Valentine's Day Page #9

their 15th anniversary.

[PHONE RINGD]

Cardiology Center.

Los Angeles Hospital. May I help you?

Bistro Garden. Early seating.

JULIA:

Kara. I'm still here. I'm in L.A.

I have a lot to tell you. Give me a call.

KARA:
May I have your attention. Please?

I'm Dean's publicist...

...and recently there has been a lot of

speculation about his future.

And rather than keep you all in suspense.

He will make a brief statement at this time.

GREG:
Hey. Boss. Dorry. Elevator took a year.

- Cleaning up?

- I'm trying to be you.

- All right.

First off. I'd like to thank everyone

for coming.

I know it's Valentine's Day and you might

have other plans. So I'll be quick.

The cliche...

... when someone's retiring

who doesn't wanna retire...

...is to say that it's because they wanna

spend more time with their family.

I don't have a family.

And with everything football has given me...

...the biggest thing it's taken away is that.

Because of who I am...

...because of my job...

...I haven't been able to live the life

I want to.

With that in mind. I'll just say the thing

I came here to say.

I'm gay.

[CROWD MURMURING]

I knew it!

DEAN:
Any questions?

MAN 1:
Are you kidding me?

And be cool. Because I'm not above

kicking anybody's ass.

MAN 2:

Dean. You for real?

Uh. First question.

MAN 3:

Dean. Come on. Help me out.

Kelvin Moore. KVLA.

Dean. I'm confused here.

Are you saying that you're retiring?

Oh. Right. That.

No. Kelvin. No. I'm not retiring.

I'm gay. And I'm gonna play.

[LINE RINGING]

GRACE:

Pick up the phone. Estelle. Edgar.

- Rosato martini with soda. Table six.

WOMAN:
You got it.

I'm not really a waitress. I'm an actress.

I just did a day on Days of Our Lives.

- Happy Valentine's Day.

- Happy Valentine's to you.

- You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

HARRIDON:
Thank you.

PAMELA:
Olivia's gonna need braces.

Well. That makes sense.

- I had them. You had them.

- I know.

[PHONE RINGING]

MAN:

Bistro Gardens restaurant.

Good evening.

- Hi.

PAMELA:
Harrison?

- Are you okay?

- Excuse me. Excuse...

- You all right. Sir?

PAMELA:
You okay?

Great. Well. My name is Julia.

And I'm gonna be your server tonight.

Why don't I get started

with a few specials?

Yes. Please.

Tonight the chef is featuring a dish

that he likes to call the lying. Stinking pig.

- You're kidding. How is that cooked?

- He starts by cutting off the pig's testicles...

...and he chops them up really finely.

Teeny. Tiny pieces.

And then he takes those testicles.

And he pulverizes them...

...and adds in a little arugula.

Some sage...

...feta cheese. And shoves the mixture...

...back up the pig's...

Well. For lack of a better word. Ass.

- Really?

- Yeah. Then he cuts out the heart...

...the cold. Useless. Tiny. Little heart...

...then fillets it on either side

and it's a nice amuse-bouche.

- I'll have the salmon.

- Good choice.

For you. Sir?

I'm not... I don't... I don't know.

Oh. Just so you know.

The heart of the pig...

...little something like this.

Did we get a toy?

Maybe I'll give you a little time

to juggle the choices. Sir.

Nicely done.

Miss Fitzpatrick. My son Franklin

really loves your class.

- Oh. He's got a great imagination.

- Yeah.

Do I guess we'll charge these to...

- Oh. Charge these to my friend over there.

AMOD:
I figured.

I put in some lobster tails

and a cheesecake.

JULIA:

Thank you. Amos.

KARA:

And then maybe these?

Put that ticket right...

Put it where you're looking. Yep.

Yep. Great. Thank you.

Now let me take that thing.

Thank you very much. Appreciate it.

Oh. Crap. Just go.

Golden Kadahi. Best Indian restaurant

in Los Angeles. How may I help you?

Hi. This is Rehka speaking.

- Hey. Liz.

- Oh. Hi.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I made it. Cannot even believe it.

- Oh. Sorry.

- Dorry.

- Hi.

- Dorry.

Wow. Liz. You look beautiful.

Thank you. Paula's indefinite trip

out of the office coincided very nicely...

...with my "haul ass home

and throw on something festive" plan. So...

You look wonderful.

Hi.

- Do...

- I was think...

- What? Did you want...?

- Dorry. Go ahead. No. You first.

- Please. You should.

- You...

Oh. Okay.

You don't wanna be an agent. Do you?

No. But I may need an agent...

...so I figure might as well

learn the business while I'm agentless.

Good evening. Sir. Ma'am.

Welcome to The Blvd.

Would you like the four-course

Dweetheart's Menu...

...or the eight-course Eternal Love?

JADON:
Whoa. Slow down.

Is there. Like. A one-course

"Only Been Dating For Two Weeks...

...But It Looks Promising" option?

Because...

I'm kidding.

I realize that. Sir.

I'll come back when you're serious.

He's your biggest fan.

Hello? That's my water.

You know. I didn't touch mine.

So why don't you go ahead and have it?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Well. Same to you.

WOMAN:
Charlie!

- What?

Dhe said happy Valentine's Day.

- Look...

- I can't talk now?

I'm sorry this place is such a zoo.

It's fine. I mean. They're fighting.

They're mating. And I'm in the zoo with you.

God.

Jason. Um. I really like you...

...and I was... I just...

I'm just wondering how you feel...

...about the idea of...

[RINGTONE PLAYING

ON PHONE]

Oh. God. I've gotta...

I'm gonna take this outside.

- Dure. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Go. Yeah.

- I'm sorry. Thank you.

Go ahead.

- Be right back.

- Dure.

[IN DOUTHERN ACCENT]

All right. Dtanley. Listen to me.

We're gonna make this hard.

And we're gonna make this fast.

WOMAN:
Yes. We can get you

two adjoining rooms.

Yes. But with the door open.

You still have to pay for both.

Okay. Bye-bye now. Hi.

Hi. Welcome to the Beverly Wilshire.

- How many checking in?

- Two.

- Two?

- I mean one.

Well. Technically. It's two.

One person and Carmine. My dog.

A person and a dog.

Okay. That would be our pleasure.

Oh. Okay.

Oh. And by the way.

Happy Valentine's Day.

You too.

And Julia's not even in love

with that guy.

How do you know that?

Dhe was too calm about the whole thing.

I mean. Always under control.

Listen:

"The way of love is

not a subtle argument.

The door there is devastation."

The master.

REED:
Do according to Rumi.

Iove has to be devastating?

Listen. You don't step into love. My friend.

You fall in. Head over heels.

You ever seen somebody fall

head over heels in love for real. Reed?

It's ugly. Bro. Toxic. Septic.

Come on. Boss. Dtill got a few hours left.

Make something happen

with somebody someplace.

- Cookie?

- I'm good.

Day's not over yet. Man. Give me some.

Hey. Tell me something.

How'd you and your wife get it so right?

That's easy. I married my best friend.

Thought I was your best friend.

Yeah. You're my man. That's my lady.

- Night.

- Good night.

- Go give your wife those cookies. Huh?

- Best for the best.

Yeah. Best for the best.

- Kate. Hey. Have a great trip.

- Thanks. Nice meeting you.

Yeah.

MAN 1:
This is my taxi!

MAN 2:
No. No. I been waiting.

WOMAN:
I been waiting 45 minutes.

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