Unfriended

Laura?

Laura!

Laura, just don't...

- Laura, do you hear me?

- Hey! Put it down!

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. Put it down.

- Laura, stop it!

- Let's go inside...

Laura!

Oh, God!

What the f***?

- You better slap that ho!

- Yeah, whore, I will beat your ass.

You'll beat my ass?

She's gonna beat my ass, everybody!

Val is gonna beat my ass.

- Beat her up!

- Good girl Val's gonna beat my ass.

What the f***? What the f***, bro?

- Just get your f***ing girl.

- Kyle, just get out of here!

I'm going to bed.

- Hey. Hey, baby.

- What's up? You okay?

- You sound, like, a little down.

- Oh. No, no, no, no. I'm great.

Okay.

I got something to show you.

I'm excited. Hang on real quick.

I'm gonna pee.

- Mitch.

- Hey. I'm here.

I got something to show you.

- You doing your demon voice again?

- Yeah.

- Oh, my God.

- You like them?

Yeah. Oh, that's so hot.

It's getting me there. And feet, too.

I love just the top of toes.

What, you... wait.

You don't like them, do you?

No, it's just, you know, there's

other things I wanna see more of.

Yeah, it was worth a shot.

I think I know what you want.

Yeah, let's keep moving up.

There we go. That's closer.

My bruised knees.

- No. No, I don't wanna live there.

- No? That's not it?

I don't wanna live there.

I wanna live higher.

Come on. You're a real estate agent.

Sell this to me.

Well, you are now looking at the outside

of a human's right leg.

You know what? You should just let me

come over and show you how it's done.

No, you can't.

What do you mean, I can't?

No. My dad would kill you.

That's easy. Fine.

That's worth it. I'd die for you.

You're worth it.

I want you to take that shirt off.

Make me.

Take that shirt off before I cut it off.

That's really violent.

Take the shirt off, or I'll cut it off.

Hey, that worked.

That does it for you? All right.

Keep going. Keep going, you're...

Faster. Come on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want those hands down there.

No, no, no. Back down.

And I want those panties off,

or you're gonna lose them.

You're adorable.

- And really sexy when you're violent.

- Yeah?

What?

What, Miss Blue Baller?

Hey, girls get them, too.

Don't... I don't wanna hear about

your balls. That's so gross.

- No, you know what I mean. Like...

- I don't know what you mean.

I just have this mental picture

of balls, but no.

Well, I feel like you. I don't want

to experience that anymore.

Which is...

- Why...

- Do you have a little speech planned?

I...

Stop!

- What?

- I wanna make prom night the night.

Yeah?

You're serious?

- You wouldn't lie to me?

- No.

You wouldn't lie to me? You're serious?

- No, I'm not lying to you.

- That's great. That is...

That's finally the reaction

I was looking for.

Two, four, six, eight!

Who do we appreciate?

Your boobies!

Your, your, your, your boobies!

Yeah. Let's keep this show going.

I wanna see what I'm getting.

Prom night. I got something

to look forward to.

Hey, we'll call him back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It's just getting good.

- Get the knife.

Get the knife, baby.

Let's see the whole show.

- Oh, hey, guys.

- Oh, sh*t!

What's going on?

- Someone's in their chonies!

- What did we walk in on?

- A little cybersex!

- Someone's in their chonies!

Blaire, you're a dirty girl.

You're going to hell now.

- What?

- What are you guys doing?

- Going to hell with the rest of us.

- Nothing. What's up?

- Hey, guys.

- Where are you coming from, man?

Hey, Mitch. Why do you have

such a big boner, bro?

- What are you talking about?

- I totally missed it.

- Shut up.

- Hey, Blaire.

- Hey, Ken. How are you?

- Blaire, your blouse, babe.

What?

What are you calling

my girlfriend "babe" for?

Hey, Mitch, who's your buddy?

- What?

- Who's your buddy?

- That's not with us.

- What kind of sex were you guys having?

- I thought you guys brought that in.

- Ken, we were not having sex.

- No, wasn't us.

- Were you having a three-way?

No. What? Who is that?

- I just tried to hang up on him.

- Cyber three-way!

- Ken?

- Yeah?

I tried to hang up on this thing.

It wouldn't let me.

- You take turns?

- Honestly, he is not in with us.

That came with you guys.

- It's not working.

- All right.

All right.

- What do you mean?

- Let's just call each other back. Yeah?

- Bye.

- Bye.

Hi!

- Hi!

- Why is this f***er still here?

What, Mitch's boner?

- What is this person's problem?

- Guys, guys, it's definitely a hacker.

He's spying to get info on farts

and boners, okay?

Is that what today's agenda is?

Well, we haven't hit the farts yet,

but thanks to the Ken's famous salsa,

the gas will be rolling tonight, baby.

- Guys, hey. All right, stop.

- You're so gross.

Can we get rid of this person?

How about I call Blaire back,

and then we'll go from there.

- Bye.

- Bye.

What's up?

It's still there.

- So, were you guys really cybering?

- No.

Is that, like, a thing you do?

It's...

- It's really cute.

- It's still here.

You guys are so cute.

- Hey, guys.

- Heyo!

It's still here.

Whatever, f*** it.

- It's just probably a glitch.

- How do we know that?

Yeah, I can't call the number

or anything like that...

Sh*t! Three stars, motherfuckers!

Suck on that!

Yo, so I talked to Kyle about Friday.

And I got the weed,

but he's out of molly. So...

What?

Blaire, come back!

Blaire! Where'd you go?

- Stop looking at porn!

- Shut up, for, like, a second.

- Are you talking to boys?

- Hey, I'm writing an email. Stop.

...from the horse's mouth.

Guys, did you talk to Val tonight?

Dude, when we were at Adam's party,

she was telling people

- I had a drinking problem.

- You do.

- I'm gonna add her.

- Can I just be honest? I don't like Val.

- Nobody likes Val.

- Can I just be honest? I don't like her.

- The only person that likes Val is Val.

- Is Val. Yeah. You just get me, Jess.

Hi, Val.

- Hey, Val.

- Hey, Val.

Val. Turn up the sound, you dumb b*tch.

Val!

- Can you hear me now, Ken?

- Yeah, there you are, you floozy.

Hi, yeah. You know,

when you talk and it's muted,

I can still hear you on your end.

So I don't appreciate "dumb b*tch."

Okay. Did you guys buy your tickets,

like, two weeks ago like I asked you?

- No, you said you were gonna get 'em.

- No, you didn't. No, I told you to buy them.

So now I'm hearing that you guys

are gonna be seated in the balcony,

and three of us are gonna have

to sit in the orchestra.

So, maybe you should have bought

your tickets sooner like I told you.

- All right. What? I don't care.

- That's too bad.

- I wish you bought your ticket earlier.

- Which seats are better, balcony or orchestra?

- Balcony.

- Balcony.

- I'll take orchestra.

- Okay, you're in balcony.

I can take one more in balcony.

- I'll take it in the orchestra.

- I'm sure you will.

Jess.

- Oh, my God!

- You're the only one that got that.

- Val.

- What?

- Wait. What?

- Looking good.

Thank you.

- No.

- I got a haircut, like, two days ago.

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