Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It Page #10

How can I be under arrest for bringing dope

to a government talking

that's about dope?

It's a gift, anyway. I'm f***ing

giving it to you, it's free.

- Are you trying to demonstrate something?

- Take it easy there, Bobby Barker,

this isn't the f***ing

Price is Right, okay?

You're not running the

f***ing show right now, I am.

You know what else is bullshit?

You can't smoke a joint, but you

can get drunk as f*** on liquor,

smoke cigarettes and sh*t

yourself to death, no problem.

You guys can all shut the f*** up.

We know that cigarettes will kill

you. How f***ed is that, guys?

You got no problem with that? You

guys can't get involved with dope.

You're going to f*** it up. You

f*** everything up with taxes.

I've never charged tax on my

f***ing dope when I sell it.

That's f***ed right there.

That's right! Cigarettes

are f***ing bullshit!

Sit down, sir.

F*** off, dick chin.

F***ing be nice to him.

That's my friend, Bubbles.

- Are you trying to be in charge?

- You're not in charge.

I'm not trying to be in charge...

Are you capable of

making a logical argument?

I don't even know what that means.

I think you just

answered my question.

I'm a weed grower. That's why

I'm f***ing here, for my rights.

My dad recently passed away and

I'm here for this f***ing cause,

and you should be listening

to me. Weed is a medicine.

It f***ing always has

been, it helps people.

We should be researching

the thernapeutic qualities,

not f***ing trying to throw

good people in jail like me.

Here, here!

That's f***ed up, man,

because of f***ing Santa

Clause here. That's bullshit.

Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!

I'm suing the Canadian government for

11 years radioactive lost f***ing wages

and a 25-year medical

marijuana license.

Sir, this is not a court,

this is a public hearing.

Well, I can't f***ing

afford a court.

So I'm going to make this my f***ing

court, if that's okay with everybody.

Is that cool?

Yes! Court is in session!

Let's hear it for Ricky!

You definitely smoke dope.

Christmas dinner, turkey

dinner, I guaran-f***ing-tee it.

You f***in' smoke dope, don't ya?

You guys can't decriminalize it, okay?

If you do, you got to

decriminalize me and my past.

Don't legalize it! Please, don't

f***ing legalize it! You can't!

It's not f***ing fair! F***ing hippoclits!

Yeah, you're gonna keep that weed aren't you?

I bet you're gonna f***ing

smoke it at lunch time!

- F***ing hippoclits!

- Alright, we'll take a break now.

Oh, ugh... Let's

find the car, Rand.

Agh...

Can't we just get some

cheap flights and fly home?

Can a car fly home, Randy?

Hey, Ricky, you were great in there.

Listen, I'm a lawyer,

okay? Here's my card.

I think I can't get that political arrest

thrown out in court in, like, a week,

and I can probably get you a

medical marijuana license, alright?

Keep in touch! Rockstar case!

- I can help you, alright?

- F***ing awesome.

Sloooooooooow

Fried baloney

F*** off, Randy.

How ya doin', bud?

Sloooooooow

Fried baloney

Randy!!!

You were f***ing

awesome in there, Ricky.

Thanks. I think the old man

would have been proud of me.

F***ing right, he woulda

been. That was amazing.

Take it easy. F***.

Well, look who's going to jail.

Over six plants is a year, Ricky.

Back off!

- Give me my f***ing car keys, Bubbles.

- I don't have your f***ing car keys.

- Get him, Randy.

- Give us the keys.

F*** off!

I got 'em.

- Back off.

- What's that?

Look who's wearing the

sh*t shoes now, Ricky.

F*** this! Mr. Lahey

planted the coke on Julian.

I'll testify to that,

Bubbles. Let me go.

Put the f***ing Taser down, Lahey.

You love Randy. Don't

electrocute him in his belly.

You're next, Bubbles.

Now, I'm gonna f*** ya.

- What the f***, bud? Yeah...

- I got this, Bubbles.

Let's go! I've been waiting to fight

you my whole f***ing life, Lahey.

Punch in the face, Ricky?

F***! That was good a

shot, you f***in' idiot.

Ah, f***!

Freeze!

One little drink, for courage.

Agh...

Guess you lose and I

win this one, huh, fucky?

No... I won.

I'm really disappointed in Randy.

We decided to take a

little break for a while.

My decision.

Good news, the Taser shock

somehow reversed my stroke.

I've never felt... I haven't felt

this good in many, many years.

Good, one, two.

I'm dating again in here.

I've only got seven months

left, which is great.

White liquor's what f***ed me up.

For f***'s sakes. Randy!!!

I thought I'd miss

him, but I don't.

I'm also hooking at night again.

Good choice for me.

Well, I guess Lucy got tired

of banging George Green.

She kicked him out of the

trailer, which is great.

And I'm spending a lot more

time around Trinity, and...

things aren't 100% between me and

Lucy, but we'll see how things go.

Hey, if Stretch-Arm-Weak's here, that

must mean Julian's out the joint.

- You know what I'm saying?

- Hey, Jacob.

- Look at that f***in' sign.

- Ray Christ!

Hey Sarah, how's the pH?

- It's good.

- Good.

- How'd we do?

- Real good.

- Holy f***!

- Cool, boss?

- Yeah.

- Alright, let's go, babe.

- Want some soups?

- One can each.

Guess who's out, dawg.

You're looking at

him. I'm a free man.

Judge gave him bail. It was a female

judge and I think she was feeling him.

I admit it, I've made

some mistakes in my life.

And... maybe the piss game was

the biggest mistake of my life

because not only did it...

f*** me up financially...

it f***ed me up emotionally.

For the first time in my life,

I actually don't feel like

telling the government to f*** off.

They dropped all the charges,

which is f***ing great.

And they offered me a license to grow

medical marijuana for five f***ing years.

So for the first time in my

life, I am growing f***ing weed

and it's totally legal.

Which is the way it should be.

It's the new f***ing mellemium.

Watch out for Randy!

Straight back,

Ricky, straight back!

10 more feet Ricky, 10 more feet!

Okay, cut her there!

Cut her, cut her!

Straight back.

Brakes, Ricky!

Yes!

New crib's dope, Bubbles.

- Thanks.

- You own all this?

- It's all mine boys, come on in.

- Sweet, man.

- Make yourselves at home, boys.

- I'm going to roll a joint.

I'm not here to f*** with you guys.

What's going on, Randy?

Are you... hooking again?

Yeah, I am.

You be surprised how many

freaky-ass motherfuckers

are in to big-gutted

hairy b*tches.

Listen man, I really appreciate

what you did for me, Randy.

- You're alright, bud.

- Thanks, Julian.

- Alright, alright, alright.

- Thanks a lot.

- Ricky, you got mail.

- What the f*** is that?

Hey J-Roc, do we got a CDR?

Whoa, hey, ahem... Ricky.

Hey buddy, it's the old man.

As you can see, I'm alive and well.

Living in a dump in

Florida, making liquor...

In fact, I'm kinda drunk

right now buddy, so...

gi... give me a second.

So Rick, listen, I uh...

I did an insurance scam,

buddy... Life insurance.

Made $11,000.

$11,000! I mean, you know how far

that would go in a Florida dump?

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