Wayne's World Page #2

to open your present?

If it's a severed head,

I'll be very upset.

Open it.

O.K.

O.K.

What is it?

It's a gun rack.

A gun rack?

A gun rack.

Yeah, great.

I don't

even own a gun,

let alone many guns

that would necessitate

an entire rack.

What am I going to do

with a gun rack?

You don't like it, fine.

[ Slurp ]

Wayne, if you're not careful,

you're going

to lose me.

I lost you

two months ago.

Are you mental?

We broke up.

Get the net!

Wayne!

Hey!

How you doing?

Garth!

Tiny, who's

playing tonight?

Jolly Green Giants,

The Shitty Beatles.

The Shitty Beatles--

are they any good?

They suck.

Then it's not just

a clever name?

Who else?

Crucial Taunt,

and they're just finishing the set.

I hear they can wail.

You're right.

Party on.

Party on.

Yo!

All right!

Now, dig this, baby!

You don't

care for me

I don't

care about that

This is the Gasworks,

an excellent

heavy metal bar.

Always a babe fest.

And they got

a pool table, too.

Let me stand

next to your fire

Party! Whoo!

Yeow! Party!

Excuse me.

Whoo!

Let me stand

next to your fire

Let me stand

Let me stand

next to your fire

Excuse me.

Um, excuse me.

What?

I'd like to get by now.

Get out of my face,

you little dweeb.

Ohh!

Ow!

I have only one

itchin' desire

Let me stand

next to your fire

Ohh

Let me stand

next to your fire

[ Mission:
Impossible

Theme Plays ]

You don't

care for me

I don't care

about that

You got a new fool,

I like it like that

I have only

one burnin' desire

Let me stand

next to your fire

Excuse me.

Hey, let me stand

next to your fire

What do you want,

you little dweeb?

Oh, let me stand

next to your fire

Aah!

Thank you.

You say your mama

ain't home

It ain't my concern

Just don't play with me

and you won't get burned

Oh, dream weaver

I believe you can

get me through--

She's a babe!

Schwing!

Ohh

Yeah

Ohh

Ohh, ohh

Ohh

Hey

Ow, ow! Ha ha!

Hyah!

Yeah.

Ow! All right.

Ohh.

I love this woman.

Hey, Raymond, club soda

with a lime, please.

And would you

get me a towel?

Boy, you really wail.

Thanks.

Hey, you're that

party time guy on TV.

Wayne, right?

Yes, and you are?

Cassandra.

Cassandra.

Rough night, huh?

Everybody's kung fu fighting.

Yeah. Well,

nice meeting you.

Hey, hold on!

Can I call you sometime?

You got 5 bucks,

you can come to the rent party.

It's at my loft.

I'm there.

I got to go.

The club owner's trying to dick me

out of some money.

O.K. O.K.

See how many

people I--

That bass player's

a babe.

She makes me feel

kind of funny,

like when we used

to climb the rope in gym class.

You said I get

cash up front.

She will be mine.

Oh, yes.

She will be mine.

Pardon me.

Do you have

any Grey Poupon?

Garth,

just sit there.

He's going to put

that on your melon.

O.K., but

just a trim.

Don't buzz me,

all right?

Uhh!

Uhh!

Uhh!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Oh, no!

Russell, stop the tape.

So, what do you think?

I think it's two chimps on

a davenport in a basement.

I'm not sponsoring this.

I got spots on Love Boat,

but this?

What is this?

Mr.Vanderhoff,

this is your audience.

They're the same kids

that line up at Noah's Arcade.

It looks so cheesy.

That's where

I come in.

Russell's

our best producer.

He does Chicago P.M.

with Elaine Ronkey,

Sunshine Saturday,

The African-American Digest.

Never heard of that.

It's on very late.

It won several awards.

I think I'll stick

with Love Boat.

If I may,

speaking from

a producer / director standpoint,

kids can relate

to this show.

These guys

aren't phonies.

Kids can spot phonies.

They're very smart.

Kids know dick.

I watch them

in my arcades.

They stand like

laboratory rats

hitting the feeder bar

to get food pellets.

As long as they pump in quarters,

who gives a sh*t?

Let me ask you something.

What's your single biggest problem

in the arcade business?

Well, uh, keeping the customer

informed of new product.

Like, we have a new game

called Zantar.

Zantar is a gelatinous cube

that eats warriors

in a medieval village.

Every time

it eats a chieftain

you ascend

to a higher level.

Beauty part is you can't

get to the next level.

The kids keep

coughing up quarters.

Gelatinous cube

eats village--

I think it's terrific.

You know, I know nothing

about video games.

I found what you

just said riveting.

Well, I do

my own commercials.

I did not know that.

I don't mention the games

in the commercials

because the technology moves

much faster than the advertising.

I did not realize that.

Russell, did you

realize that?

No, I did not

realize that.

So, Mr.Vanderhoff,

let me see if I'm

hearing you correctly.

Are you saying

that if you had a spot,

say on a weekly show,

that you could

come on the show

and update the kids

on exactly what was new

in your arcade?

Yeah, that's it.

I'm impressed.

Wow!

Noah's Arcade presents

Wayne's World.

I think

that's brilliant.

Brilliant.

Well, thank you.

We'll get right to work

on this.

We'll send the contracts

over to your office.

We'll be in touch.

Oh.

I'd like

to think about this.

Oh, of course you would.

I wouldn't have it

any other way.

She'll validate.

Thank you.

He's in.

[ Speaking Cantonese ]

Stop it!

You're scaring me.

Oh, cool. You're learning

Cassandra's language.

I've never seen you so mental

over a girl before.

You going to marry her?

Marriage is punishment

for shoplifting in some countries.

O.K., you passed inspection.

All right.

Just barely.

Uh, O.K., that's 42.57, Wayne--

parts and labor.

No way.

Brutal.

Oh, O.K.

There you go.

All right,

we got it.

That's not enough.

What?

We got...that.

That's good,

but I need more.

Oh, man!

Why don't you use a gun?

It's not my fault.

Come on.

I suppose it's

society's fault?

More.

[ RRRrrrr ]

Cool.

All right.

[ RRRrrrr RRRrrrr ]

Here's an extra dollar.

You guys should have been

at Gasworks on Friday.

Yeah, we were there.

There was this band--

Crucial Taunt--

They had this megababe

for a lead singer. Unreal!

Phil, we were there.

Have you gone mental?

Hello?

I think we should go now.

Here you go.

Cool!

You think it's wise

to sell a show we don't own?

By tonight, we will.

Ah!

Excuse me.

Do you know where

we could find Wayne Campbell?

That'd be privileged

information.

We just want to know

where they broadcast from.

Are you a friend

or a relative?

We're neither.

Russell, I may not have

grown up around here,

but I understand these people.

This must be the place.

O.K., we're just about

out of time, right?

But first let's give

a Wayne's World salute

to the Guess jeans girl

Claudia Schiffer.

Schwing!

Schwing!

Tent pole!

She's a babe.

She's magically

babe-licious.

She tested very high

on the strokability scale.

Mmrreowww!

Ssss.

Are you through yet?

I'm getting tired

of holding this.

Yeah, that's

what she said.

O.K., so, Claudia Schiffer,

we salute you.

- Scha-wing!

- Scha-wing!

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