What's the Worst That Could Happen? Page #4

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Design Times, June '98.

Beacon Hill townhouse

of Max and Lutetia Fairbanks.

Damn. Lutetia

looks more like Morticia.

What the hell were you doing

at the beach house...

and who the hell

were you doing it with?

Scandal and disease, Max.

These are the deal-breakers.

I'm a monk.

Just because

you have the hairstyle...

doesn't mean

you lead the lifestyle.

And take off your shoes...

the white carpet.

Oh. Tell me again.

Why did I marry you?

Because I grew up

on Beacon Hill...

which gave you entre

to wealthy family friends...

who could invest

in all your business ventures.

And you had a great ass.

Oh. Have a great ass.

Don't forget.

Picker is hosting

the botanical garden benefit...

at the Sheraton Boston tonight

honoring me.

I'd like to pay tribute

right now.

Come over here.

Six o'clock sharp.

Picker hates it

when you're late.

Right.

Picker first, pecker later.

Boy, I need a massage.

Ah, hold up, hold up.

E-mail from Gloria...

benefit tonight at the Sheraton

Boston with his wife. Nice.

Let the games begin.

Ha ha. Yeah, Kevin.

Hell, yeah, baby.

Very hip, very cool.

Very Vegas in the sixties.

But how about you come over here

and we mess it up a little bit?

Let me entertain you first.

Give me dollars,

give me dollars.

Put 'em here.

Twenties go here...

hundreds go here.

During her eight years...

of involvement

with the botanical garden...

she has impressed us all with

her generosity and enthusiasm.

Evening. Evening.

Evening, sir.

Lutetia Fairbanks.

What's happening,

birdie, birdie?

You a talking bird?

Say, "Max, that's your ass."

Ooh!

Ooh, I'm sorry. Ladies!

Where have y'all been?

Lookin' good.

You know, I haven't seen y'all

since my polo accident.

Who does your eyes?

Yeah, yeah. Look at y'all.

Mucho elegant.

Thank you.

And thank you all

for coming tonight...

and for

your ongoing commitment...

to the Boston

Botanical Foundation.

We have all sorts

of exciting plans lined up...

none of which would be possible

without your generosity...

Let me ask you something.

Is that Mrs. Fairbanks up there?

Their tireless team

of volunteers...

'Cause I'm confused.

I thought Mrs. Fairbanks...

was a young brunette

with, like, big soapy titties.

You're here to blackmail me?

Be cool.

I'm just here

to get back my ring, OK?

That's my lucky ring,

and I want it back.

No, it's not,

because now it's my lucky ring.

Spoils of war.

It means something to me.

Well, it means something

to me, too...

because I took it

off a little pissant...

who broke into my house...

while I was trying to nail

Miss September.

That was Miss September?

Yeah, it was Miss September.

Oh, damn. I got that issue.

So how rich are you?

You know...

it's guys like you

think you can just...

take whatever you want,

don't you?

- Guys like me?

- Yeah.

Who's the thief here?

I want my damn ring.

Well, you can't have

your damn ring.

You're gonna regret this.

Excuse me.

Total stranger.

Trs bizarre.

Are you gonna eat that?

I'm telling you, man.

When... when word gets out...

everybody

is gonna be laughing at me.

That's it.

His ass is going down.

- Take him down, man.

- Millionaire, billionaire.

It don't even matter.

He's out the game.

When I see him, what's up?

Pow! Boom!

But you know what?

That's just the start.

Guess where else I'm going.

I'm gonna do the ghetto smack.

- Oh, the ghetto smack.

- What's the ghetto smack?

Well, you hit him with anything.

Drum set, bam!

Piano, pow!

Stop it!

Sorry to break up the party...

but I thought you were trying

to get the ring back for me.

Yeah, baby. That's right.

Kevin, are you blinking?

No. What it was, right...

I had something in my eye.

See, probably right here.

- See?

- I think I got it for you.

Oh, yeah, it's gone.

Do me a favor.

Keep out of trouble, will you?

No doubt.

Baby letting you know

when something in your eye.

- What you got?

- Check it out.

He and his wife are going

to some cocktail party...

ending by 8:
00,

home by about 8:
30.

Yeah, we'll be there

waiting for him.

Take the ring right off

his finger in his own home.

And before that?

A complete removal

of all things portable.

I'm sure we can work this out,

Judge Callahan...

if you just look

in your file there.

You have a sworn statement

from my client...

stating that he only went back

to the house in question...

to pick up

some very important stuff.

Very important stuff.

I have a good idea

what he picked up there.

Oh, you do, do you?

You don't think the rules apply

to you, do you, Mr. Fairbanks?

What?

What's he talking about?

All right, all right, all right,

that's enough.

Since you defied my order...

not to enter

the Marblehead beach house...

I have a good mind to reopen...

the entire Chapter 11

bankruptcy proceeding.

You know, you weren't so cocky

when you came to me...

with your hand out

asking me for money.

What did you say, Mr. Fairbanks?

You think I forgot how much

it cost me to get you elected...

by spreading stories...

about your opponent's

sexual preferences?

Oh, get some money.

I fork over, and what do you do?

You sit there

like a big, fat blob!

- Sell the house!

- Up yours, you fat pig!

And all the contents

at public auction.

Max, what did you get

so crazy for?

I'll tell you. He forgot

who the hell he paid off.

It was the other judge.

I told you.

Tread a level course.

You don't listen to me anymore.

So I forgot

we backed the other mutt.

Boy, this guy holds a grudge.

Max, you get one final visit...

to gather and remove

any personal effects.

- One final visit?

- Yep.

Max, I could come along

if you need some help.

Thanks just the same.

Dial Miss September.

Everything's gonna be fine.

The car will be here any second.

we'll go to Missy's party,

and we'll leave early.

- Right.

- Don't be so down, Maxie.

We still have

an awful lot of houses left.

Move your ass, Berger.

Don't start dragging on me.

- I got a bad feeling, Kevin.

- Come on.

Something's not right, man,

I'm telling you.

The only thing's not right

is you run out on me again, OK?

- I'm talking violence.

- I'm not leaving you, baby.

You can't get rid of me, man.

We're partners.

We're like Shaq and Kobe.

We're like Pippen and Jordan.

We're like

Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Ann Marie's been making me go

to theater lately.

- OK, I'm on the alarm.

- All right, good.

Alarm disabled.

And we're in.

Yeah, baby.

This is right out

of a Hitchcock movie.

I'm getting vertigo.

What's on your mind, Max?

Tell me.

Oh, it's that bum of a judge.

He's allowing me

one last visit to Marblehead...

to collect my belongings.

I thought maybe after the party,

I'd drop you off home...

and I'd go on out

for one last overnight.

You know what?

You've been through a lot today.

Let's forget about the party.

You go get your things.

Nobody knows me like you,

Lutetia.

All right.

OK, sounds good.

I'll just throw a few things

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