We're the Millers

---

It's full-on double rainbow

all the way across the sky!

Whoa!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, my God!

Whoo!

What does this mean?

It's so bright.

Oh, my God, it's so

bright and vivid.

It's starting to look

like a triple rainbow.

Oh!

Going streaking

across the quad!

(MAN LAUGHING)

MAN:
Coochie, coochie, coochie!

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

David:
Yeah. No, I know. Uh-huh.

No, I'm not. I'm not. No,

I'm paying attention.

Mom, I'm listening. Just talk.

- Tyrone.

- Are you going trick-or-treating?

- No, because...

- Pow!

(BUZZES)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(BABY SPITS UP)

(BABY CRYING)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

I'm in the car. I'm

literally in the car.

David, hey. David Clark.

Rick Nathanson.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Little Ricky. We went

to college together.

Oh, sh*t. Hey, dude.

We all took ecstasy at Dave Matthews

one time and I tried to kiss you.

That's right. I remember that.

Yeah.

Yeah. "Crash. "

Yup.

Wow. I didn't recognize you.

You look very different.

I've gained a little

bit of Daddy weight.

You know the drill.

Actually, I don't, no.

- No way. No way! Still a free agent.

- Mm.

You son of a b*tch! You

lucky son of a b*tch.

You lucky, lucky son of a b*tch.

Wow, that's amazing. Wow.

Here. For old times' sake, huh?

For Daddy stress.

You're still dealing weed?

Best in Denver.

That's f***ing awesome.

Oh, my God.

That is so cool.

- You're still at it.

- Yeah.

- I envy you, man. I do.

- Ah.

Look at you. No wife, no kids.

- No responsibilities.

- Mm-hm.

Pfft, nothing. You got nothing.

You could disappear tomorrow

and who'd even know?

- Oh, what I wouldn't give.

- Yeah.

Oh, hey, I didn't mean

that in like, I mean...

No. It's all right. It doesn't bother me.

It's all right.

- Great seeing you.

- Great seeing you.

Okay, bud, I believe in you.

- Hey, David?

- Yeah?

- Facebook me. We'll get weird.

- I don't think so.

- Ha, ha! Get out of here.

- Good luck with the family.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh, f***. F*** me. F***.

Hey, great news.

We're gonna get high

and f*** tonight.

I'm sorry, honey. Put

Mommy on the phone, okay?

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

(NATALIA KILLS' "PROBLEM"

PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

I'm-a take my skin',

boot, rings All off.

Skirt, boots, rings All off.

Ooh, baby, you so bad,

boy Drive me mad, boy.

You don't care what

they Say about me.

Girl is a problem Girl

is a problem, problem.

Wow.

- You dance super good.

- Thanks.

I'm Kymberly. With a Y.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm Rose. With an R.

Is that your stage name?

- My what?

- Your stage name.

To protect yourself from the creeps

out there. You should pick one.

You know, something simple but

sexy and cute and short, maybe.

- Do you have a nickname?

- Totally!

Great. Use that, because...

I even got a tattoo of it.

Do you wanna see?

Uh, well, n...

KYMBERLY:
Check it out.

Rose:
"Boner Garage. " Oh, whoa.

You got a little

arrow there even.

Is that not like the hottest?

Boner Garage, you're up.

Oh, look at that. So excited and

full of life. That'll fade.

Hey, Rose. I know you're "technically" on

break, but I need a lap dance. Table five.

Just don't get too close.

The guy has two hook hands.

(SIGHS)

How did we let that

guy back in here?

Must have picked the locks.

Ha, ha!

(SIGHS)

How was work this evening?

Rose:
What do you care?

I'm just asking.

Rose:
Oh, just don't.

Fine. Well, is your

dummy boyfriend around?

No. Jimmy's with his parents.

Why?

Well, because Jimmy still

owes me 400 bucks, so...

Maybe you shouldn't

loan drugs to people.

- All right. Good tip.

- Mm-hm.

I was thinking is that maybe you

could help him out, settle his debt.

- Not a f***ing chance.

- You'd be doing me a solid, neighbor.

Oh, really? Neighbor?

You're not a neighbor.

You're a drug dealer whose apartment

smells like cheese and feet.

Mm. Yeah, it's a candle I

got from Anthropologie.

Cheesy Feet. That's what they call it.

It's a bestseller.

Oh, Rose, got a piece

of your mail here.

I'd lend you some money,

but we're not neighbors.

Oh, you're such a dick!

Have fun dying alone, jerk.

Have fun digging out the

singles from your crotch.

Rose:
My crotch only

takes 20s, David.

Hey, David.

- Hi, Kenny.

- I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.

It's called flirting, Kenny.

You'll learn about it in college.

What are you doing up? It's almost 2.

Where's your Mom?

- Uh, she went for a drink. With a friend.

- When?

Last week.

Uh, so I got the whole

place to myself.

Yeah. Rolling Han

Solo for the weekend.

David:
Mm-hm.

Um, speaking of rolling,

I was wondering if...

- I don't sell to kids, Kenny.

- I'm 18. I'm gonna get my own place soon.

Not a kid, David.

Yeah, you are. Take care.

Casey:
Give me my f***ing phone.

- You guys are such a**holes. MAN 1:

- Hey, baby.

Leave her alone.

MAN 1:
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

Kenny:
Unhand her.

Hey, leave her alone.

(GRUNTS)

Goddamn it, Kenny.

- F***ing tough guy Huh? MAN 2:

- You don't have to...

David:
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.

Easy, easy. What's

going on here?

- Mind your f***ing business, old man.

- Oh, my God. You're a dude. Ha, ha!

That scared me. Your voice was so

much deeper than your bone structure.

These a**holes are trying

to steal my iPhone.

You have an iPhone?

Aren't you homeless?

So? F*** you, dude.

Okay, this was fun. Carry on.

- Come on, let's go.

- What? No.

These guys are picking on

her and it's not fair.

What you gonna do, white boy?

You some type of hero?

Not a hero. He's a dumb kid.

I got an idea. Leave the girl alone.

Just move along. Huh, what do you say?

- "Move along"? David: - Yeah.

What are you,

some kind of cop?

He's not a cop. He's

actually really cool.

- Thanks.

- He's a drug dealer.

- Really?

- Goddamn it, Kenny.

Give me your backpack.

I don't wanna fight.

Well, there's not gonna be a fight.

See, you either give me the backpack...

...or I'm gonna stab you

in the neck and take it.

(WHISTLES)

It's a real Sophie's choice here, huh?

All right.

Okay, backpack it is.

If you wa...

Run, Kenny!

MAN 1:
You're dead meat!

Hey, sorry, I dropped my phone. Are

we still going out tonight or what?

F***ing sh*t! Sh*t!

(MAN 2 LAUGHS)

Oh, sh*t.

Sorry. This is f***ing dumb.

(GROANS)

MAN 1:
Whoa-ho-ho, motherf***er.

- We got you now.

- Unh!

MAN 1:
Do whatever's in the safe too.

MAN 2:
Look at that.

David:
It's not even my money. If

you take that my boss will kill me.

Kenny:
You okay, David? I can help.

I'll call the cops.

No, I'm okay.

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

David:
Hey!

Whoa, what the...! Unh!

MAN:
When Mr. Brad calls, you answer!

Get in there!

David:
Please don't tell me where

we're going. I love surprises.

- All right. Okay.

- Can I help you?

David:
Hi. You ordered

two black guys.

Oh. Okay. This guy.

No. David Clark here to see

Mr. Gurdlinger, please?

I'll tell him you're here.

Can I get you something?

Coffee. Tea. Fresca.

David:
Hmm.

You know what, a Fresca

sounds really good.

- You got it. David:

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