Weekend at Bernie's Page #2

You gentlemen were saying...

Yes, well.

As you might have heard...

Larry and I have been reprogramming

the accounts on the new computer system.

- Right.

- Thanks.

Sir, it's a very big job.

A big job. We have been working hard.

A very big job.

I've been at it for quite some time.

Weekends also.

- Weekends, late, and...

- Why don't you show him?

Thank you.

We've got something

you should know about.

- Got them both there?

- Yes. Page 28 and 41.

You sure these figures are accurate?

- Yes.

- Positive.

Yes, sir, Mr. Lomax.

Bernie.

Call me Bernie.

I mean my father is Mr. Lomax, right?

Okay, Bernie.

- Yes, it's all there in black and white.

- We both worked on this one, Bern.

"E."

Bernie.

- Papers.

- Right here, Bernie.

If anything has to go,

I am glad it's my vision...

and not the old joystick,

you know what I mean?

That's computer ink, sir.

Oh, no, you are wrong. Look.

There are multiple checks issued

because there were several policies written.

You didn't take into consideration

that it's normal...

especially when using

a fluctuating COL index to combine...

look here, a package containing

short-term and straight life policies...

in an overall insurance portfolio.

Now you are wasting my time.

Richard worked on that part, sir.

That is true, Bernie.

But if you were to look at the back page,

where the policy indexes are...

you'll notice that the remaining policies...

are dated after

the policy holder died, Bernie.

You are right.

You are absolutely right.

Gentlemen, this is good work.

Very, very good work.

Thank you, Bernie.

I hate to say this, but it appears

as if somebody is trying...

to defraud the company.

Perhaps we should check back records.

Somebody tried to smoke it

past the wrong guy.

No smoking.

Gentlemen, how long have you two

been working here?

- Nineteen months and a week.

- I am not really sure.

- A little longer, I think.

- Longer? I was here before you.

No, Richard. I trained you.

I came here in January,

you came the end of May.

I trained you.

Whatever!

What I am saying is that

I think there is a big future here...

for a couple of bright fellows

like yourselves.

Thank you.

But I'd like to go over these numbers

with you...

just to make sure

that you've gotten everything.

The only trouble is if someone is trying to...

like you said

"smoke it past the wrong guy"...

I'd like to just keep it confidential.

I mean there is no sense sending up

a bunch of red flags.

No, absolutely not.

If you would like, we'll work late.

- Yes, I mean we'll work weekends.

- Weekends are very good for me.

Weekends. Good idea.

Give us plenty of time together,

no distractions.

It is Labor Day.

I got an idea.

How would you two like to come

to my house at the beach?

- Me?

- Us?

Yeah. Hampton Island.

Ever been there? Well, you will love it.

When we're not working,

there are distractions.

There are women, swimming,

boating, famous people.

Well?

- Love to!

- Okay.

Good! It's settled.

We are going to have a good time,

I guarantee.

My secretary will write down

the directions...

- give you the ferry schedule.

- The ferry schedule?

It's the only way to get there,

unless you have a boat. I don't know.

I have never even been on a boat.

I was once on the Staten Island Ferry

with my folks...

Whatever. You come out Friday night,

you'll have a great time, I guarantee it.

I'll even drive you back to the city myself

on Monday. Okay?

We don't know what to say, Bernie.

You don't have to say anything.

If you two uncovered what I think

you uncovered...

old Bernie here owes you both a great deal.

I mean it sincerely.

Now get out of here. Go on.

He loves us.

The man absolutely loves us.

You have to kill them, Vito.

Let me explain something to you.

We don't do that anymore.

We are a corporation now.

We are in the market. We invest.

Real estate. Car rentals. Parking lots.

Parking lots. That's good.

- I understand that, but...

- Didn't I order the walnut dressing?

- Yes, you did.

- Taste that.

Does that taste

anything like walnut dressing? Tell me.

This is the raspberry vinaigrette.

Should I have Paulie go

and talk to the chef?

This goddamn raspberry vinaigrette...

Excuse me, Vito.

I know how important food is to you,

I mean...

But we've got a problem here.

I give problems. I don't get problems.

How do you propose to handle it?

Let's make it a murder-suicide job. All right?

Okay, gentlemen?

I'll plant some money, fake a note,

and they can take the rap and...

I won't even have to change the books.

What do you think?

I like it. It's creative.

I am a little rusty. But it'll come back to me.

Okay.

- Do it.

- This is good.

I mean this is really good. Good.

I think we are going to have some fun.

- I have to get going. I really do.

- What, no dessert?

They do a wonderful crme brle here.

It's delicious.

No, gentlemen, I really must be going.

Thanks for dinner, Vito.

I got to go powder my nose.

Forget the accident with the two guys.

Take care of Lomax.

He's getting too careless...

too greedy.

Besides...

he's screwing my girlfriend.

But you said we were going to

spend the weekend at the beach!

You heard the conversation.

What am I supposed to do about it?

- Bernie.

- What?

I told Vito I was going to spend

some time with my mother!

I have to see you, Bernie.

Cut it out.

- What's wrong with you? Wait a minute.

- What?

- I have an idea.

- What?

You are on, 9:
00 Friday night.

I'll be at the apartment.

Just use your key. All right?

I'll wear something special.

I bet you never had sweet and sour

matzo balls before.

No.

- I am glad you finally asked me out.

- You are?

I wish you had asked me out sooner.

Today was my last day at work.

I am going back to college.

We could still have

this weekend together, right?

I am spending it with my folks.

- Are your folks in town?

- No.

Is this the intimate evening

I promised you, or what?

You think there's anywhere we could go

to just sit and talk...

and not have to scream

and get run over by garbage trucks?

- Hey, want to throw her in?

- How you doing?

I'd invite you to my apartment,

but I have five roommates.

And they are all at home

doing their hair right now.

That's a lot of hair. But it's clean. I like that.

It's either that or living with my parents,

and I don't think that's a good idea.

I can't blame you. Who'd want

to live with their folks? That's no good.

- Do you have any roommates?

- No. Roommates? No. None.

Why don't we go to your place?

Come on, baby. You're not a woman.

Are you? Tell me the truth.

Okay.

Why are you tiptoeing?

Because...

the people who live downstairs,

they're very light sleepers.

They get angry when I walk.

Why are you whispering?

- Am I?

- Yes.

I am. That's because of the walls.

They are too thin.

- Make yourself at home.

- Thank you.

Look at this teak.

I mean this whole apartment.

Sort of '60s style.

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