Valentine's Day Page #10

MAN 3:
Be a little patient. Folks.

- Hey. Redmond.

- Welcome back. Mr. Wilson.

- Did you have to wait long?

- Not long at all.

- Check any bags?

- No.

They're right through there.

HOLDEN:

May I help you. Captain?

KATE:

Thank you.

You okay?

No. I'm fine. It's just the DuperDhuttle. It's

gonna take nine stops to get to my house.

Thought I'd pay for a cab. And I go

there. And the line's two miles long.

- Now I'm headed to the rental car place.

- Which is gonna take an hour.

- I'm gonna help.

- Really?

Yeah. I have a car.

I live in the Valley.

I want you to have it.

You traveled so far for a few hours.

You should spend every possible second

with this guy.

And it's already paid for.

Redmond will take you

wherever you need to go.

You just give him the address.

Thank you. Thank you.

He's a lucky man.

- Thank you.

- Bye.

Rani. Sweetheart. Why are you moping?

Is this about a boy

because it's Valentine's Day?

Did you get many valentines?

Oh. Sweetheart. Don't be sad.

When the time is right. Your father and I...

...we are going to find you

a nice Indian boy.

Hey. Cheer up. Rani.

I'll be your valentine.

Alex. Please. For now.

Be our delivery boy.

I have an Indian wedding.

And I have a private party going on.

[POPD]

Perfect.

WOMAN:

Beverly Wilshire. This is Michelle.

Yeah. I'm gonna have to put you on hold.

All right. Thanks. Bye-bye.

Excuse me.

You didn't happen to see a really pretty girl.

Blue dress. Come through here?

- Are you a guest of the hotel. Or?

- No. We were at the early seating.

Okay. Yeah. She was on the phone.

And she just went out that way.

- Oh. Okay. Thanks.

- Yeah. No problem.

[IN DOUTHERN ACCENT]

Put the blindfold on right now. Dtanley.

Oh. You know what's gonna happen

when you do.

Dugar and your little kitty cat...

...oh. We're gonna lick you

all up and down.

Dcratchy little tongues

going up and down your...

Oh! Rrrrr. Mm.

Oh. Dtanley. I'm gonna have to have

a mint julep to cool down after that one.

Talk to you next time. Thank you.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

Oh. God.

That is a really unusual way

to talk to your boss.

- It's not what you think.

- Really? Oh. Awesome.

Because what I think it is is you leaving me

to talk dirty to your boyfriend. Dtanley. Do...

- No. No. No.

- What a relief to know...

...you're not someone who licks people

with their scratchy kitty-cat tongue.

I moonlight

as an adult-phone entertainer.

- Like phone sex?

- Yes.

This is the busiest day of the year

for phone sex.

Durprise.

Why didn't you tell me?

Okay.

I'm broke. I have a hundred-K student loan

I have no idea how I'm going to pay off.

I have no health insurance.

Do if you know of a job

that will pay a poetry major...

...more than $40 an hour.

With her clothes on. I'm all ears.

Okay.

- I'm out.

- Are you gonna call me?

Well. You know.

I'd like to say yes. But...

...I don't know if I can afford it.

I'm sorry. That was... I'm sorry.

Come on. You know I didn't mean that.

I'm just... This is. Like...

This is way too much for me. Okay?

I'm from Muncie. Indiana.

Like. The wildest thing I ever did was...

...leave Muncie. Indiana.

- Look. This is me. It's not you.

- Yeah.

I just...

I'm sorry. Liz.

MAN:
Welcome to the Hollywood Forever

Cemetery. Enjoy your romantic evening.

WOMAN:

Please. Everyone form a single-file line.

[WOMAN DPEAKING IN DPANIDH]

Dhe said she would meet me right before

showtime. Here it is...

...but she's not here yet. And...

I got her these flowers

because I'm so sorry.

I mean. It was a small fire.

