Wayne's World Page #5

Know what

I'd like to do?

Yeah, I know what

you'd like to do--

Find the guy

that did it,

rip his still beating

heart out of his chest

and show him how black it is

before he dies.

Actually, I was thinking

about filing a grievance

with the union.

Well, the world's

a twisted place.

Hi.

- Hey, Garth.

- How's it going?

Good.

Hey. There she is.

[ Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet

Fantasy Overture Plays ]

Aah!

I must've slipped.

Wayne, um...

what do you do

if every time you see this

one incredible woman,

you think

you're going to hurl?

I say hurl.

If you blow chunks

and she comes back, she's yours.

If you spew

and she bolts,

it was never

meant to be.

Oh...I'm not ready yet.

I got to be comfortable

with me first.

[ Cassandra ]

Why don't you just go talk to her?

Talk to her?

Talk to her?

[ Jimi Hendrix's

Foxy Lady Begins ]

Foxy.

Foxy.

Uh, you know

you are a

Cute little

heartbreaker

Ha!

Foxy.

Yeah.

And you know

you are a

Sweet little lovemaker

Ha!

Foxy.

I wanna take you home

Yeah

I won't do you no harm

You've got to be

all mine

All mine

Ooh! Foxy lady

Here I come, baby.

Im comin' to get ya.

Why don't you just

go talk to her?

Go talk to her?

Go talk to her?

Garth?

Camera one.

Camera two.

Camera one.

Camera two.

Camera one, camera two.

Camera one,

camera two.

Ha ha ha! Don't.

Camera one,

camera two.

[ Giggling ]

Tell me...when that

first show is over,

will you still love me when I'm

an incredibly humongoid, giant star?

Yeah.

What about when I'm in my

hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?

Yeah.

And when I'm in my

carbohydrate-sequin-jumpsuit,

young-girls-

in-white-cotton-panties,

waking-up-in-a-pool-

of-your-own-vomit,

bloated, purple,

dead-on-a-toilet phase?

Yeah.

O.K. Party. Bonus.

[ Telephone Rings ]

Yeah?

Oh, hi, Anthony.

Who's Anthony?

Who's Anthony?

My drummer.

O.K.

You what?

No. I told you next week

we'll be doing

a music video.

Do you mind?

This is business.

Hey, you want to be a busboy

the rest of your life?

Well, then talk

to your boss.

Look, this guy Benjamin's putting up

serious money for this thing.

Yeah.

[ Imitating Marilyn Monroe ]

Happy birthday

Mr.President

Happy birthday

To you

Work it out, O.K.?

Just-- no,

just be there.

O.K. Bye.

You a**hole!

Oh!

Whoo!

Excellent.

Rrr! Rrska, rrska!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

So motion to me

That you wanted me

Hey. All right.

Glad you could make it.

Oh, wow.

Yes.

Cool.

Yes. This is definitely

the type of place

I'm going to get

when I move out

of my parents' house.

Oh, you have a terrace!

Yeah. Go on out.

I'll get the Dom Perignon.

What's goin' on...

What floor is this?

Um...the 23rd.

Oh.

Oh.

You know...

Cassandra...

from this height,

you could really

hawk a lugie on someone.

[ Prepares To Spit ]

I feel so free up here.

Costs a lot

to live this free.

[ Wayne ]

This might be a tangent, right,

but it's something

I've been thinking about...

Hi. If I had a girl

like Cassandra,

I wouldn't bring her here.

I mean,

look at this place.

This is a fully

functional babe lair.

Chicks are helpless

against its powers.

Let's check it out.

I don't believe I've ever had

French champagne before.

Oh, actually,

all champagne is French.

It's named

after the region.

Otherwise,

it's sparkling white wine.

Americans,

of course,

don't recognize

the convention,

so they call all their

sparkling whites champagne,

even though by definition

they're not.

Ah, yes. It's a lot like

Star Trek:
The Next Generation.

In many ways,

it's superior,

but will never be as recognized

as the original.

Aha. What's this?

How To Pick Up Chicks.

How To Meet Women.

He's smooth.

Aha.

"Daily reminder--

"Thursday.

"Purchase feeble

public access cable show

and exploit it."

Whoa. I feel sorry

for whoever that is.

Let's look over here.

"Ribbed for her pleasure."

Ewww!

The show looks great.

Mr.Vanderhoff's very excited.

I'm very excited.

I think the show's

going to be a huge hit

all over the Chicagoland area.

I want you and Garth

to have these tickets

to Alice Cooper's concert

tomorrow night

in Milwaukee.

Wow. Backstage passes.

Whoa. All-access backstage

with Alice Cooper?

Thank you.

Take the day off.

Enjoy yourselves.

Well, what about Cassandra?

She and I

have work to do.

Here's to your success.

No. Here's to Benjamin.

Mmm-- who wants

Chinese takeout?

I know a great place.

I'll have the cream

of sum yung guy.

Mmm!

Cassandra,

why don't you order?

No. I'm sure whatever

you order will be fine.

Oh. O.K.

[ Speaking Cantonese ]

[ Speaking Cantonese ]

[ Speaking Cantonese ]

Mountain Dew.

Pepsi Cola.

[ Speaking Cantonese ]

This guy is good.

Picked up a little Cantonese

while in the orient.

You sound a lot like you're from

Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.

I was born

in Kowloon Bay.

There you have it.

This guy's really good.

Well, I want

to tell you about me

I asked you to stay

And still you leave

Well, I may look

lonely and blue

But I've been here

waitin' for you

And I

Want an answer or two

Why you wanna break

my heart?

Ooh, ooh, why you

wanna break my heart?

Ooh, ooh, why you

wanna break my heart?

Ooh, ooh, why you

wanna break my heart?

Sounds great!

Thanks.

You got a minute?

Sure. You guys hang out.

I came by to drop off

the contract for the video.

Oh, great.

I never really got a chance

to say thank you.

You've been very generous.

It's been my pleasure.

Listen, I thought if

you were done here

that maybe we could spend

the afternoon together.

Take a long, long ride

with yourself

We should be pretty

close to Milwaukee by now.

Take a long, long ride

with yourself

Do you like

what you see...

Look! There's

Shotz Brewery!

Cool!

1, 2, 3, 4,

5, 6, 7, 8...

schlemiel,

schlemazel.

Hausenpfeffer

Incorporated.

We're gonna do it

- Aah!

- Aah!

Give us any chance,

we'll take it

Read us any rule,

we'll break it

We're gonna make

our dreams come true

Doin' it our way

Nothing's gonna

turn us back now

Straight ahead

and on the track now

We're gonna make

our dreams come true

Doin' it our way

Hey, wait a minute.

What are we doing?

Yeah! We got backstage passes

for Alice Cooper!

Feed my Frankenstein

[ Cheering ]

Well, I ain't evil

I'm just good-lookin'

I started the fire

Baby, start cookin'

I'm a hungry man

But I don't want pizza

I'll blow down your house

And then I'm gonna eat ya

Bring you to a simmer

Right on time

And run my greasy fingers

Up your greasy spine

Feed my Frankenstein

Do you want to go backstage?

She's a psycho

Yeah. Let's go back now

and beat the crowd.

Feed my Frankenstein

Hungry for love

And it's feedin' time,

baby, whoa, whoa

Oh, yeah

Feed my Frankenstei-ei-ein

Where you going?

Got a pass.

- Yay!

- Backstage passes, yeah!

- Whoo!

- Yeah!

Whoo! Ha ha ha!

Feed my Frankenstein

Uh-oh. I think

we took a wrong turn,

'cause we're outside now.

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