Toy Soldiers

Hey, bring that back here!

Hey, Frank!

Frank, over here!

Frank, over here!

- Looking for this, Frank?

- Very funny.

The dean's waiting for you guys

back in your room.

A pleasure knowing you.

These two gentlemen are

deputy United States marshals.

They wish to have a word

with you, Mr. Donoghue.

- Me?

- Mm-hmm.

Let us have the room.

Close the door behind you.

It's just a precaution

we're taking...

with everyone involved

in the Enrique Cali case.

Especially with your father

since he's presiding in the case.

My father's been a federal judge

since I was five years old.

- What's he saying?

- You saw what happened.

They're talking about Phil's dad.

- He's a judge, right?

- Yeah.

It was on all three networks.

The boys are not allowed

to have TVs in their rooms.

Luis Cali, his son...

is passionately devoted

to his father.

He took over the Palace ofJustice down

there trying to get his father back.

The judge and two others

were killed.

- Is he in trouble?

- No.

- Something about Colombia.

- Good coffee.

Now, you know why they have to

take these precautions.

Your whole family will be put

in a very safe place.

They're taking him out today.

Where?

We can't tell you that, son, but it

will be a secure military installation.

You gentlemen may as well come in,

help your roommate pack.

- See you soon.

- We look forward to having you back.

- Thanks, sir. You too.

- All right.

- Billy.

- See you later, Phil. Rock 'n' roll.

Were you off campus yesterday?

I'm on probation, sir.

I'm not allowed off campus.

That's right. I forgot.

You know, somebody spray painted

the sheriff's car yesterday.

- Wrote the word "rejects" all over it.

- No kidding.

All right, you got away

with it this time.

But just remember,

I'm always gonna be watching you.

Lights out, boys.

Eat sh*t, Mr. Peterson.!

There go the dean

and the headmaster.

I can't go, man.

This paper's due in the morning.

Come on. They're ready.

Let's go, let's go. Come on.

Come on! Let's go.

Billy, this is your homework.

That's good. That's good.

Come on. Let's go.

Take it easy, man.

You're gonna break the window.

Am not.

- Shut up, Snuffy!

- Blow me.

Watch your head, man.

- That's like a spinal injury, man.

- Quiet.

I know you're mad, brother.

Nice hole, Billy.

Speaking of holes, anyone

have a sister? Call her up.

- I saw Joey's mom at the mall.

- You saw his mom?

With his sisters.

You guys better

leave my mom out of this.

- I love my mom.

- And you can, too, for 12 bucks.

As long as you're not talking

about my mother, everybody's cool.

Make yourselves comfortable.

The bar is open.

- Mr. Trotta, why don't you tend the bar?

- Mouthwash?

Yes, mouthwash. Or maybe not.

What's the deal, Billy?

You trying to tell me my breath stinks?

I wasn't saying your breath stinks.

Why do you take everything personally?

I don't think smoking when you

have asthma is such a good idea.

- Smoking isn't such a good idea, period.

- Gentlemen.

- Here's to Mr. Donoghue.

- Yes, to Phil.

- May he get laid while on the outside.

- Amen.

- This better not be mouthwash.

- Trust me.

"Trust me." A**hole.

This is mouthwash.

- No, it's not.

- Tastes like mouthwash. What is it?

Four parts 100 proof vodka...

two parts peppermint schnapps

for that mouthwash flavor...

and one part creme de menthe

to make it green.

You're a sick man.

I hope you know that.

That's the beauty of this concept.

It looks, smells, tastes like mouthwash.

We can keep liquor in plain sight

in our dorm rooms, right?

The best part, I sold 8 bottles

of this stuff for 35 bucks apiece.

We are rich.

You is a genius.

A lunatic, but a genius.

Mix me up another shot.

I'll work on the entertainment.

This stuff is great. It's opening up

my lungs, making me breathe easier.

- It's making you fart easier too.

- I didn't fart.

The first rule

of prep school etiquette:

When you're in a basement

with no windows, don't fart.

No, the first rule is to pretend you're

asleep when your roommate's beating off.

No, the first rule is to wait...

until your roommate falls asleep

before beating off.

Was that a remark

directed at me, roommate?

- You choke your chicken. It's yours.

- You slap your monkey all the time.

I can't sleep at night.

Speaking of beating off.

I'll do the talking.

This is Jennifer.

What's your name?

Steve.

Well, hello, Steve.

Oh, I like that name.

Tell me what you look like.

Well, I got blond hair...

and I wear an earring

in my left ear.

About five-nine, 150 pounds.

Did I mention I'm black?

Sounds very sexy, Steve.

Oh, I like long, blond hair

on a black man.

Oh, I also got long, blonde hair.

I'm not black,

but I'm very, very tanned.

I'm wearing black lace bra and panties

that look really hot against my skin.

Would you like me

to take my bra off?

Yes.

Yes, please.

My nipples are dark red.

Oh, very big, very hard.

I'm rubbing my breasts.

Oh, it feels so good.

Steve, I'm running my hands

down over my body now.

Slipping my thumbs

inside my panties.

Slip 'em in. Slip 'em in.

I'm completely naked except for

black stockings and high heels.

Would you like me to

leave them on or take them off?

Take them off. Now.

On. On. On. Leave them on.

Why don't you go ahead

and leave them on?

Steve, oh, you're so wicked.

I like it.

She likes that.

It's so soft, so big.

Oh, I just wanna touch it.

You want me to touch it,

don't you, Steve?

Yes.

By all means, touch it.

- "Oh, Steve. Oh, my God.!"

- Touch it, baby, touch it.

- Outstanding!

- "Oh, Steve."

Hide it. Everybody move.

Mr. Tepper.

Why am I not surprised?

This is ingenious.

Thanks.

What's this?

- Mouthwash?

- Oh, come on, Mr. Tepper.

You expect me to believe you crawled

to the basement just to drink mouthwash?

I'm trying to fight plaque.

Gingivitis. Tartar buildup.

I got a little...

- Are you alone down here?

- Yes, sir.

- Where's your roommate?

- Up in his room, I guess.

- Sh*t.

- Watch your mouth.

Come on out, Mr. Bradberry.

You too, Mr. Trotta.

May as well come out.

He was bluffing.

- Gesundheit.

- Thank you.

Mr. Giles and Mr. Montoya,

come out now.

Or I'll place a guard on this basement,

have a bed check of the entire school.

Gentlemen, I want to see

you all in my office...

at 9:
00 a.m. Sharp

tomorrow morning.

Go to your rooms now.

Move!

Not you, Billy.

This...

You know, this is

really, really ingenious.

No, noth...

Just put the little...

- Where'd you get this stuff?

- Radio Shack.

Really? Was it expensive?

No, no, I picked it up on sale.

On sale. Good. Here.

- Break it.

- What?

Throw it on the floor.

Smash it.

Use your foot.

Come on, come on. Use your foot.

Make believe it's my foot. Smash it.

That's enough.

Let's go.

This is the U.S. Border Patrol!

You think you're the first kid

to put liquor in mouthwash bottles?

You think you're the first kid

to put liquor in mouthwash bottles?

It was done in my day.

I might have even done it myself.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes