We'll Never Have Paris Page #2

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Is it "vici" or "Vicky"?

Vici.

It is Latin, so a soft 'V'.

Ah.

You got tattoos.

Me? No.

Unless you count "thug life"

scrawled across my chest.

However, that is henna, so...

No, I was just

Super scared, like...

He is going to be fine. He

freaks out about everything.

What? I do not.

Every time you sit

down at the piano now

you mention that your

hands are shrinking.

My hand span does seem smaller.

Okay, and then last week you

thought your hair was going white.

I found all these

white hairs on my collar.

Okay, which was cat fur?

I did not do a DNA test.

Okay, this is so ridiculous.

You know what I just realized,

I have never heard

you play the piano.

No. He does not play

in front of anybody.

If I am going heckled, I just prefer

that it be by me that am all.

That is cool.

I mean, it makes you

all mysterious

in addition, like tortured.

See... Yes, tortured.

That is my wheelhouse.

Oh, thank you so much.

- What did you do?

- How would that happen? Dev!

Well, I am stealthy.

Well, thank you.

In addition, I am sorry

to just dash out on everyone,

however, I think I am

going to grab a cab home.

Why?

I am just so tired. I have

that thing in the morning.

Can you give these people?

A ride to Jameson's?

Okay. Well, I love you.

I love you.

Bye.

I am probably going to

head out pretty soon, too.

I am going to go meet

up with my boys.

Okay.

I do not feel like

going to this party.

All right.

Why do not I just go drop you?

Back off with

Isaac and his boys.

Because I don't feel like getting

stoned and playing Foosball.

You philistine.

Do not call me names.

Did I hurt the fragile flower?

I am sorry.

Is that okay?

I mean, kissing my neck is okay.

It is like the same

thing as hugging.

No, no, no.

What?

I just really want to kiss you.

Well, that would not be good.

No, I know.

I could show you my b*obs.

Okay, wait, wait.

This feels rape.

Why?

'Cause you don't

want to kiss me.

I want to.

However, I cannot.

Yeah.

It is not like I

could be with Kelsey.

No, you could not.

Her legs, though,

Jameson, they are so long.

I have never seen legs

like that in person.

They are freakishly long.

I just... I have not been

in another relationship.

And now this

tall model likes me.

I mean, she thinks I am sexy.

Manly.

Okay, she modeled one time

in a catalog for Mervyn's,

and a lot of girls

think you are sexy.

More than think, I am sexy.

Okay, first off, girls

think I am cute, not sexy.

In addition, second, you are just

unaware of your good looks.

I wish I were unaware of my looks,

I am aware they are not good.

Sh*t.

I just lost a grand.

What kind of dealer

gets 21 every time?

A computerized one.

Maybe you do need to explore...

Wait a minute.

I thought you wanted

to marry Devon one day.

I do, that is what I am saying.

It is just... Those legs...

Dude,

you really need to chill out.

I feel like you're about to ask

me to help you hide the body.

I am fine, I am thinking clearly.

I just... I have a lot of energy.

I am galvanized.

Hey, check it out.

I...

am corning my own beef.

Better to corn your own

than someone else's.

I guess, okay, you are right.

I need to talk to Kelsey.

Just patch that up and then I...

She is so sexy.

No, no.

See, think of it like,

a wet dream, right,

nothing really happened.

So to talk about it,

would be awkward.

So what? Suppress my feelings?

And then,

by the time, I examine them,

they are all

tainted and deformed,

and then the idea of the event

and the event itself

would become inseparable and,

therefore, impossible to analyze?

I need to act now.

Okay, this is not Darfur,

you do not need to act now.

You need to go home.

You are not making sense.

Hey.

Imagine that was I

slapping you in the face.

That was.

Hey.

Still learning that same song?

Yeah, I just cannot seem

to get past this one part.

How was the faculty meeting?

Hilarious.

Why are you being so cold?

What about are you talking?

I just got back from work.

I want to take a bath.

We just spent the last two hours

debating

the plural of "syllabus."

Sorry, I...

I just wanted to

ask you something.

Okay,

can I just run my bath first?

Sure, fine.

I said, I wanted to

ask you something.

Okay.

However, you are in the bath. You

said you were going to run it,

not get in it.

Yeah,

who could have predicted this?

What is wrong with you?

Nothing.

I guess I have just been feeling

kind of confused recently.

About what?

I so immerse in everything.

I can't... See clearly.

Maybe, I just need to take

a step back for a moment.

Wait a minute.

What is happening right now?

Nothing. I do not know. Why?

Are you talking about us?

Not...

No... I do not know... Maybe.

Are you trying to?

Break up with me?

I do not even know

what is happening to me?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I cannot f*** believe this.

Devon, wait a second.

- Turn around.

- What?

Do not look at me,

I am getting dressed.

Now, I cannot see you naked.

Ten seconds ago, it was fine.

Yeah, well, a lot's happened

in the last 10 seconds.

Nothing has happened.

You are overreacting.

I do not even know

what I am saying right now.

Who is it?

- Who is what?

- It is always someone else.

What? The only girls I know

are you and Kelsey.

In addition, I am with you, In

addition, Kelsey is like a model...

Wow.

I did not mean that.

I do hear how that sounded.

Devon, what are you doing?

Do you like Kelsey?

Do I... No.

Not like that.

I swear.

Wait...

You did nothing there is that.

My head is just spinning...

Maybe I need to gain

some sort of perspective,

or objectivity for a second

before... What are you doing?

Do not touch me.

I am going to stay

somewhere else tonight.

Look,

if you don't want to see me,

I can go somewhere.

No, I am going, you stay here.

Where are you going to go?

I do not know, to my parents.

With wet hair?

You will get pneumonia.

Oh, please.

- F***.

- I know.

No. Thought I lost a piece.

Maybe you are not ready

to get married, dude, I mean,

obviously, your brain is trying

to tell you something.

No, I want to marry Devon.

I think. I have just been so

comfortable with her for so long.

I cannot tell.

It is easier to feel

when you are in pain.

I guess I just

fear that I have been confusing

complacency with happiness.

I am already 28, it is just

going to start flying by.

I want to feel like a man.

I want to experience crazy

romance, pining, and jealousy.

And whirlwind affairs

in foreign countries.

Hey, check it out.

It is a Middle Eastern man

on the camel.

They make those.

I did have to special

order it, but, yeah.

Okay, I am going to go now.

Hey, man. Hey.

Are you doing all right?

No, I just explained that,

while you were building

a scene from Aladdin.

No. Look, I am here for you.

Okay, thank you, I need to go.

- Home?

- Yes, home.

- No proposing?

- None.

- No Kelsey.

- No.

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