Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It Page #7

We did it, bud.

Alright, I'm going to

try and get some sleep.

- Okay.

- Just wake me up when we get to Montreal.

- Alright.

- You good, buddy?

- Yup.

- Okay man, goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- Keep 'er on the road.

Oh, I will.

Jukebox and sawdust floor

Something like I ain't...

Boys?

Boys, holy f***! Cops!

Holy f***, he went right by.

Oh my God.

What the f*** am I doing here?

Randy, no more farting in the car.

Oh, God...

Julian... Here's the

turnoff to Montreal!

Just keep going? Okay.

Whatever you say.

Oh, there...

Look.

They went right by Montreal.

They must be going to

the property in Kingston.

- How ya feeling?

- I'm kind of tired.

Me too. Feeling a little sluggish.

Think I need a... snap

of the white liquor.

What do you think?

I thought it was all

under the f***ing camper.

- Ah! Wanna try a little?

- No!

It'll keep you awake!

We're going to take our time.

Wait for the right moment.

And then we're gonna

call it in and we got 'em.

Ah!

Holy f***.

Ya gotta stay f***ing awake

27 bottles of beer on the wall

Don't fall asleep Bubbles

or you will kill everyone

27 bottles of beer

You're gonna make it

you're almost there

Bubbles don't fall asleep

Taking a corner...

Bubbs, we're not in Montreal.

- I... think we're almost there...

- Almost there? Where the f*** are we?

- We should have been there a long time ago!

- Just go back to sleep, Julian.

Kingston, 200 km? What the f***?

Pull over!

What the f*** were you doing?

What's wrong?

- Bubbs... what's wrong?

- My property...

It's f***ing important to me and

I need my friends there with me.

I want to do this before we end

up going f***ing you know where.

- Where?

- To jail.

- We're not going to go to jail.

- Oh yeah? Can you look me in the eye

and f***ing promise me we're

not going to jail, Julian?

Bubbs...

Look me in the eyes!

Can't do it. Look at

them shifting around.

You know what, Julian?

You f***ing do whatever you

want, I'll do it by myself.

- Oh come on, Bubbs!

- You're gonna let him do this?

Call your little piss buddies and

tell them you're gonna be late.

Rick, they're expecting

me in one hour,

and the quality and the freshness of

the piss is important to these guys.

- Quality of the piss...

- What's it going to be?

That frozen piss, and those

c*cks, or your friends?

Is your piss going

to be there for you?

Bubbs, that's ridiculous.

Is your piss gonna make you chicken

soup the next time you're sick?

Does your piss and your c*cks roll

you joints, get drunk with you,

and pass out on your

f***ing couch, or your patio?

Rick, that doesn't

even f***ing make sense.

You know what?

Go to Montreal! Take

your piss and go!

F***'s sakes.

Ricky.

Did I see what I think I just saw?

I don't know, what'd you see?

Lahey and Randy are following us.

Nah Bubbs, you just

need some sleep, man.

I'm not f***ing losing

it, it was Lahey and Randy.

I'm telling you,

they're following us.

I'm freaking out!

Bubbles...

You get in the back and

rest up, let me drive.

- What?

- I'm in, Julian.

- Yes!

- If I'm driving, I want my cut,

- and we go right to Ottawa afterwards.

- Whatever you want, buddy.

Thanks, Ricky.

- Thanks, buddy.

- I'm doing this for Bubbles.

And if we get caught, our names

stay out of this, me and Bubbles.

Hey man, nobody has

to know about this.

- Get some rest, buddy.

- Alright, Ricky.

I can't f***ing

believe I'm doing this.

It's going to be fun,

man. Don't worry about it.

Randy, pretty soon, they're going to

pull over at Bubbles' mother's place.

If we get an opportunity, I'm

going to go and check the coke.

What if once Bubbles gets his

house, he never comes home?

What if that's it, we

never see him again?

- That might happen.

- I know.

- Alright?

- And up in here,

I think that's probably

a good thing, but...

you know, in my heart,

I just... I don't know, man...

I think I'm going to miss

him too much. I love him.

I love him, too.

Look for a turn and it says

there's a sign. You can't miss it.

There's a sign before the

turn or after the turn?

No, it says there's

a turn, and then...

it says a little jaunt and then

there's a sign and you can't miss it.

This says it's right here, where

we are. I can tell by the map.

This is it boys, this is the place.

Is it ever quiet out here, though. Just

listen boys, just listen for a second.

What is it?

It's nothing, Ricky. That's what

I mean, it's very... peaceful.

Well, you don't have any

neighbours out here, Bubbs.

Nope, big water lake...

What the f*** is that?

There's a power hookup, Bubbs!

The next thing we knew...

- Well, have a drink. Loosen up, bud.

- I don't want a drink.

Randy, this is an adventure.

Bubbles! F***ing pickled eggs.

- No way! Are they still good?

- I don't know.

They look good.

Ah, they're f***ing delicious.

Listen!

What's that?

Oh my f***, dogs. Dirty,

f***ing greasy dogs.

It can't be no dogs.

Oh my f***, there's a

pack of wild f***ing dogs!

Those aren't dogs, they're foxes.

What the f*** do you guys want?

Huh? What the f*** do you want?

Let's go, get the f*** out of here.

Hey, Blackie, get the

f*** out of here. Let's go.

Yeah, they're all there, Randy.

- Look at that.

- What are you doing?

- You can't dip into that!

- I'm just checking it, Randy,

to make sure it's okay.

Let's go, dummies. Let's go.

Don't f***ing bark at me, dummy!

- Get the f*** going.

- F***, good job Ricky.

- He chased them away, Julian.

- F***ing idiots.

We're gonna get caught Mr. Lahey!

Mr. Lahey, there's f***in' dogs.

I'm putting it back, Randy.

Hey! Call the dogs off!

Check this out, Bubbles.

Look at these old pictures.

Oh my God.

Ha! Look boys, there's us.

I remember that day.

It's right around when you

started drinking, Julian.

There's the first f***ing bikes we stole.

First bikes you stole, Ricky. You

stole all three of those bikes, 'member?

Oh f***, I miss that

old hockey stick.

How many f***ing goals

did I score with that?

This is my...

My God, there's my parents, boys.

I forgot how hot your mom was. Wow.

- Ricky!

- I mean... You know what I mean.

Like, just... she's a

f***ing good looking woman.

Your dad looks like

he's f***ing wasted.

The entire frame's rusted to f***.

That's too bad, man.

I mean, it's a heap of sh*t.

Paint's f***ed. It's gonna

start leaking, f***in' windows.

Ricky! You live in a f***ing

car that's missing a door.

I know.

Well, pack up whatever you want to keep

and let's get the f*** out of here, Bubbs.

Yeah, we gotta head

to Montreal, bud.

Well, boys, I was thinking...

maybe I'm just going to stay.

You know? Maybe this is

where I'm meant to be, boys.

I got a beautiful home here,

now. I got lake frontage.

Yeah, well lake frontage,

that causes mould and bugs.

You can't f***ing live in this.

I think... I think I'm gonna stay.

He's not really going to

stay here in this, is he?

Rick, this is something he's

gotta figure out on his own.

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