Wayne's World 2 Page #5

- I'm not Handsome Dan.

- Hi. Hey.

- Hi...

- Handsome Dan.

Back with you on WPIG,

maximum grunt.

Our special guests,

Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar.

Wayne's World, all right.

Waynestock. Big event.

Everybody's excited.

It's gonna be a big concert

at Adlai Stevenson Park.

- A big party with some great bands.

- Like Aerosmith.

- There's still tickets left.

- Don't wait till the last minute.

'Cause it's a chance

for the city of Aurora...

To do something...

Fun.

- And to put the city on the map.

- It's a lot of work.

- Work is hard.

- You're not listening, are you?

I could say anything,

like "you're a complete tool".

You wouldn't hear, 'cause you're

a freak with a microphone.

It's not challenging any more.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

- True, Sphincter Boy?

- What? Oh. They're getting closer.

Good information about Waynestock.

We'll be back after PIG sports.

It's 16 minutes past the big hour.

Right, Mr Scream?

Great. Good stuff.

I think people are getting cranked.

- Hi. Bobby, it's Wayne Campbell.

- Wayne. How'd you get this number?

It was written on

the back of a business card.

I'm looking for Cassandra. I have

to talk to her. It's really important.

I haven't seen her.

She said she might come to IA.

She wasn't definite.

If I hear anything,

I'll let you know.

I have to go. I'm with someone.

I'm sorry I couldn't help.

OK. Thanks. Bye.

- Important call?

- Some small-time promoter.

Let's get some lunch.

What you're saying is that

Peter lawford warned Kennedy

not to mess with

the military-industrial complex.

Yeah. Dig this, man...

J Edgar Hoover was one bad cat.

I mean, he had a completely

different bag from Jack.

He just couldn't groove. When two

cats can't groove to the same tune,

one of them has to visit

the man upstairs.

That's amazing, man. Excuse me.

Wayne, I want you to meet a friend

of mine, Sammy Davis Jr.

- Nice to meet you, Mr Jr.

- Nice to meet you, too, man.

I gotta split.

I got some cats I gotta hang with.

Bye, Sammy. He's a good man.

And now, Wayne,

what can I do you for?

Listen, Jim,

I'm really confused, OK?

We haven't sold any tickets,

we have no bands,

Garth is distracted by chicks,

I broke up with my girlfriend,

and on top of that,

Del's gone completely mental.

To complete your journey, you have

to help some people along the way.

This next little bit,

you'll have to go it alone.

Keep the faith, my friend.

If you book them, they will come.

Hey, Sammy, wait up.

Jim, what if nobody shows up?

Sand. Cool.

Right. Right, Moe. I understand.

- Nervous?

- A little.

I've never been

on The Tonight Show before.

Nothing to worry about.

After the show...

I have to fly to Aurora,

to Waynestock.

Waynestock?

What's this Waynestock thing?

- Nothing. Something she has to do.

- Hold on a second, Moe.

Listen, Bobby's put together

some great musicians.

You're making a great album.

Together, it can't miss.

You're in good hands. He's the best.

You listen to Bobby

and you'll be a big star.

A big star. Moe? Yeah.

We're almost out of time,

but I'd just like to point out

there are still plenty of excellent

Waynestock tickets still available.

Actually, there are about 10,000

excellent Waynestock

tickets still available.

And I'd also

like to address a rumour.

There's this rumour

that none of the bands have signed

and probably no one's gonna show up.

It's true that none of the bands

have signed.

Jim Morrison

and his weird naked Indian friend

visited me in the night and assured

me that all the bands will come.

That's all the time

we have this week, so until then...

- Party on, Garth.

- Party on, Wayne.

- And we're clear.

- All right!

I don't know if you should mention

that Jim Morrison thing any more.

Yeah. It's just that people

have started to talk.

They're saying things like,

"Hey, there goes Garth

and his friend Wayne..."

"...the psychopath."

It's embarrassing.

No offence or nothing.

No. None taken.

I believe this knife is yours.

It's just that things

have started to look a little bleak.

Bleak? What? Hey, no guff, Chet.

Until you pointed that out,

it hadn't occurred to me.

- Where you going?

- Mikita's.

- The usual. Are you coming?

- No. You guys go and have fun.

I'd probably end up

embarrassing you anyways.

No, no. I'm just gonna to stay here

and lick the cat's butt.

Just 15-20 minutes three times a

week can really make a difference...

- And all the other products?

- Joe, you know the price. 29.95.

That song is from your album.

Oh, man. She looks great.

It should be out next month,

or we hope it will be.

Who's we? Who are you looking at?

Let's see the guy.

- That's Bobby Cahn, my producer.

- That fine-looking man?

I'm in the wrong business.

I should be a record producer.

Then I'd have attractive

women smiling at me.

She will be mine again. Oh, yes.

She will be mine again.

- You were terrific. They loved you.

- You think so?

Listen to them.

They loved you. Me, too.

I didn't think I could do it without

my band. Your guys were so hot.

- Damn, I had fun.

- Good. Let's celebrate.

- Did you think about what I said?

- Yeah. I'm still thinking about it.

- Give me a week?

- OK.

W-what's the matter?

Is anything wrong?

Garth, I'm so scared.

Has someone hurt you?

I'll take care of it.

I'm a grown-up now, you know.

- It's... It's my husband.

- Your what?

Darling. I meant to tell you,

but my divorce isn't final,

and he came over here yesterday,

and he was crazy, like an animal.

- I wish someone would kill him.

- You mean, kill your husband?

No! Don't say it.

You mustn't even think it.

I know you love me,

but I won't let you kill my husband.

Although I know you want to.

We both know you want to.

Then you could have me any time

you want. And I do mean any time.

Get me my cigarettes, would you,

lover? They're in my purse.

I'm just so...

That's a pretty big gun.

Darling,

all this talk about killing

and.45 magnums with

the clip filed down and the safety off.

It's just all so confusing...

I won't. I won't. I won't...

- I won't let you.

- He is a dead man.

No way.

You know what? I got myself

into this, I'll get myself out of it.

I'll take it on the chin

and be a man.

Keep the faith.

If you book them, they will come.

OK. All right, man. You got to stop

doing that, all right? Oh, man.

- Hello, is anybody here? Hello.

- Oh, my God! Rip Taylor!

- You must be Wayne Campbell.

- Yes, I am.

- How are you?

- Very good.

- This must be Waynestock.

- Yes, it is.

- It's rustic and bucolic, but cute.

- Thanks.

How are you, pal? Better get ready

for the show. Get dressed.

- You can see him?

- Of course I can.

How are you gonna to miss

a half-naked Indian?

- Rip Taylor, Garth Algar.

- Rip, you showed up. Cool.

My people

got a call from you. Thank you.

Before I could say no,

this guy came to me in a dream.

I said, "Who are you?" He said,

"Jim Morrison. I'm a dead rock star."

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