keep going, man.

-Okay, which way now?

Back here.

-Which one?

-The one with the dress.

-I was afraid of that.

-Keep moving. I'll get the door.

-Hey, buddy.

-It's just a drop-off. Go, kid, go.

I'm going. I'm going.

Oh, sorry.

You should be.

I think I'll go now.

I told her to go before we left...

...but she never listens.

She thinks she knows everything.

No kidding.

It's true.

I feel much better. Thanks, mister.

Don't mention it. I'm sure you'd

have done the same for me.

So let me get this straight:

You packed your bags,

rode your bike around the block...

...you hopped the bus,

looked at the Princess Penny dolls...

...then snuck in the back

of my truck...

...so I'd drive you to your

great-grandma's house in Edgemont.

You forgot we put chicken legs in a hat.

Oh, right.

I'm guessing your mom

doesn't know about this.

No. We're giving her a vacation.

She ought to be going nuts now...

...wondering where the hell

you two went.

Oh, yeah, the H-word.

-I'm sorry.

-Okay.

You ready to order?

I'll have peanut butter and jelly.

Peanut butter on top,

smooth, but not crunchy...

...and cut off all the crusts, please.

I'll have the same, but extra jelly, please.

I'll take the same thing.

You can leave my crusts on, please.

Gotcha.

Okay.

I've got all the information

I need. Definitely.

You've gotta find them, Detective Gremp.

Ma'am, I promise you, I'll find your

daughters as soon as possible. Absolutely.

That's the telephone.

-I know.

-Just doing my job.

-Hello?

-Hey, Rhonda.

This is Eddie Popko,

your favorite delivery boy.

Listen, I got your girls right here.

They're fine.

Oh, thank God.

Hang on. The girls have been found.

What did I tell you? Said I'd find them

as soon as possible. Absolutely.

-Thanks for all your help.

-I'll see myself out. Positively.

What are you doing with my girls?

This wasn't my idea. They snuck

into the back of my truck.

Tell me where you are. I'll get them.

I gotta finish up all my deliveries first,

then I'll swing by your house.

Oh, and Rhonda, by the way,

I do get 5 bucks an hour to babysit.

Just get back here, Eddie.

Yeah-- Well, you have

a nice day too, now.

It's all yours.

Okay, you guys ready to go?

Promise to take us to Grandma's?

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Look at you two slobs. Did you get

any of that sandwich in your mouth?

How come you don't like kids?

Well, you wanna know why?

I'll tell you why.

Because you're little.

You don't know nothing, you haven't done

nothing, and you got nothing to say.

Okay, smart guys. If you could do

anything in the world, what would you do?

-I would finger-paint.

-That is very fun.

Okay, well, I think I just made my point.

All right, coats on. Let's ride.

-Waitress! He forgot to pay the bill.

-I'll be right there.

We don't need an announcement.

I was gonna pay. I got the money here.

Just making sure.

-Yeah. All right, let's go.

-To Grandma's, right?

Right.

Wait for us.

I told you twinheads to stay in the truck.

We want to help.

Well, you can't help.

You're not a professional.

It took me two weeks of training

to earn this shoulder patch.

What do you do?

Well, l--

I give the customers their package,

and they sign for it.

You got a patch for that?

What do you want? Listen,

I'm trying to take a nap.

-Yes, sir. Package from FPD.

-Yeah, okay.

-Sign right here, please.

-Sure.

-Merry Christmas.

-Happy holidays.

Would you look at that?

Santa's little helpers,

helping out their dad.

Well, I think that calls for a little tip.

For you...

...and you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Here's one for you too, Dad.

-Well, thank you, sir.

Merry Christmas to you.

First tip I ever got on this crappy job.

I guess you could say Santa's little helpers

are Dad's little helpers today.

Thank you. So hard to find

a good babysitter.

Merry Christmas, now.

Yeah. Come on, girls, let's go.

-Sign right here, please.

-Aren't you cute?

Okay. Where? Here?

Looking good, girls.

This is for you.

This is for you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you, girls. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

-lce cream! Ice cream!

-lce cream! Ice cream!

We all scream for ice cream.

That's a good one.

-You never heard that one before?

-No.

That's because I just made it up.

All right.

-So, what kind of ice cream do you want?

-I want this one. No, this one. No.

-I want this one. Yeah. No that one.

-I want this one. No, that one.

No, that one.

-I know!

-I know!

-That one. This one.

-That one. No. That one. Yeah.

-No, I want this one.

-No, I want this one.

Just give them each a chocolate sundae

while I play Win-O-Lotto.

-Coming right up.

-I wanna play.

Me too.

Well, you've certainly been

good luck so far.

Help me pick my numbers.

When's your birthday?

-June 13, 1987.

-June 13, 1987.

But I came out first, so I'm older.

By one minute.

But I'm still older.

Okay. All right. 6, 13, 1 9, 8 and 7.

Sounds like a winner.

You know, I'm due to win this.

No, really. I have a system.

-Okay.

-Girls, feels like a winner.

-Can I hold it?

-Can I hold it?

All right, wait a minute.

I know where this is going. Okay.

You're the oldest,

you can keep it in your purse.

For the first half of the trip, and you're

gonna keep it for the second half.

Here's your sundaes.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Hey, she gots more whipped cream.

Hey, you got more nuts.

There. Now you're even.

That was very unpolite.

Hit it, girls.

You kids can keep your Guns and your

Roses. I'll take Roy Rogers any day.

A guy that can ride a horse and play the

guitar at the same time, now, that's talent.

Hey, look, there's Mommy's store.

Yeah, it is.

You're not taking us to Grandma's.

-I'm not?

-You're taking us home.

You kids may as well learn this now.

Grownups will say anything

to get kids to cooperate.

You take us to Grandma's right now.

This is no joke.

Well, I told your mom

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