What's the Worst That Could Happen? Page #2

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Come on, let me see 'em.

Let me see the lippies.

That's it. Wanna go to lunch?

Let's go. Come on.

Let's go.

We'll eat. We'll drink.

We'll forget all this crap.

Respect.

R-e-s-p... you know the rest.

That's what's missing.

Nobody respect anything now.

Nobody respect your work,

nobody respect your elders.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Nod your head, man,

if you're awake.

Yeah, respect. I hear you.

If I want to talk to myself,

I'll leave myself a voice mail.

I know that good-Iookin'

young man right there, baby.

I know that smile anywhere.

What you got

for good old Uncle Jack?

Uh, nothin'.

I just came by to see Amber.

- Where is she?

- She's workin'.

She loves to work.

She the best damn waitress

I ever hired.

All perky and sh*t.

You'd like her,

you get to know her.

How I'm gonna get to know her,

speakin' that foreign language?

I know all I need to know.

You ain't pulled a damn job

since she moved in with you.

Look, Uncle Jack,

I can talk to you.

- You sure can.

- I can talk to you, right?

That's doggone right.

- All right, I think...

- What?

- I know...

- OK.

- I love her.

- No, no.

Son, son, she wrong for you.

She too decent.

What?

Whatever happened to Sharon,

that nice con girl from Chicago?

- Two years upstate.

- For what?

- For conning people.

- No.

Yeah. But, see, with Sharon,

it was just sex.

- That's good.

- But with Amber...

- Well, it's still sex.

- That's good.

- But we talk.

- Talk?

Yes. It's so amazing to wake up

with someone and just talk.

Talk? You ain't Oprah.

Hey, honey bun, how are you?

- Mmm. How ya doin'?

- All perky and sh*t.

Hey, look what the cat drug in.

Hey, something cold

and Bavarian, barkeep.

- You got it, buddy.

- Berger.

- Hey, what's up, Kevin dog?

- What's up?

Everything's sweet now.

Hey, to all the women I loved

and who loved me back. Salud.

You better not let Anne Marie

hear you talkin' that sh*t.

Aw, don't worry, man.

She'll nev...

It's Anne Marie.

What, does she have radar?

Berger, best thing

that ever happened to me.

Sweetheart.

Pleasure to meet you, Berger.

And any friend of Kevin's

probably works nights.

I gotta get back to work myself.

See you later.

- It's a delight and a pleasure.

- Sooner than later.

Nice ass.

Hey, man, what did I just say?

I'm sorry, dog.

I didn't know you meant it.

Come on, most of the girls

you go out with are, you know...

Yeah, well,

this one's different.

She got a degree

in anthropology.

I'll remember that if I ever

need to phone a friend, OK?

- Do that.

- Hey, Kevin, I got one.

- What?

- Tonight.

Big score. Safe as houses.

Safe as houses?

A paradox, as they say.

Yes. In fact,

it is a house of which I speak.

- Well, talk to me.

- You ever read the papers?

I used to,

but the news kept changin'.

- Ever hear of Max Fairbanks?

- The big tycoon?

Hey, this better be good.

Oh, you're gonna love this, man.

Check it out.

Come on.

I want you to read that.

"Billionaire Max Fairbanks

today put Trigram real estate...

"a division of T.U.I.,

into Chapter 11."

The man's broke,

and we gonna rob him?

Oh, don't cry for him,

Argentina.

This man would steal your moms

if he wanted corn bread.

This is one of those

legal heists.

Big business... that's where

they really teach you to steal.

No heavy lifting.

Do it while you're on vacation.

And brothers like us

don't even have a dental plan.

Come on, read on.

"Under the terms

of the Chapter 11 agreement...

"Fairbanks no longer has access

to various properties...

"including West Chop...

"his Marblehead

beach-front residence."

The man can't even

get in his own house?

- Always makes me laugh.

- The old upstairs hall light.

Why don't they just

hang out a sign...

"Welcome, burglars.

No one home."

- Here.

- Damn, these are nice.

Aren't they, man?

I know a lot of guys who

switched to rubber surgicals...

but for comfort and feel,

you can't beat the Isotoner.

First class, my man.

First class all the way.

Coming from you,

that means a lot. Serious.

It's all good. Let's do this.

Oh, come on, Max.

You never let me do it.

I'm not done. I have more.

God, I can't believe you.

Max, will you please

listen to me?

I love the costume.

I'm naked.

Oh, a joke.

Yeah, a joke.

Ah, baby. I did it. I did it.

What do you say?

What do you say?

Can we please get back to what

we were talking about before?

Oh, that. Look...

I think you'd make

a wonderful...

entertainment journalist,

Kimberly.

Tracey. Tracey Kimberly.

I'm just not sure

I want to talk about it...

at this precise moment.

You know, I knew you'd say that

once we did it...

Don't say

what you're about to say.

Don't turn

a perfectly fun evening...

into something cheap and sordid

by talking business.

Here comes the little finger man

coming to get you, hmm?

Wow, check that out.

Ooh, look at that.

- Faberge.

- Oh, baby.

Gold enamel, diamond inlay.

Oh, yeah, I have it now.

Yeah, baby.

And I got the score, baby.

Is that not the score

or what, huh?

Fun, too.

Like an Easter egg hunt.

You want to hop upstairs,

and I'll just work this floor?

You called it. You called it.

Thanks.

All right. You wanna do it?

Let's do it. Here we go.

- Really?

- Yeah, sure.

Go. Ready? We're gonna do it.

Five, four, three, two...

Titanic heartthrob

Leonardo DiCaprio...

told me, Tracey Kimberly, in

an exclusive E.T. interview...

that he is currently

in negotiations...

to do a sequel

to the summer blockbuster...

which will be entitled

Titanic 2.

What is it...

the story of a dead guy

on the bottom of the ocean?

Who?

Well, lookie here.

Monday...

Tuesday, Wednesday...

Every day of the week.

- What?

- Shh. Quiet. I hear somebody.

Oh, yeah. Now we're stylin'.

Berger, a tan suede newbuck.

Yeah, I like a thick sole

with a tailored suit.

Grounds it,

know what I'm sayin'?

I do.

- Oh, gosh.

- That's why I bought them.

Tracey,

come on, get out of here.

What do you think this is,

a photo shoot?

But I want to see

what's going on.

What does it look like

is going on?

The guy's robbing the house.

I got a gun on him.

Go on back in there.

Put your clothes on.

Damn. You must be rich.

That's right.

Eat your heart out.

Look, you caught me,

fair and square.

But how about

I walk out of here...

nothing taken, nothing harmed?

How does that sound?

You stay right where you are,

or I shoot you in the head.

- How's that sound?

- Violent.

But I see your point.

- So, he wasn't carrying a gun?

- No, sir.

- No I.D.?

- Nothin'.

- What's your name, bro?

- Petey Wonder.

I'm Stevie's little brother...

but I don't sing.

You know who I am?

You got a lot of balls, huh?

You come into my house,

into my bedroom...

and take my ring.

- What?

- That's my ring.

Stop trippin', all right?

This is my ring.

Ha! Son of a b*tch! He was gonna

waltz out of here...

with my ring

on his little finger.

Take off the ring,

give it to Mr. Fairbanks.

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