Unseen + Untold: National Lampoon's Animal House Page #2

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Dorfman, I've given this a lot of thought.

From now on...

your name is Flounder.

Flounder?

We now consecrate

the bond of obedience.

Assume the position.

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Now, what can we say...

of John Milton's...

Paradise Lost?

It's a long poem, written...

a long time ago, and I'm sure...

a lot of you have difficulty understanding...

exactly what Milton was trying to say.

Certainly we know that he was trying to...

describe the struggle

between good and evil, right?

Okay.

The most intriguing character,

as we all know from our reading, was...

Satan.

Now was Milton trying to tell us...

that being bad was more fun

than being good?

Okay.

Don't write this down,

but I find Milton probably...

as boring as you find Milton.

Mrs. Milton found him boring, too.

He's a little bit long-winded...

he doesn't translate very well into

our generation, and his jokes are terrible.

But that doesn't relieve you

from your responsibility for this material.

I'm waiting for reports from some of you.

I'm not joking! This is my job.

Come on, Mandy, I would tell you.

Are you and Greg doing the dirty deed?

Greg doesn't believe

in premarital intercourse.

Too bad.

I think he's just dreamy.

And one, two, three, four...

Company, halt!

Dress that line.

Dress that line, mister!

Dress that line, soldier.

Mister, hold my mount.

You fat, disgusting slob!

You're a goddamned disgrace!

A vicious mother, isn't he?

He can't do that to our pledges.

Only we can do that to our pledges.

Redo those buttons!

Dress that belt buckle!

Straighten that cap!

And goddamn it, tuck up those pyjamas!

Attention! Eyes front!

What's that on your chest, mister?

- It's a pledge pin, sir.

- A pledge pin!

On your uniform?

Hooked it. Sh*t.

Just tell me, mister,

what fraternity would pledge...

a man like you?

It's a Delta pin, sir.

Slice!

Report to the stable tonight

and every night at 1900 hours.

Without that pledge pin!

Do you understand?

Your left arm is straight...

but you're not keeping your head down.

You're all worthless and weak!

Now drop and give me 20!

Get back in ranks!

Always try to hit through the ball.

I've gotta work on my game.

Don't think of it as work.

The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.

I want you to fix Pinto up,

but it has to be a very special girl.

She should be decent-looking,

but we'll trade looks for...

a certain kind of morally casual attitude.

Somebody he can screw on the first date.

Well put. You see, Pinto's never been laid.

What did I say?

Don't embarrass me in front of Dave.

He's the only professor I like.

Mr. Jennings is a wonderful teacher.

Teaching pays the rent till I finish my novel.

How long have you been working on it?

Four and a half years.

Must be very good.

It's a piece of sh*t.

Would anybody like to smoke some pot?

Yeah.

You ever smoked before?

Sure.

When did you ever smoke pot?

I've done a lot of things

you don't know about.

I won't go schizo, will I?

There's a distinct possibility.

Is this right?

Try not to drool quite so much

on the end of it.

Hey, Paula

I wanna marry you

Hey, Paula

Nobody else could ever do

I've waited so long

For school to be through

I can't wait no more for you

Okay.

That means that...

our whole solar system...

could be, like...

one tiny atom in the fingernail

of some other giant being.

This is too much!

That means...

- one tiny atom in my fingernail could be...

- Could be one little...

tiny universe.

Could I buy some pot from you?

Give me that.

Yeah, baby.

Good baby. It's all right. You stupid...

Dorfman! What kind of man

hits a defenceless animal?

I've got a good mind to smash your fat face.

Listen up, you nauseating pile of blubber.

Your days are numbered at Faber.

You and all your sick Delta buddies.

Meantime, your ass belongs to me.

Now, drop and give me 20.

But...

Hit it!

Trooper, baby.

Come here, baby.

Cutie-pie.

I want these quarters standing tall

by 0900 tomorrow.

You got that?

Yes, sir.

Brother D-Day, brother Bluto.

You hate that ying-yang?

- Who?

- Neidermeyer. You hate his guts?

- I guess so.

- You guess so?

Yes, I hate him! I hate his guts!

We have an old saying in Delta.

"Don't get mad, get even."

Nice horsey. Good. Let's go.

He's in there!

Boy, is this great!

Now finish it, Flounder.

Are you kidding?

I never shot anything before in my life.

- I thought you hated Neidermeyer's guts.

- I do.

And the horse? Is there anything in

the world you hate as much as that horse?

Get it over with.

- Just blanks, right?

- Right.

- Holy sh*t!

- There were blanks in that gun!

- I didn't even point the gun at him!

- Holy sh*t!

There were blanks.

- Maybe he had a heart attack.

- Holy sh*t!

If you want the homecoming parade

in my town...

you have to pay.

Carmine, I think it's wrong

to extort money from the college.

Look...

as the mayor of Faber,

I've got big responsibilities.

These parades are very expensive.

You're using my police...

my sanitation people, my free Oldsmobiles.

If you mention extortion again...

I'll have your legs broken.

I'm sure I can arrange a nice honorarium

from the student fund.

Another thing.

You better sit

on that zoo fraternity of yours.

I don't want no drunken riots in my town.

Don't worry. I've got those boys

just where I want them.

We'll have the best homecoming parade

Faber's ever had.

Mandy!

- I haven't seen you since we...

- Go away.

I can only stay a minute.

Let me buy you lunch.

You've got your lunch.

How about some milk?

You got your milk, too.

Can I just massage your thighs

while you eat?

Do I have to leave?

Is this any way to treat an intimate friend?

I asked you never to speak to me again.

Will you go away?

I do hope we're not interrupting anything.

If you must know...

- Eric was just leaving.

- I wasn't.

I could make you leave, if you...

Bluto!

I think you know everybody here.

Greg, can't you...

Don't worry. Just keep your hands and feet

away from his mouth.

Don't you have any respect for yourself?

This is absolutely gross!

That boy is a P-l-G, pig!

See if you can guess...

what I am now.

I'm a zit. Get it?

All right, you bastard. Let's go, right here!

Why don't we go out tonight?

Don't flatter yourself. It wasn't that great.

Food fight!

Oh, Greg.

Look. It's a star.

Let's make a wish.

- "Star light, star bright..."

- Wait a minute. That's not a star.

It's moving too fast.

It's probably a 707. Those babies really

can move across the sky.

Is anything happening yet? My arm's tired.

I'm sorry, Mandy.

That thing with the Deltas

has me a little distracted.

God knows how they've molested women.

Anything?

Maybe a little faster.

Yeah.

- How's that?

- Yes.

That Eric Stratton's lucky he's not in jail.

I'll say.

What?

You'll say what?

I'll say what?

You said, "I'll say," when I said,

"He should be in jail." I'm trying to figure...

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