Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It Page #3

meth lab in this f***ing park.

Meth?

He's selling piss,

you f***ing dumb-dumb.

- Piss?

- Drug piss.

When people are on drugs and

get tested, they need clean piss.

That's what he's selling.

Ricky, I know this isn't the right time,

but could I get 10, 20 grams from you?

- Randy!

- What?

Yeah, I could probably

make that happen, Randy.

Ricky, you been

watching the news lately?

Hear what's going on in Ottawa?

They're going to make marijuana legal.

Know what that means, Ricky?

Means you're out of business.

Yeah, I seen the news, and guess what?

I'm going to f***ing Ottawa. And

they're not going to get it legal

if I have anything to

do with it. F*** that.

Really? Yeah, you're gonna

go in that, are you, Ricky?

Hey Rick, little bit of advice,

don't count your chickens

before they sh*t, Rick.

Oh yeah? Little piece of advice for

you. Why don't you accept the fact

that I'm going to be f***ing

growing dope in this park again?

Just accept it, 'cause there's

nothing you can f***ing do about it.

Stay out of my sh*t,

boys, okay? Love you guys.

Nice, Randy, nice.

The park's spring

cleanup is now on.

Please take all your garbage, or

any sh*t you want to throw away.

Old washing machines,

whatever the f*** it is.

Take it all to the supervisors'

trailer and leave it on the front lawn.

Thank you, park spring cleanup.

What time is it, King Of The Dot? Time

for some suckas to get knocked out.

You know what I'm saying?

Hang on, one second.

There you go, white

boy. Go the f*** on.

Some white boy from the park,

you know what I'm? Buying dope.

Doin' a good business, dawg. Anyway,

them motherfuckers goin' to Montreal,

so I don't know if they want you

to roll with 'em, know what I mean?

But I'm gonna axe Julian

for you right quick.

Hang on one second.

5-0.

I'm gonna tape it for World Star

Hip Hop, know what I'm saying?

Just in case some sh*t goes

down, dawg, I got this evidence.

What's up, motherf***er?

I know what's goin' on,

you think I know where

T is 'cause I'm white?

Just some white boy

in a cop car, dawg.

Anyway, I'm gonna axe Jules, I'll

let you know what he says. Ah!

Where the f*** did

the snow come from?

Freeze my unit off out here.

Hey, boys. How's she

goin'? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Look at this.

- Ooh, what's this?

That's not your chicken.

I don't want any f***ing trouble here.

Ah!!!

Ah, f***. Help me...

There was four of them.

Cocksuckers chicken-jacked me.

Officer, could you grab that

letter on the ground for me, please?

I think I'm going

into shock. Thank you.

Cocksucker!

It's only a matter of time till

the 5-0 smokes him out though, dawg.

They always search my trailer, you

know what I'm saying? And he was like,

"Think Julian would be alright if I went

to Montreal with them motherfuckers?"

And I was like, "I'm gonna axe."

What's poppin', tighty?

Excuse me, I'm Dr. J-Roc,

you know what I'm saying?

I'm gonna prescribe

this for your mouths.

- Sayin' you, boy.

- Thanks, J-Roc.

You got the Rainmen

game on your EastLink.

- What happened to you?

- Oh, I got jumped by some sh*t rats.

I think I got a broken rib.

Couple scrapes and cuts.

I'm alright, though.

You know, it's okay in here,

actually. The bed's quite comfy,

I got a nice TV

and the food's okay.

You got a broken rib while

you was delivering chicken?

- Chicken and ribs?

- Stop.

- Chicken and ribs.

- J-Roc, stop it. It hurts to laugh.

Dawg, go to school, know

what I'm saying? Upgrade.

Go to community college,

be a veterinary assistant.

Work at the convenience store, dawg, but

don't be slangin' chicken at your age.

Man that houndstooth, sweat

pant, tearaway b*tch...

No man of his age should be wearing

that sh*t, trying to get by in life.

F***, Bubbles! What

the hell happened, man?

Oh, I got jumped delivering

chicken, f***ing wasted.

Police report called it a drunken fight

over chicken, they're not pursuing it.

I don't want to

talk about it, Ricky.

We can't just let some f***ing

ballsucks beat you up, man.

That's bullshit. We gotta go find

- these f***ing guys right now.

- Shh!

Don't f***ing shush me.

Here man, take this,

it'll f***ing help you out.

Any more beers around, boys?

Excuse me, excuse me. Ah...

Look, your ribs are

bruised, but not broken.

Take these and rest

up. You can go home.

Actually, all of you.

- Right now, please.

- Gotta finish our drinks here, bud.

We're going right now, doctor.

Thank you for everything.

- Right now.

- 'Cause we're not rich enough, like you?

I bet I'll make more f***ing

money than you will this year.

Boys, can we just...

Let's all go to Julian's

house, like old times,

and just chill out and have

some drinks. What do you say?

I'm gonna bust to f*** home,

you know what I'm saying?

But I'm glad you alright, man.

- Thanks J-Roc.

- What I'm gonna tell T, dawg?

- Tell him I'll think about it.

- Think about it quick dawg, clock's tackin'.

What'd Phil say?

He said Julian rented the Dirty

Burger for a drive to Montreal.

He's also looking to

buy used deep-freezers.

Yeah, well I'm not

attracted to Julian anymore.

Huh?

It's not Julian we want,

it's Ricky we want to track.

I've got an idea.

How much money we got in

our vacation fund, bud?

Mr. Lahey, no.

Yeah, Randy, yeah.

My God, look at all the piss.

What's up with the big

box of birds, Julian?

There my supervised

test kits, Bubbs.

They're 80 bucks each, I get 60 bucks

in profit for these f***in' things.

Listen, I need to talk to you guys

about something important, though.

What's up, man?

Julian, can you stop handling

the wieners for one second?

- Want a toke?

- It's important.

Listen, Randy dropped

off this letter.

It's from a lawyer.

Apparently, my parents passed away.

I'm sorry, man.

Easy.

Ah... f***, man. You okay?

Yeah. I know what it feels like,

if you need someone to talk to.

It f***in' sucks.

No, I'm okay. I mean, f***,

I didn't even know them, you know?

It's sad and everything,

but I'll be alright.

- Boys, they left me a house.

- They left you a f***ing house?

They left me a house and a

big piece of land in Kingston.

- Nice!

- Look I got the deed right here.

Lawyers have been

trying to track me down.

Look at this, this

is the final notice.

It says if I don't claim it,

they're going to take the house,

and the land, and all the

possessions and put it up for auction.

Like, I need to deal

with this right away.

Well, I can get you to f***ing

Kingston. Just come with me to Ottawa.

We'll both get high as f***, help me

tell those government d*cks to f*** off,

and then we'll go to the house.

Are you going to drive all

the way there in reverse, Rick?

I can fix my f***ing

transmission, Julian.

Just keep playing with your little

c*cks, okay? Don't worry about me.

Yes, Francis and Dillon.

Yes, I'm their son, Bubbles.

No, I will be there, I'll bring all

my identification and everything.

But I will be there as

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