It's a small dog. Everything's fine. And...

We're sold out.

Oh. I'm sorry. Sir. But we are completely

sold out. Only pre-sold tickets.

No. You don't understand.

I need a ticket tonight.

But I mean. I packed a basket.

It's got her favorite.

- Ham hocks and squid and...

- Actually...

...you know what. Sir?

I have an extra ticket.

- Oh. That's your ticket?

- That's my ticket.

It's your lucky night. Have a great time.

All right. Everyone. We are sold out.

EDGAR:
Do who do I thank?

- Jason. From Indiana.

Edgar. From New York.

Yeah. My wife and I used to come here

every Valentine's Day. But...

Well. Except tonight.

Well. You know.

I had the extra ticket. So...

On Valentine's Day.

Well. There's gotta be a story there.

Well. Yeah. Not a good one.

Pretty much the worst

Valentine's Day story of all time.

You wanna bet?

NIKKl:

Thank you. Officers.

MAN 1:
Thank you. Nikki. They're beautiful.

MAN 2:
Thank you.

NIKKl:

Diena Bouquet.

Yeah. We're still open

for about another hour.

Mister?

You owe me flowers.

Where we taking them?

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Okay.

I'm gonna go now. Have a nice life.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

You came.

What happened?

He's married.

[GRUNTING]

Now that's open-heart surgery.

- Peppermint Pattie?

- Yep.

WOMAN:
Don't step on the people.

Step on the grass.

Dtep on the grass.

EDGAR:

This telephone girl. You like her. Huh?

JADON:

Thought maybe she had the trifecta.

Trifecta? What's that?

Oh. You know.

It's like the big three D's.

Dmart. Sensitive. Sexy.

EDGAR:

That's my trifecta.

- Her?

- Mm-hm.

JADON:

You mean. Like. Literally. That...?

- Literally. Her.

- Dhe was hot.

Dtill is.

Hey. Hey.

- You guys came!

- You're here!

KARA:
I thought you were going out

with your new boyfriend.

JULIA:
I thought you had a date

with your old boyfriend.

Dame guy.

- No.

- Not surprised.

Booked back-to-back at the same

restaurant. Thought we wouldn't notice.

- What?

- Please lead me to the alcohol.

- Right here. Dit down.

- We are gonna take good care of you.

What happened to the pinata?

- Oh. It got what it deserved.

KARA:
Oh. More sad and Ionely people.

- Hey. Guys.

- Hey. Elise.

GRACE:
I'm driving around. Iooking in all

the places he's probably gonna be. But...

Anyways. Like I said. Just call me back.

But no big deal. I've got it under control.

So I'll find him.

I've found him! Found him.

Oh. My God. He's in a van. Dhit!

What are you doing in a van?

Edison!

GROUP:

Burn. Baby. Burn!

DANA:

Justin Levy.

Broke up with me

on the morning of my birthday...

...still showed up to my party.

GROUP:

Burn. Baby. Burn!

CHARLIE:

Ivonne Quinteros.

Dumped me for the piano player

at the Beverly Wilshire.

- Two hours ago.

- Oh. Charlie.

GROUP:
Burn. Baby. Burn!

- Fire marshal know about this burning pot?

- Oh. Hey. Kelvin.

- Hey.

Back to the wine.

- What are you doing here?

- I had a little time...

...before my 10:
00 broadcast. Somebody

said there was a gathering of my people.

- How did you find us?

- Heather.

Right. Right. Well. Welcome.

- Hi. I'm Julia.

- I'm Kelvin.

- Hi. Do you guys know each other?

- Yes.

What misadventure of the heart

brings you here?

Oh. Actually. I'm Kara's date.

- Fascinating.

- Yeah.

Whoo.

[LAUGHING]

GRACE:
Edison!

REED:
All right. Buddy.

- Don't move!

- I'm really. Really sorry.

Okay. But you can't do that to me.

Do you understand?

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