Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It Page #2

him down, put him in a hold.

And I don't know what happened,

the guy f***ing sucker-punched me.

Knocked me out in

front of everybody.

I mean, even my doorman saw it.

That forced me to step

back and say to myself,

"Julian, are you a f***ing

bouncer, or are you a businessman?"

My business has been up and

running for two months now.

- Private.

- Good evening, Sergeant.

Go for it.

Shhh.

Come on, go, go, go.

- Nice job, buddy.

- Thanks, Julian.

Oh! Jesus Christ, Jacob!

Jacob, turn the piss off!

- F***!

- I'm really sorry, Jules.

Man, you're here almost every day,

someone's going to notice something.

This stuff is liquid

f***ing gold, okay?

These guys in Montreal want

the whole f***ing thing.

It's going to make you

and I a lot of money.

Julian's got the Lincoln!

- Hey, man.

- Drink?

Yeah, sure.

I got a little present for

you too, man, from the harvest.

- Here you go, bud.

- Right on. Thanks, buddy.

F***ing best I've ever grown.

- Looks good, man.

- Smooth as f***.

What the f***'s wrong with you?

Oh, look at Mr. Fancy.

In a move that has raised eyebrows

for some and hopes for others,

Canada's Justice Minister today issued

an invitation to marijuana activists

to speak at a hearing in Ottawa

on a conspicuous date, April 20.

That puts the hearing on the same date

that thousands of pot activists will gather

for their annual 4/20

smoke-in on Parliament Hill.

People are lining up in Ottawa for

a chance to have their voices heard.

Meanwhile, others are confidently predicting

full legalization within a matter of months,

effectively creating

Canada's marijuana industry.

What the f*** does that mean?

What the f*** are they saying?

They want to legalize

it. It's going to happen.

They can't legalize dope now. I mean,

look what I've got going on here.

This took me everything

I had to get this going.

I just can't f***ing believe

this is happening right now.

Listen, man, this

is what we gotta do.

We've got to sell all

of our product right now

and get the f*** out while we can.

We gotta merge our

companies together.

- What does that mean?

- We gotta be partners.

I don't want to be rude here,

but I have a serious f***ing problem

with the product that you're selling.

- Why?

- Because it's a f***ing embarrassing.

What if Lucy... Not to mention

Lucy, what if Trinity, my daughter,

finds out I'm selling

piss with Julian?

- They're not going to know.

- Do you know what they call Jacob?

- What?

- Your piss chimp!

I can't even believe

that you're doing that.

You've really got me thinking

with this Ottawa sh*t right now.

F***.

I'm sure Bubbles is going to want to

f***ing do it, he's broke right now.

No, no, no, don't in-f***ing-volve

Bubbles in this, man.

I'm really f***ing

worried about Bubbles.

He's really, really the most

f***ed I've ever seen him.

He's drinking constantly,

he's on his little chicken

bike driving around drunk.

I don't think he's

making a lot of money.

He just doesn't seem happy. He's

living under J-Rods f***ing step.

- Hey, man.

- Hey, Bubbles.

Hey, B, the old man and the fat boy

was here looking for you's

stayin', know what I'm saying?

What? What did they want?

I don't know what they want, they stank.

But I do know what me and Sarah want.

Two years ago he got out the joint,

I was like, "Come crash with us."

I got a spot under my stoop, you

can crash there as long as you want.

I didn't mean two years,

dawg. Two f***ing years dog.

Two years.

Calgary rap battle championship ring.

Hey, I got mad love for all my

past b*tches, you know what I mean?

But none of them b*tches was able to

push up on me the way that Sarah...

- She my main... she my... she my b*tch.

- You better watch it.

One thing I wish he would excel at a

little more is moving the f*** on, dawg.

- What's going on, boys?

- The f*** outta here, man.

What is this, some kind

of a f***ing intervention?

It's a friend-tervention, dawg.

It's time to move, know what I'm saying?

You're my boy, but it's time to be a man.

- Yeah, I do know what you mean.

- Well, that's a good start.

Yeah, I'll get my stuff

packed up and be on my way.

Movin' swish in your stomach

from here to somewhere else

don't count as moving.

I don't want to sound

ungrateful, you know?

I do appreciate everything

J-Roc and Sarah have done for me.

Want some beans?

You f***ing love beans, yeah.

They're a little bit hot,

I should have warned you.

40 bucks a month has been the rent.

It's actually been quite nice, but...

apparently now, the sentiment is

that maybe I've overstayed my welcome.

What the f***?

Trin!

Dad, I'm sorry, the

transmission is f***ed.

- It's stuck in reverse.

- Totally f***ed, Ricky.

Hey, I appreciate you not making that

kind of language in front of my daughter.

I also appreciate you not

working on my f***ing car.

Just stick to mall security, okay?

Chasing kids around the food court.

Chhh, copy? Chhh, Georgie?

- You look good, Luce.

- You look good too, Rick.

You look f***ed.

Brought that for you.

- So reverse still works?

- Yeah, yeah it's fine.

Hi, Bubbles.

This letter was sent to

the old Sunnyvale PO box.

Address was hard to

read, so we opened it.

- You read my mail, Randy?

- Sorry, Bubbles.

Three black!

Mr. Lahey, check this out.

I found this suit thing and

respirator thing in Julian's bag.

Tag it and bag it, Randy. Put

it with the rest of the evidence.

Something happened to Julian.

I don't know what it was.

But do you remember all those

girlfriends he used to have?

Beautiful women, day and night,

back and forth to his trailer.

All of a sudden,

just up and stopped.

What the hell have we got here?

- Look at that, Randy.

- Meth c*cks?

F***, it's Ricky.

- Is he coming here?

- Looks like it.

Oh, sh*t! Go see what he wants.

See what he wants, Randy.

Guys, I just want to f***ing come

in, have a nice peaceful talk.

- Ricky...

- Frig Off, Ricky.

- Ricky! This is trespassing, Ricky!

- Ricky!

Just calm down, guys.

I hear you fucky-donkies

are snooping around.

- What the hell do you want, Ricky?

- If you guys want my garbage,

I'll just bring it to you every

day. Is that what you want?

Ricky! For f***'s sakes!

Why don't you go outside and

play some f***ing dandelions

or some sprinklers there,

Randall? Just shutty that fucky!

What's with your hair, man?

You think you're a f***ing Beavil

or something? You look f***ed.

Oh, thanks, guys.

So Jim, why don't you tell me,

what the f*** are you looking for?

I'll tell you what

we're looking for, Ricky.

We found these c*cks

in Julian's garbage.

So what if someone threw c*cks

in the garbage? Who cares?

If you guys haven't noticed, this

trailer park is going to sh*t again.

So why don't you and Fuckgut Bobannaran,

or whatever the f*** you call him,

go and do your little

trailer-park dummy-jobs

instead of digging through peoples

garbage trying to find c*cks.

Ricky, Julian cannot have a goddamn

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes