Unseen + Untold: National Lampoon's Animal House Page #5

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buys him a new car.

Will that work?

It's got to work better than the truth.

My advice to you...

is to start drinking heavily.

Better listen to him. He's in premed.

There you go. Just leave everything to me.

Hi, Katy.

I missed you.

I was going to call you...

Where are they?

Boon, I don't know what to say.

Boon, wait!

Sh*t.

Must be in the kitchen.

What's the matter?

There they are.

Are you sure, Babs?

Why would Mandy want to see me?

I'm sure I don't know. You'll have to ask her.

As soon as you can get there.

Well...

Do you know the Rainbow Motel

on Old Mill Road?

Thank you very much.

Bye.

Teddy!

Did you get the Deltas' grade reports?

Yes.

I have it right here.

Why didn't you tell me?

Good.

It's "Mr. Thoughtful"

with a dozen roses for...

you...

One, two, three, four, five.

Looks like we're a couple flowers short,

so some of you boys will have to...

Where are the other two?

Stratton and Schoenstein?

- We looked everywhere, sir, but...

- Never mind. It doesn't matter.

You gentlemen

seen your midterm grades yet?

They're not posted yet, sir.

I've seen them.

Mr. Kroger...

Two C's, two D's, and an F.

That's a 1.2 grade average.

Congratulations, Kroger.

You're at the top of the Delta pledge class.

Mr. Dorfman.

Hello.

0.2.

Fat, drunk and stupid

is no way to go through life.

Mr. Hoover.

President of Delta house, 1.6...

four C's and an F. A fine example you set.

Daniel Simpson Day...

has no grade point average.

All courses incomplete.

Mr. Blutarsky.

0.0.

Tell Mr. Stratton and Mr. Schoenstein

exactly what I'm about to tell you.

- What, sir?

- You're out!

Finished at Faber! Expelled! I want you

off this campus Monday morning!

And I'm sure you'll be happy to know...

that I have notified your local draft boards...

and told them that you are now all...

eligible for military service.

Well?

Well?

Out with it!

Relax, honey.

You know, I know, everybody knows

that Otter certainly had it coming.

I don't think the Deltas

will be giving us any more trouble.

Greg, honey?

Is it supposed to be this soft?

Christ!

Seven years of college down the drain.

Might as well join the f***ing Peace Corps.

My mother's going to kill me.

I knew it.

I can't believe I threw up

in front of Dean Wormer.

Face it.

You threw up on Dean Wormer.

Jesus Christ!

What happened? You look grotesque!

- Some Omegas danced on my face.

- Who was it?

It was Greggie and Douggie...

- and some of the other Hitler youth.

- What did you do?

I don't know.

They're just animals, I guess.

Looks like I missed something.

You did.

We're all officially kicked out of school.

Wormer just got our grades.

They kicked us out of school?

That makes sense.

- What's this lying around sh*t?

- What should we do, moron?

War's over. Wormer dropped the big one.

What? "Over"?

Did you say "over"?

Nothing's over until we decide it is!

Was it over when the Germans

bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hell, no!

- Germans?

- Forget it, he's rolling.

And it ain't over now.

'Cause when the going gets tough...

The tough get going! Who's with me?

Let's go! Come on!

What the f*** happened

to the Delta I used to know?

Where's the spirit?

Where's the guts?

This could be the greatest night

of our lives...

but you're gonna let it be the worst.

"We're afraid to go with you, Bluto.

We might get in trouble."

Just kiss my ass from now on.

Not me! I won't take this!

Wormer is a dead man!

- Marmalard:
Dead! Neidermeyer...

- Dead.

Bluto's right.

Psychotic...

but absolutely right.

We got to take these bastards.

We could fight them

with conventional weapons.

That could take years...

cost millions of lives.

In this case...

I think we have to go all out.

I think this situation absolutely requires...

a really futile and stupid gesture...

be done on somebody's part.

We're just the guys to do it.

Let's do it.

Let's do it!

Go! Go! Go!

Tommy?

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Larry.

Remember me? I took you to the party.

Wait a minute.

So how come you show up now?

I didn't expect to see you.

I never got a chance to say good night

to you after the party.

They almost pumped my stomach.

Can we take a walk or something?

- What do you mean, "or something"?

- I could get some beer.

Not tonight, okay?

Besides, you might get lucky without it.

Before we go any further,

there's something I have to tell you.

I lied to you. I've never done this before.

You've never made out with a girl before?

I've never done what I think we're

going to do in a minute. I sort of did once...

That's okay. Neither have I.

Besides...

I lied, too.

Yeah? What about?

I'm only 13.

Hi, there!

Marvellous day.

Excuse me, please. Pardon me.

Off that mailbox!

That's government property. Move it.

Would you hold this?

Thank you.

My kid can't see.

Can he stand in front of you?

No.

Hoover!

Where's Boon?

I don't think you should stay around here.

What are you talking about?

We all got expelled last night.

What?

Why?

Where's Boon?

Listen to me.

I think you'd be glad later

if you weren't here now.

May I have 10,000 marbles, please?

Testing.

It gives me great pleasure to present...

this ceremonial gold-plated whistle...

to this year's honorary grand marshal...

Dean Vernon Wormer.

Mr. Marshal...

the streets of Faber are yours.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Let's go.

Sequence! Hut!

Faber!

Thank you, God!

Those guys are coming pretty fast.

- What the f***'s going on?

- I don't know.

Let's stop this now. Charge!

Get up, you faggots! Charge!

Stand up and fight, for Christ's sake!

Faggots!

Remain calm.

All is well.

Cut the cake!

Look!

Oh, my God!

Let's take the cheese.

I hate those guys.

Ramming speed!

Oh, boy, is this great!

All is well!

You can take your thumb

out of my ass any time now.

Remain...

This may seem an inopportune moment

to ask, Dean Wormer...

but do you think

you could give us one more chance?

ROBERT HOOVER '63- PUBLIC DEFENDER

BALTIMORE, MARYLAND

Daddy! Mom!

This is Larry Kroger...

the boy who molested me last month.

We have to get married.

We should discuss this some other time, sir.

LAWRENCE KROGER '66- EDITOR

NATIONAL LAMPOON MAGAZINE

Come out of there!

Come on out, you bastards!

Who is it?

You know damn well!

I'm sorry. You'll have to come

back later. I'm doing the dishes.

Look at my thumb.

Gee, you're dumb.

GREGORY MARMALARD '63

NIXON WHITE HOUSE AIDE

RAPED IN PRISON, 1974

ERIC STRATTON '63- GYNAECOLOGIS BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA

Bye!

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Neidermeyer!

DOUGLAS C. NEIDERMEYER '63

KILLED IN VIETNAM BY HIS OWN TROOPS

KENT DORFMAN '66

SENSITIVITY TRAINER

ENCOUNTER GROUPS OF CLEVELAND, INC

DANIEL SIMPSON DAY '63

WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN

Don't you guys think

you've had enough?

Okay, now I'm really mad.

Now you've had it!

Officer, please, for God's sake,

they're looting the Food King!

Come back and fight!

No prisoners!

BOON AND KATY - MARRIED 1964

DIVORCED 1969

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