Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It Page #6

Ricky, you wouldn't be, you'd

just be keeping me company.

Come on, let's go.

We can stop at the gas station,

we'll get some microwave twisters.

Microwave twisters...!

Ricky's getting in the van.

- Got your cellphone, bud?

- Yup, right here.

Living the f***in'

dream, Afghanerandy.

And we're off!

Good drink, Randy.

I've been feeling

kind of funny

Everything is sunny...

Cocksucker looks like

she's running a little hot.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah...

Looks alright.

Dirty Dancer, this is Tumbleweed,

what's your 20? Come on back.

- Tumbleweed to the Dirty Dancer?

- CB handles Ricky,

- we need to use discretion.

- Cool.

You there, Bubbs?

It's Tumbleweed. Go ahead. Over.

Ricky wouldn't happen

to be with you, would he?

No, no, no, no, no...

Uh, that is a negative,

Dirty Dancer, over.

Man, what a dummy.

They're gonna arrest him

and he's gonna make a

f***ing fool of himself.

Oh well f*** him, you know, but what's that?

12 grand split two ways, that's even better.

Ah, let's just stay off the

radios now, Dirty Dancer.

Let's just keep it for

emergencies only. Over.

Copy that, bud. I'm hungry.

We'll get something to eat in

Moncton in an hour or so, you cool?

Copy that, let's go

hammer down double nickels.

Watch out for Moncton

city kitties. Over.

What?

CB talk. Go fast and watch

out for Moncton city cops.

Do you think I'm going

to make a fool of myself?

Ricky, I think you just do

whatever you're gonna do.

You'll be alright. I'm just glad

you're here. Who's got your belly?

- How ya doing, bud?

- I'm tired.

Tired? Randy, come on

now, have a little fun.

- I wish we could just go home.

- Of course you do,

'cause you're just a big baby.

Have a little drink, Randy.

- I don't want a drink.

- Randy, have a little. Come on, man.

I don't want to party alone. Don't

get too close, don't get too close...

Thanks Bubbs. It's gonna be fun,

man. I got a ton of joints rolled.

Four c*cks of pepperoni.

You want a cock?

Yeah, break me off

half a cock, Ricky.

- Here, Bubbs.

- Thanks.

At least we're doing

something with our lives.

- Not selling f***ing piss.

- Yeah.

I just feel like I have to do this.

I got to try to change the world.

It's bullshit, what

the government's doing.

F***ing legalize

it, now of all times.

They're gonna hire about

10,000 f***ing people,

but they won't hire me,

'cause I've been in jail

for growing f***ing

dope! How f***ed is that?!

- It's a hard cock to suck Ricky.

- F***ing government.

Hard cock to suck.

- Ah!

- I can't believe you spent

- $9,800 of our vacation money on coke.

- Randy...

It's worth thrice that much

money to get rid of the...

f***ing Three Shitkateers, bud.

You must be pumped to

see this f***ing house.

Oh, I'm f***ing very excited,

Ricky, you have no idea.

I mean this could be a

f***ing... This is a life-changer!

I could own a mansion!

I don't even know!

Cool if it had, like, a skating rink

or something too, to play hockey.

Well, I doubt it's going to

have that, but I mean, it could.

- Or a barn with a rink in it or something.

- Yeah.

What the f*** is going on up there?

F***, I hope nobody

got hurt, Ricky.

It's got to be a f***ing

accident or something.

I don't like being around all

these cops, Bubbs, with this weed.

I know Ricky, I know.

Just don't act suspicious.

How's it going, officer?

I got 3 pounds of weed on me.

It f***ing stinks.

That looks like the

goddamn Dirty Burger.

F***, it is, Ricky. Jesus,

the fireman slipped in the pee.

- Oh my God!

- There's T. They got him, Ricky.

Bubbles to Julian, come

in. What the f*** happened?

- Where is he?

- I don't know!

Julian, what's going

on? Are you okay?

Bubbles to Julian, come in.

Oh my God!

Is that him? Is that

him up there, Ricky?

Keep going, Bubbles,

pretend you don't see him.

Ricky, f*** off!

I am not going to f***ing jail!

We don't have room for him, anyway!

Ricky, we're pulling over and

getting him! He's our friend!

We're stopping.

- Are ya alright?

- You're spilling piss everywhere!

Fire started in the batteries.

By the time I got pulled over,

the entire Dirty Bird

goes up in f***ing flames.

I grabbed as much piss as

I could and I f***ing ran.

T, he got f***ing busted!

- I know, we saw him.

- Good man, lost to the piss game.

Boys, I'm not going to

f***ing jail over piss.

- Let's make that clear.

- No kidding,

we gotta get the f*** out of

here. Go, Bubbles! Let's go!

How much product

did you lose, Julian?

Well, I've got about 400 units

here, so we lost a lot of good piss.

Oh my f***. So... like what,

we're down to 3 grand each?

Something like that?

Yeah, unless dicky-nuts

wants to get involved there.

You do smell like piss, Julian.

We probably should try to find

a truck-stop shower or something.

Next thing you know, you'll be

probably selling sh*t for some reason.

Ricky!

Chug-a-lug chug-a-lug

A lot of people don't

know how to drink.

They drink against the

grain of the liquor.

And when you drink against the

grain of the liquor... you lose.

What the f*** are

you talking about?

I wonder if there'd

be a dump in heaven.

A dump?

Well, a place in heaven where they

throw everything they don't need.

Yeah, Ricky, there'd

be a dump in heaven.

I bet that's where the

old man's hanging out.

Yeah, I betcha he his, Ricky.

I betcha he's up there...

drinking liquor and listening

to f***ing truckin' music.

I still can't f***ing

believe he's gone.

I get snuck in

For my first taste of sin

I said let me have

a big old sip

I done a double back-flip

Chug-a-lug chug-a-lug

Make u wanna holla hidy hoe

Chug-a-lug chug-a-lug...

Holy f***, you smell like weed.

Ha, I should. I got 3

pounds I'm taking to Ottawa.

You've got 3 pounds

of weed in this van?

No, it's not in the van, calm down,

it's in my coats. Sewed right in.

Ah... Ricky, we weren't doing

anything illegal. Now we are.

- Thanks a lot!

- Mr. Paraloid.

Yeah, he should be paraloid.

I'm f***ing... nervous myself.

That's a lot of dope, we could go

to jail. I'm getting nervous here.

Sheesh, Rand. Stinkin', bud.

You know why I'm stinkin'?

'Cause I haven't showered.

I'm f***ing starving.

I need to eat, too.

Patience Randolph. We

got a job to do first.

I need to get high.

We're in Moncton, there's

dope here. Let's get some hash.

- You need to get high do ya?

- Yeah.

Well, stick your nose in some of

this shitpowder and shut the f*** up.

I don't do coke.

There's no smell.

You know, drugs aren't dangerous,

Randy. People are dangerous.

The more powerful the

drug, the more jail time.

There's nothing to be afraid

of, Randy. Look, I'll show you.

No!

Ha... Randy, I didn't really

do it. I was just kidding, bud.

Julian! Skin mags!

Light, Randy.

Tape.

Do you want some

ice cream and sh*t?

Yeah, let's... What do

they got for ice cream?

Wire.

F***!

Thanks, Randy.

It's on there good.

You're clear, Mr. Lahey.

They're at the counter.

Andale, Randy!

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