Weekend at Bernie's Page #7

Got it? Hold the boat.

Hold that boat.

Hold it.

- Hi, Bern.

- How are you doing?

Hold the boat!

Hold the boat, please.

Hold on. We'll be right there.

We're coming.

Come on, Bern.

Hold it. Hold the boat.

Sh*t! What do we do?

Stop the boat.

Look at this fool.

He wants to get off, we want to get on.

- I'm gonna kill you.

- What?

You don't have to worry about

anybody else murdering you...

because I'll do it. This was all your fault.

- We'll die on this crummy island.

- Let me remind you...

you're the one who did the extra work

on the computer.

If it wasn't for me

you'd be fired six months ago.

You can't even work the coffee machine.

A little brownnosing, ass kissing,

to work our way up that corporate ladder.

Why can't you be a lazy sh*t like I am?

Somebody talk to the captain.

I've got to get off the boat.

- Let's go.

- I'm sorry.

Please.

Somebody talk to the captain.

- I'm sorry, but we're still gonna die.

- Not if Bernie's with us.

Great, I hope the killer keeps that in mind.

Larry, please tell me

how we're going to get off this island.

- We got a boat.

- What boat?

Lomax's boat.

- Tawny brought the keys back, remember?

- Right. Okay.

You go and get them,

I'll stay here with Bernie.

I'm not going anywhere without Bernie.

You go back, get the keys.

I'll stay with Bernie.

We'll all go back to the house.

We'll all get the goddamn keys.

- We'll all stay with Bernie.

- Fine.

Hurry up.

Move it.

Hold up.

Okay. The keys.

- Here they are.

- Got it. Let's go.

Oh, my God, Richard!

It's the killer.

Get the door.

Quiet.

- Lock it.

- I can't lock it.

I only have a key to the boat.

Kitchen.

- There's no door. Back door.

- Okay.

Don't panic.

Do something, Rich.

I got Bernie, you get the guy.

Do something, Rich.

Get him, Rich.

You in here, Lomax? You little bastard.

You jerk.

Kick me in the ass.

It's my turn now.

Got him, Lar.

There's another one.

He's got a knife.

Mr. Lomax.

What the hell?

- You can come out now, Rambo.

- You sure, Rich?

Good job.

- Two killers.

- Anybody could be the killer.

- Jesus, we gotta get rid of them.

- Let's shove them in the kitchen pantry.

I don't know why

I have to carry the heavy guy.

Get his legs.

Larry, let me out.

Here comes Bernie.

Coming through!

There it is. Stop.

Hi, guys.

Ready? On three, here we go.

One, two, three.

Let's go.

Okay. Untie us.

Okay?

- Give me the keys.

- Have you ever driven a boat before?

I was born on a boat.

This is a fancy boat.

- Push something.

- I am, Richard.

- Nothing's happening.

- I know.

- Push something else.

- Something's happening.

Something's definitely

happening here, huh?

Wait a minute, hold on.

Are you trying to give me a heart attack?

- I know it's here.

- Just keep pressing those buttons.

I'm pressing. I pressed that button.

- Nothing is happening, Larry.

- I know that.

- Did you try the key?

- Don't insult my intelligence.

- Try the key again.

- Fine.

See that?

- Here we go!

- We're going home. Give it some gas now.

Giving it gas.

Gas.

- Nothing's happening.

- More gas.

A little more gas.

We're not moving. Why aren't we moving?

I don't know.

- Larry, you said you've done this before.

- It's different than my boat, okay?

Don't panic.

Stop the boat, Larry.

Stop!

Back it up.

We got it.

- What's going on?

- That's illegal.

- What you're doing is illegal.

- You have a nice day now.

Are you nuts?

- Got it now. Moving forward. Hold on.

- Oh, sh*t!

Sorry, Rich. Coming back.

Coming around.

Why is this happening to me?

Coming back.

- Here we are.

- Stop the boat. Idiot.

Stop the boat!

- Where are the brakes?

- Boats don't have brakes, Captain.

You're kidding. How do they stop?

Throw the anchor.

The anchor, throw it.

- They're headed for us.

- Here we go.

Whatever you're doing, don't.

Sorry.

You broke my watch.

Mine still works.

You better put that thing

back on the dead body.

Drive the boat, Richard.

The cops are gonna take

our fat heads to jail.

My God. Look at them.

Ladies, how are you?

Hello, Betty.

God! Just once, I'd like a woman like that.

Let's party.

Turn the boat.

Watch the fishermen.

- Watch the wake!

- Duck!

Watch the wake, Richard!

This is tougher than it looks.

You're doing very well, Richard.

- Sorry I snapped at you.

- It's okay.

I've never been chased by a killer before.

It's all right. You're doing very well.

- Why is everybody waving at us?

- I'm popular.

I see.

Hey, Bernie, showing off again?

Oh, God. What the hell are those things?

Those are obviously channel markers.

Obviously.

Okay, wise ass, do you know

what side I'm supposed to pass on?

That I don't know. Just stay close.

What else can happen here?

I've got no idea.

- Serpentine.

- Is that close enough?

Do you hear something?

- There it's again.

- Yeah.

- I wonder what that is.

- What is that?

- Man overboard.

- What?

Stop the boat.

He's got nice form.

- I don't know.

- I'm trying to drive a boat.

- You're doing well.

- Trying to get us off this island of hell.

You had maybe one job to do.

Watch a dead body.

- Well, let's not argue about it.

- Jesus.

- You were the one who tied him up.

- Don't blame this all on me.

- Oh, my God.

- What?

You've lost my sunglasses.

What are you doing?

I haven't got a clue.

I don't believe this.

What?

We're out of gas.

Paddling in the Atlantic Ocean...

- on a dead body.

- I'm getting swimmer's ear.

This is now the perfect weekend.

It started when I almost broke my leg

jumping on a moving ferry.

I get to this beautiful beach and my host...

Sorry, he's dead.

Hampton Island.

Checkers. Excuse me, sir.

Is this your launch?

- Come on, let's go.

- Don't rush.

Come on.

- Can you put a little snap in it, fellows?

- Okay, Cappy.

Hold on, you damn fool.

I fell down a lighthouse.

I had a corpse wash up...

next to me on the shore.

And then I find out that my dead boss

is not only a thief, he wants to kill me.

I almost drown.

The girl of my dreams

now thinks I'm a raving lunatic.

You mean what's- her-name?

And, now, we're going back

to the house of death.

- Great weekend, huh?

- Great weekend!

Just get here as fast as you can.

Thanks, Ed.

Police is on the way.

Can just lock ourselves in

until they get here?

I hate it when he stares at me like that.

Let's go.

Put him in his bathroom.

- Bernie's picked up a little weight.

- What do you expect?

He's been soaking in the ocean

for two hours.

Made a damn good float though.

Are you in here?

It's Gwen.

Hi, Gwen.

You've got to be the weirdest guy

I've ever met.

You told me Bernie was dead, right?

I just saw you with him.

What's your explanation this time?

I don't mean to be rude,

but get the hell out of here.

No, I'm not going anywhere

until you tell me what is going on.

Listen to me!

You're in danger here,

leave unless you want to get shot.

Lomax is dead,

somebody is trying to kill us.

Can we stay at your house

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