Unseen + Untold: National Lampoon's Animal House Page #3

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If you're not even going to try,

I'm going to stop.

Mandy, I...

- Good night, Greg.

- Good night, Mandy.

She stole your boyfriend?

Her boyfriend.

And not your boyfriend?

Speaking of boyfriends,

how was your date with Greg?

Good night.

That's it.

She broke our date.

- Washing her hair?

- Dead mother.

We're in trouble.

The Jewish guys said

our test answers were wrong.

Every one?

Those a**holes must have stolen

the wrong f***ing exam!

God, look what just creeped in.

Well, well, well.

Looks like somebody forgot

there's a rule against alcoholic beverages...

in fraternities on probation.

What a tool!

What was that?

I said...

what a shame...

that a few bad apples

have to spoil a good time...

- for everyone by breaking the rules.

- Put a sock in it...

or you'll be out like sh*t through a goose.

Yes, sir.

Have you boys seen

your grade point average yet?

- Have you?

- I have, sir. It's a little below par...

It's more than a little below par.

It stinks!

It's the lowest on campus.

It's the lowest in Faber history.

Well, sir...

we're hoping that our midterm grades

will help our average.

Laugh now...

because you clowns have been

on double secret probation all semester.

- Double secret probation?

- That means one more slip-up...

one more mistake...

and this fraternity of yours has had it...

at Faber.

That was pleasant. Nice of him to stop by.

We must do something. He's serious this

time. I think he knows about the exams.

- He's right.

- You're right. We got to do something.

- Absolutely.

- Know what we gotta do?

Toga party.

We're on double secret probation.

We can't afford to have a toga party.

- You guys up for a toga party?

- Toga! Toga!

- They like the idea.

- Otter, please don't do this.

I've got news for you, pal. They're

going to nail us, no matter what we do.

So we might as well have a good time.

Toga! Toga! Toga!

It's not going to be an orgy.

It's a toga party.

Honestly, you're 21 years old.

In six months, you graduate.

Tomorrow night, you'll wrap yourself in a

sheet, pour grain alcohol all over your head.

- Cute, but I think I'll pass this time.

- Want me to go alone?

I don't want you to go at all.

It's a fraternity party.

I'm in the fraternity. How can I miss it?

I'll write you a note.

I'll say you're too well to attend.

It's funny.

Very funny.

Where did he get the wheels?

From his brother.

He's letting him use it for a week.

Flounder's bringing his girlfriend up

for the weekend.

I am appointing you...

pledge representative

to the social committee.

Gee, thanks!

What do I do?

Drive us to the Food King!

Food King!

Otter, please.

- What are you doing?

- Fixing your sweater. There you go.

Keep them under there,

and keep your sweater closed.

- I could get in trouble.

- That's right, so...

be cool.

Mine's bigger than that.

- I beg your pardon?

- My cucumber, it's bigger.

Vegetables can be really sensuous,

don't you think?

No.

Vegetables are sensual.

People are sensuous.

Right. "Sensual." That's what I meant.

My name is Eric Stratton. They call me Otter.

My name's Marion.

They call me Mrs. Wormer.

We have a Dean Wormer at Faber.

What a coincidence. I have a husband

named Dean Wormer at Faber.

You still want to show me your cucumber?

Nothing for me today, thanks.

It looks like you gained some weight

since you came in.

- It's a prank. I'm pledging a fraternity.

- Don't sweat it. I won't tell.

The Delta Tau Chi house is having a party

tonight, and you are cordially invited.

I'm old enough to be your mother, almost.

Besides, I have to go to the goddamn

senior honours dinner tonight.

Oh, well...

Maybe some other time.

Doubtful.

Maybe?

So if you're not busy,

you want to go to a fraternity party?

- Will I be home by 12:00?

- Any time you want. I'll pick you up...

My dad would kill me

if he knew I was going to a frat house.

Okay if I meet you there?

Is it okay? It's terrific!

Girls, welcome

to the Delta toga party. Come in.

Let me take your coat.

Great pair of togas.

Have some delicious Delta punch,

and I'll join you in a minute.

This is Sissy, my steady girl.

This is the guy I told you about.

You're even prettier than Kent said.

What a great dress.

- You two talk, and I'll get us some punch.

- Good idea.

He's really a lucky guy.

Why don't we go sit down somewhere?

I gave my love a cherry

That had no stone

I gave my love a chicken

That had no bones

I gave my love a story

That had no end

I gave...

Sorry.

- You look great.

- So do you.

I had to wait until my folks went out.

Get me some more punch.

I got a lot of catching up to do.

You want to dance?

Yes.

Yeah, Otis!

Gator!

- Mrs. Wormer, I'm so glad you came.

- Cut the crap.

Give me a drink.

- This is Hoover's room.

- Yeah? It's neat.

I think it's locked or something.

Just a minute.

F*** her.

F*** her brains out.

Suck her tits. Squeeze her buns.

You know she wants it.

For shame!

Lawrence, I'm surprised at you.

Don't listen to that jack-off.

Look at those gazongas.

You'll never get a better chance.

If you lay one finger

on that poor, sweet, helpless girl...

you'll despise yourself forever.

I'm proud of you, Lawrence.

You homo!

My fault! For Christ's sake, Carmine,

how could it be my fault?

One of those goddamn fraternities, I guess.

I don't know,

but I have a pretty good idea which one.

I'm gonna string them up by the balls!

I bet it was that Eric Stratton.

You know that for sure?

No, but...

you'd be surprised

at some of the girls he's had.

Very surprised.

It must have been some party.

Unbelievable. A new low. I'm so ashamed.

Almost sorry I missed it.

- What did you do, human sacrifice?

- No, just some harmless fun.

Buy me a dinner tonight?

Can't tonight. Busy.

Busy tonight?

Please take your seats.

This meeting of the disciplinary council

will now come to order.

We'll waive minutes and proceed directly

with charges against Delta Tau Chi.

Sergeant at Arms.

The following charges are brought:

First, that the Delta house

did knowingly violate...

the rules governing pledge recruitment...

by serving alcohol to freshmen

during pledge week...

and after established drinking hours.

I'd like to address these charges

one at a time, if I may.

You'll get your chance, smart guy.

Get on with it.

Second, that for the fifth

consecutive semester...

Delta has achieved

a deficient aggregate grade point average.

Half the houses didn't make grades.

You will speak when you're told to,

and not before!

Read.

Third...

that the Delta fraternity routinely provided

dangerous narcotic diet pills...

- to its members during...

- That's not true!

Not another word!

...during midterm examination week.

And most recently...

that a Roman toga party was held...

from which we have received...

two dozen reports

of individual acts of perversion...

so profound and disgusting...

that decorum prohibits listing them here.

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