Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It Page #5

to end up in jail.

If that's what you're worried

about, it's not going to happen.

Oh, I'm not going to

f***ing jail, believe me.

When we get to Kingston,

maybe I should just stay there.

You know, new house,

new piece of land.

Maybe I'll start a f***ing

goat farm or something

and just be done with this.

Hey.

Holy f***, look at the

unicorn collection now.

- Yeah, I know.

- I got you a new one.

Oh, it's awesome!

Thank you! Errrrr!

Nice.

Remember that time in the

bathroom at the midtown?

Yeah!

- Oh, hey, George.

- What's going on here, Luce?

Um, Rick just popped around.

Just dropping off some

dope and unicorns, George.

- Dropped by with dope and unicorns...

- Yeah, I dropped by

with some f***ing dope and

unicorns there, Fucky McFuckSnapper!

You got a problem with that,

you got a problem with me.

So Rick went back to jail, again, which

was a deal-breaker for me, 'cause...

So, I was at the mall, and George

was there, and he started coming over,

and he started staying over, and he's

here more and more and more, and...

You know, he, uh...

and I are fine, and...

that's what we have going now.

- What do you think's going on?

- Well I don't know, Luce.

- It doesn't look very good to me here, right?

- Holy f***, you're stupid, George.

There's nothing going on.

I'm going on a little trip.

I stopped by to say goodbye to

Lucy and my f***ing daughter.

If you have a problem with

that, we got a problem.

Look, you guys broken

up or what? Just tell me.

Or is this just some

game and I'm the dumb guy?

I totally agree with ya. But

you're gonna have to talk to Lucy

about how dumb you are. I gotta go.

See ya later, Rick.

George, you got something right there.

What the f*** is that? Oh, there it is.

What the f***?

F***ing Ricky!

F***!

- Mr. Lahey?

- In here Bandy-Ran.

Banny, the cops won't

come when we call.

But guess who will?

Bomb squad, Randy.

They will act swiftly

and with consequence.

They won't find a bomb, but

guess what they will find?

Cocaine.

We follow Ricky today, we plant

it and then we make the call.

They find this much sh*t powder on

Ricky, he's doing ten years, Randy.

It's Ricky.

Have a good trip, boys. Good luck.

Cheers, man.

Jesus, Ricky... Here,

hold that for one second.

What's the voltage of this?

Bubbs, you're asking the wrong

guy here, I have no f***ing idea.

That doesn't make

any f***ing sense.

- Hey T. What's up, man?

- What's going on, Bubs? How you doin' man?

- Hey, T, what's going on?

- What's happening, man?

- I guess you're on the run, are ya?

- Man, I had to get

the hell out that halfway

house, it's crazy in there, man.

Julian man, thanks

for the ride man.

- I appreciate it.

- No problem, no problem.

I'm starving, any food

around? Any drinks or anything?

I'm starving.

I got some old swish

here I've been drinking.

- I'll take it.

- You can have that,

- I got a few gummy worms.

- I'll take those too, man.

- You'll want those.

- Thanks, Bubbs.

Alright, you get in the

camper and you lay low, man.

I gotta love T, he my

boy from back in the day.

Got love for them three motherfuckers.

Googley-eyeing b*tches and drinking and sh*t.

But at the same time,

I got madder love for Sarah.

She's right in front of my eyes all

these years, you know what I'm saying?

They want me to come, I'm

like, "F*** outta here, man."

You hired him? The cops

are looking for him.

Bubbs I didn't hire him, I'm

dropping him off in Moncton.

It's dangerous.

Listen, he's a friend, he

needs to get out of town.

That's f***in' dangerous. I don't

want to be in that situation.

He's driving with me,

you're driving with Jacob.

Don't worry about it.

Okay, let's go get the Dirty

Burger and load up the freezers.

Where the f*** is Jacob?

F***, there's Phil, Julian,

and he's standing guard.

Jacob, back to the house.

Hey, Phil.

F*** off, Julian, there's no way

you're using the Dirty Burger.

- What?

- Get the f*** out of here!

- You go... get... Clear off!

- What's he talking about?

He knows everything

Julian, I'm sorry.

Jacob, why did you tell him?

- Get in the house, Jacob.

- Jacob, get the f*** out here.

Julian is the kingpin

con of course, and...

and, um, Jacob's always

looked up to Julian,

and... always had a hero crush

type thing on him, for f***'s sake.

It's tough for a dad to

compete with sometimes.

He had a career in the military and

you went and f***ed it up, you bastard.

Listen, I'm taking the

Dirty Burger, we had a deal.

And your son's coming with me.

You never mentioned nothing

about driving piss to Montreal

- in a food truck, now f*** off!

- Go get Jacob please.

T, start up the Dirty

Burger. Listen, we had a deal.

I already f***ing paid you, okay?

- Don't f***ing resist, Jacob.

- I'm not allowed!

You're f***in' coming with us!

Julian, he's a lot f***ing

stronger than he looks!

- Bubbs, get him out of here!

- I'm not finished with you yet.

- You son of a b*tch.

- Wrap that f***ing hose around him.

You goddamn bastards.

- Shut the f*** up, man.

- You f***ing bastards.

- Phil, don't make me f***in' hammer you.

- You want it? 'Cause you can get it, man.

- Stay in the goddamn house, son!

- Jacob, get the f*** over here!

T, give me a hand here, drag

this big bastard up the street.

- F***in' sons of whores!

- Oh, f***, quit complaining.

- Goddamn it!

- Phil, just f***ing relax.

Ah...

Jesus Christ!

- God, I f***ing hate dealing with him.

- You prick!

But the bastards overwhelmed me and

before I know it they were f***ing gone.

Come back here, you bastards!

F***ing thing!

Keep that on channel 4.

By myself? I don't want to drive

by myself. What if I fall asleep?

Bubbs, what do you

want me to do here?

Well, maybe I should go

ask Ricky if he'll come.

- I'll ask him one more time.

- We don't need Ricky.

No, we don't need

him, I realize that,

but I'd like to have him there as

my friend. This isn't all about you.

Ricky is our friend, don't forget.

They're pulling on me like

I'm a goddamn wishbone.

That's what I feel

like. I feel like...

you know, they're just pulling on

me and I'm going to snap, eventually.

I'm hitcheling to Ottawa, f*** it.

It's no big deal. Somebody

will f***ing drive me.

Thing is, I've got to go,

'cause if they make this legal...

big business is going to swoop

in and make millions of dollars.

Government will tax

the cock off that.

What about guys like me that

have been growing for years?

Providing great dope to people.

Helping people out, going to jail...

To add assault to injury we get

f***ed out of ever growing again.

Ricky, what are you doing?

You're not hitchhiking, are you?

- That's greasy.

- I got no other f***ing choice.

- Why don't you let me drive you?

- Where's Jacob?

He's not coming now, it was a

big sh*t show with Phil Collins.

I'm in here by myself. At least

let me drive you up to the highway.

I'm not f***ing working for Julian.

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