Weekend at Bernie's Page #4

Yeah.

It's not even dark out

and he's out of his skull.

He's been working awfully hard, you know.

Don't slap him. That's your boss.

I know. He's meditating.

He's not. He's like dead, man.

Come on, let's walk him around.

We'll get the blood circulating.

There we go. Okay, this way.

Here we go.

That's it. Move those feet, Bernie.

That's a boy.

- Here you go.

- Get him up.

Carry your weight, here, Richard.

Come on, Bernie.

- Move those feet.

- He's giving me a hernia.

I am losing him. Put him on the couch.

- We can't just leave him like this, you know.

- Come on, Bernie.

Get your hand off me, Bernie.

I'll make the coffee.

Don't you worry, Mr. Lomax, we'll make

you some coffee, fix you right up.

Tell you what, let's just make you

a little more comfy.

That is better. There you go.

You are dropping things

right out of your pocket here.

You want to come in here for a minute?

- Yeah, look, Rich, is instant okay?

- That's fine.

- Good. What?

- Look what I found in his pocket.

Wow.

Jesus.

I never knew he was into the drug scene.

God. Look how much is here.

This is not recreational. This is a career.

This man needs some help. You know that?

If he's not careful,

he's going to wake up dead.

I watch 20/20. I know the statistics.

I read.

- What?

- Larry, Lomax is dead.

He can't be.

Why do these things always happen to me?

What kind of a host invites you to his house

for the weekend and dies on you?

Why would he do this?

I mean, he had everything.

A house. Cars. Women.

This is tragic.

I don't understand why he couldn't wait

until Monday to kill himself.

Look. We have to call the police.

And how am I going to get back to the city?

He promised me a ride.

Knock it off, Larry. Who cares about a ride?

We are talking death here.

I mean this is just my luck.

I finally catch a break at the office...

finally see some light

at the end of the tunnel and wham! Gone!

Wait a minute. What am I going to tell them?

They might think

we had something to do with it.

I told everyone we were going

to Bernie's house for the weekend.

They were so jealous. I mean, I loved it.

- Now what am I going to tell them?

- I don't know.

Bernie, you should have been on the court.

- What a great day.

- Do you see him?

Where are you?

Bernie, baby, get off your ass.

It's party time!

You should have been out there

sailing with us today.

The sun was fabulous, the wind was

fabulous, we had a great time.

- Hi, guys.

- Hi.

Love you, darling, just love you.

You know, you could use a little sun.

We are going again tomorrow

if you want to go.

Lie on the deck, catch those rays.

Don't worry. I'll help myself.

He's dead.

That's the idea, isn't it? Cheers.

Hi, Bern!

Hey, Bernie.

Hi, Bernie.

Hey, dude. You need to pump some iron.

So, Bernie. What about your Porsche?

Had a chance to think about my offer?

You know, $30,000 is a more than

decent price for that car.

You just think about it, take your time,

don't rush into anything. See you later.

Excuse me.

You promised me a review...

on the front page

of the Sunday Times book section.

I know, Alice, but he won't bend on it.

He says there's no interest

in the subject matter.

Pardon me. What's the book about?

Whether Sherlock Holmes

and Dr. Watson were secretly married.

- Eyes, nose, and breasts.

- How much?

A little tuck here, little sand there,

a little lift there.

Do I need that much?

These people.

Where did all these people come from?

Floating party. Happens every weekend.

- Like a drink?

- No, thanks.

Yeah, I'd love some champagne, thanks.

Hey, Bernie. What a radical party.

Got to move your workout

to late tomorrow afternoon, B.

Liza's maid is over for the weekend,

and I had to give her your regular time.

Thanks, Klaus. I got it.

See you, Bern.

Feels good, eh, Bern? You are really loose.

Never seen you this relaxed before.

Keep it up.

I've got to go. Duty calls.

Hey, babe.

Hi, Bernie. I hear you got something for me.

A little present.

Playing games, are we?

It's got to be in here somewhere.

I think I found something.

Thanks a lot, Bernie.

Doesn't anyone realize he's dead?

Okay, Bernie, I'm going to shoot the wad.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I am going to go $40,000.

No? You'll be begging me.

We have to call the police.

Here.

- Some of the biggest producers.

- Yeah?

Hello, is this the police? Yes...

I got an idea.

I know it's going to sound funny,

but just hear me out.

No, why is the hair on the back of

my neck starting to stand up?

Okay, now, we could call the police,

we could do that...

but you know where we'd be

spending our weekend...

in some hot police station answering

questions we don't know the answers to.

Now, obviously Bernie felt

he owed us something here...

some small little favor for discovering

those mistakes at the company.

That's why he invited us out here

for the weekend in the first place.

It'd be almost disrespectful

not to grant him his final wish.

All I am saying is,

why don't we just pretend he didn't die?

Just for a bit?

I don't believe I am hearing this.

I loved that man. He loved me.

I know he loved you.

He'd want this.

I mean he would really want this.

Yes, Operator, can you get me

the police, please? Thank you.

Incidentally,

you're a disgusting human being.

Gwen.

- Well, hello, Gwen.

- Wayne. Hi.

Hampton Bay Police Department.

Hello?

It's amazing.

- Hello. Police department.

- I'll call the police.

No, you know, you were right.

Bernie would have wanted it this way.

No, I think we should call the police.

Larry, just give me 10 minutes, okay?

Take 20.

- Hi.

- Hi, Freda.

Darling, you look wonderful.

$45,000.

Plus free tennis lessons.

That's it, take it or leave it.

Is this guy a tough negotiator or what?

Keep the piece of sh*t.

What a bash.

You animal. You are insatiable.

You slay me, Bernie.

- I've got to talk to you.

- Bernie is a little wasted right now.

Hi. Wait. Okay.

I can't blame you if you

never want to speak to me again.

If I were you, I wouldn't want

to speak to me, either.

But I just want to tell you I am sorry

for being such a jerk last night.

I don't know what got into me.

I hope you can forgive me.

It was kind of funny, seeing your father

in his underwear and everything.

- So you do forgive me?

- No, but it was kind of funny.

I'll never lie again. Honest.

So what are you doing here?

Mr. Lomax invited me and my friend Larry

for the weekend.

- Moving up in the company?

- Yeah.

I saw this great play. Yeah, it's called...

You are on your own for a minute here.

Great writer.

Well, hello.

I'm Larry.

F*** off, Larry.

Okay.

By the way, how's your aunt?

- Who?

- Your aunt?

- She passed away.

- I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Didn't you say you'd be spending

this weekend with your parents?

- Yes, I did. I am. They have a house here.

- Great.

There's Bernie. I wanted to thank him

for my summer job.

I'll be right back.

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