Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It Page #9

- They pulled guns out on me.

- Who the f*** would rob piss?!

- Cyrus.

- What?!

Boys are in for a

little Montreal surprise.

Ah, c'est juste de la cocaine.

C'est juste de la cocaine.

C'est rentr a

lovertime, les boys!

There's been a complaint

against you guys, okay?

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Maybe you have some money to pay your bills?

Chill out, there, muscular

f***ing Simon and Garfunkel.

Bubbs...

There's 75 bucks, I've

got more money in the car.

Is that cool? Can I go get it?

Okay.

- F***ing bullshit, Julian.

- Big f*** up, Julian.

Meet me out front in

two f***ing minutes.

Ricky, what are we gonna do?

We just... That's f***ing...

- That's bullshit.

- You should be working for me, Bubbs.

Every time we work for Julian...

- Ricky!

- What?

- Look up.

- Ah, f***.

Son of a whore, we're on camera.

It's alright, we're not f***ing gonna

be on there for long, though, are we?

- Ricky, Ricky...

- F*** off!

- Let's get a f***in' donair, boys!

- Ricky...

What?

Get out of your vehicle!

Get out of your vehicle!

- What's going on?

- You're under arrest.

- What is this? You're drinking and driving?

- What?

- We found cocaine in your vehicle.

- Cocaine?

We found cocaine in your vehicle.

What the f*** is this guy doing by my

van? Get this drunk away from my van.

- Who are you?

- Oh, just getting off work.

I thought that was

my van, but it's not.

- Alright, move along then. Move along.

- Yes, sir.

Officer, what are

you talking about?

- We found cocaine in your vehicle.

- Cocaine?

- Yeah.

- I don't know how cocaine got in my van!

- You know what? I was set up.

- Really?

- Either by a guy named Cyrus.

- Uh-huh...

Or a drunk trailer-park

supervisor that's in love with me.

Sh*t's stinkin' now, bud.

- What...

- So I suppose these aren't yours either?

No, the c*cks are

mine. The cocaine isn't.

- Can we go home, now?

- Sure, Julian.

- You just called me Julian.

- No, I didn't call you Julian.

The bouncer just gave this to my colleague.

Is your name Philadelphia Collins?

- Yeah, my name's Phil Collins.

- Well, Mr. Phil Collins,

you're under arrest for possession

of cocaine with intent to traffic,

and drinking and driving.

F***!

We didn't get Ricky. F***!

F***, f***, f***, f***, Rand.

- Bubbles took off over there.

- Where?

Hey, Bubbles!

How ya doin', bud? Where's Ricky?

Sorry this sh*t went down

the pipe the way it did, bud.

Bubbles, you want a lift?

How about a drink?

Randy... Randy, hop out

and get the man a drink.

What'll ya have, bud?

Good think we found you, Bubbs.

We'll get you out of this weather.

- Rum?

- Double rum and coke, Randy, please.

Nice shoes, Randy.

- Thanks, Bubbles. Lime?

- No f***ing lime!

There you go, Bubbs.

Actually, maybe I'll have a

beer. You guys got any beer?

Grab the man a beer.

Huh! Thanks, bud.

- You dirty, drunk bastard.

- You f***in' goofball!

Come on Randy. Don't

fight me, Randy.

Don't fight me.

- What are you doing, Bubbles?

- Get down, Randy.

- Bubbles!

- F***ing bottle fight?

You got no way out, Bubbles!

You're not going anywhere.

Give it up.

F*** you, Lahey!

Here comes the Captain!

Randy! You okay, bud?

Ya missed me, Lahey,

ya f***in' dickweed!

Talk to me, bud!

F*** you, Lahey!

Hey Bubbs, seen the

new 2-litre bottles?

F*** you!

Drunk bastard!

What are you doing, Bubbles?

Bubbles! Bubbles! Sh*t...

Randy!

Jesus Christ, Ricky!

Ricky! Ricky!

Oh my God. Wake up, come

on. Where's your shoe?

- Here, get in.

- What the f*** are you doing

- with Lahey's car man?

- I bottle-fought him for it.

What the f*** do the

cops want with Julian?

Lahey framed Julian, Ricky.

Julian took the wrap for us.

When was the last time you

got up before the sun...

'Morning, Ricky.

Where the f*** is the camper?

They f***ing impounded it.

Where the f*** are we?

We're in Ottawa, Ricky.

F*** yes, Bubbles! Is

that Parmelent Hill?

We're in time.

Pull this f***ing thing

over, man. Let's do this.

- Just a second, I gotta f***ing...

- Jesus Christ, there's Mounties everywhere.

Check this f***ing thing out.

Ah, that's decent, Ricky.

- F***ing medallion.

- That's decent.

Here, hop up there,

I built you a new shoe.

- Wicked!

- Try that on for size.

- It's great.

- Perfect fit, Weederella.

Start introducing the

speakers. We've got a lot

of amazing speakers here today

because this is about using our vote

to change the way our

country is run, right?

Holy f***, look at

all the people here!

Ricky, we're not going

to get into this hearing.

Not a problem, Bubbles. I'll

get us into this f***ing hearing.

Attention friends, this is some of

the best dope you will ever smoke.

It's 10 ounces. I will

give this to anybody

that gives their place to

me and this guy in line.

Seriously? Nobody wants to go home,

get high as f*** and watch this on TV

instead of being here?

Just a second Bubbs, I can't do this.

- I gotta smoke another joint.

- Ricky...

Ricky, what are you doing?

Ricky, hurry up, hurry up.

The cops are right there.

Hi, there.

Alright man, let's do this.

We need to bring that money

into the legitimate economy,

take it away from gangs

and organized crime,

let people operate

openly and transparently

so they can pay their taxes

and contribute to society.

Thank you, Ms. Emery.

Now, before we move on...

perhaps it's time for some

comment from the floor.

There's a gentleman

from Vancouver. Sir?

Yeah, yeah. Actually, can you just

sit back down, if you don't mind?

I got something to say,

it's really important.

I'd like to go first, if

that's okay, everybody.

It's a bit of an emergency.

I don't know how much time I have.

- No objection?

- No.

Go ahead.

Well, thank you, all the

peoples that are here.

I myself am a farmer. I grow dope.

This is what I grow right here,

the best f***ing weed in Canada.

I'm just going to pass some out,

you guys can have a smell and...

taste if you want.

Just get the f*** out

of the way, thank you.

Here guys, smell it.

It's just a plant. A plant that

grows by other nature on this planet

and makes the world a

better f***ing place.

Yeah!

Hand it out, Ricky!

- Order, we're going to have order in here.

- Have some.

That's my friend.

That's my friend Ricky.

Point of order.

I thought that's why we're here,

guys, to talk about f***ing dope, okay?

So let's just spin some

of that up, pass it around,

- and see what the f*** happens.

- Is that why you came here?

You hoping to go to jail?

- What's that?

- You're hoping you'll be

hauled off to jail, is that it?

I'm sick of f***ing being arrested,

'cause your goddamn stupid laws right

now. I've been to jail 17 or 18 times

'cause of your f***ed up

laws. That's the problem.

How the f*** can I be under arrest

for bringing my dope here, that I grew,

and then in two days, or whenever

the f*** it is, you legalize it?

What are you going to do? Unarrest me?

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