We're Not Married! Page #7

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and we ain't married.

That blubberhead that married us didn't

have his commission or something.

- Who says so?

- The government says so.

They wrote me a letter.

If we're not married

when the kid is born--

Listen, mister, me and my wife have gotta

get a license. We've gotta get married.

- We're closed. It's after 5:00.

- We gotta have that license!

I'm sailin' tonight,

and we've gotta be married.

This kid's gonna have a baby, and I'm

not gonna leave her here not married.

- Come on, will ya?

- Well, I'd certainly like

to do whatever I could.

- All right, then let's have it.

- There's an application.

I know. Where's the pen?

Oh. Come here, honey.

Groom's name. Age.

Color. Occupation.

What about that one?

Number six?

''Singled, widowed or divorced?

Check one.''

Gee whiz.

I think it's single.

What about the other time?

Well, you can fix it up down here

where it says, ''Number this marriage.''

- First.

- No, second.

- That'll fix it, won't it?

- Well, it'll either fix it or us.

- Still two bucks, I reckon.

- That's right. Thank you very much.

You got the book to marry us?

Oh, no. I can't marry you.

I'm not allowed to.

But who marries us?

There's a justice of the peace right across

the street, next to the lunch room.

- Is he open?

- Oh, yes.

He's been giving 2 4-hour service

ever since we got the naval base here.

- Next to the lunch room, did you say?

- That's right.

If he's not in his office,

look in the lunch room.

- He may be having a cup of coffee.

- Thanks. Thanks very much.

- I can't tell you how much

we really appreciate this.

- I told him all that, honey.

All I need now is to get picked up

by those M.P. baboons.

There they are.

See thatJ.P.'s office over there?

- Yes.

- We gotta get over there fast.

I got it. You cross over

and swing it a little.

- What?

-Just a little so those apes

will keep their eyes on you.

- Understand?

- All right, but what are you gonna do?

I'll meet you over there.

Just give me a second to get

started, then you take off.

Not too much, you understand.

I understand.

[ Clicks Tongue ]

[ Horn Honking ]

- Well, hiya, Vic.

- Hi, Ned.

- After somebody?

- Yeah, some guy without a pass, I guess.

All right. Where's the judge?

Oh. Come on.

Judge?

It's the star drive. Fix it.

So long,Judge.

- Be seeing you,Judge.

- Good afternoon.

You got a commission that says

you have the right to marry people?

- Why, of course--

- Let me see it.

Certainly. There it is.

Nothing personal. It's just that

I took a guy's word for it once.

- Where's the date?

- Right there.

Thanks. Okay.

We want to get married.

- Uh, have you a marriage license?

- Yeah. Right here, sir.

Come here, honey.

A physical report?

- A physical what?

- You'll have to have a physical report too.

- Is that the law?

- In this state it is.

But what about I'm the army?

Ain't that physical enough?

I'm afraid not. But it's a very simple matter.

Any physician can fix you up.

- There's one around--

- Willie! Willie, we just can't do it.

- What do you mean?

- We can't do it because

we're gonna have a baby.

- But I--

- [ Whispering ]

Not after we wrote that we

were single. Don't you see?

Oh, yeah. Uh, look,Judge.

Mrs. Fisher and I are in

a little sort of a situation here.

Uh, couldn't you just skip it,

just this once? For a sawbuck, maybe?

- Don't be ridiculous.

- But the fact is, if she went to a physician--

I just won't do it, that's all!

I simply won't do it!

I'd rather take a chance, Willie!

I can't understand what

she's so worried about.

- It's only a blood test.

- You mean,just a jab in the thumb?

- That's all.

- Okay. Where's the nearest doctor?

Just a couple of doors from here,

on the other side of the lunch room.

Ain't there anyplace in this town

that ain't next door to that lunch room?

- Come on, honey.

- But they'll catch us!

Don't argue!

I'm gonna be hung as it is.

[ Indistinct ]

[ Man Coughing ]

- [ Clears Throat ] Is the doc in?

- Have you an appointment?

No, but we want a physical report

to be married right away.

Will you sit down?

He'll be free in just a moment.

[ Coughing Continues ]

Way over.

He said it's just a blood test.

All they do is jab you in the thumb.

- [ Coughing Continues ]

- [ Intercom Buzzes ]

[ Laughing ] On my desk.

Yes, sir, he's a nice fellow.

I've always liked him.

- Well, Doc, we'll be seeing you.

- Drop in again, both of you.

[ Coughing Continues ]

You got a pass, soldier?

Which was it?

Your husband or your boyfriend?

- Both.

- On the same ship?

What business is it of yours?

None, of course. But there might be

something I could do for you.

Aren't you a little old

for this kind of cruising?

A little old, for one thing.

And for another, I'm a chaplain.

[ Ship's Whistle Blows ]

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't see your cross.

That's all right.

It's rather flattering, in fact.

Now, now do you feel

like talking about it a bit?

What's the use now?

Well, how can we tell until

I know what the problem is?

It's not use now.

It's too late.

But, oh, Padre, how we

could've used you two hours ago.

[ Sobbing ]

Come on.

Already?

They're gonna put you on

for the floor show.

- Standing by, sir.

- Okay.

Come on! Come on!

All right, Fisher,

over here. Sit down.

All set?

Go ahead, sir.

- [ Chaplain On Radio ] Willie?

- Yes, sir?

- Sit down. That's coming from the speaker.

- Yes, sir.

- Dearly beloved...

- Attention.

we are gathered together here in the sight

of God and in the face of this company...

we are gathered together here in the sight

of God and in the face of this company...

tojoin together this man and

this woman in holy matrimony.

Patricia Reynolds...

wilt thou have this man

for thy wedded husband?

I will.

Wilson Boswell Fisher...

wilt thou have this woman

for thy wedded wife?

[ Willie ]

Are you sure this is legal, sir?

[ Major]

Answer the man, you jughead!

I will. Really.

Therefore, as a minister

of the gospel ofJesus Christ...

and with the authority

conferred upon me...

I pronounce that

they are man and wife.

May I?

- Hiya, honey.

- Hi, baby doll.

That's all, I'm afraid, dear.

Okay, sir.

Good night, Daddy.

[ Willie Laughing ]

# I forget all my trouble ##

[ Bells Tolling ]

Wilt thou love her, comfort her,

honor and keep her...

in sickness and in health--

[ Bells Tolling ]

All right now, hold it,

everybody, please!

- Thank you.

- [ All Cheering ]

[ Bells Tolling ]

- Ohh.

- Now what?

- No rice again.

- [ Laughter ]

[ Excited Chattering ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

- Come on.

-Just a minute.

Pardon me, could you spare--

could you spare a little of that rice?

[ All ] Sure!

Will you join me?

I'd love to.

[ Laughing Continues ]

Do you mind

if I bring a friend?

[ All ] No! No!

- Okay, Panther Girl?

- Okay, White Fang.

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