What's the Worst That Could Happen? Page #5

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in an overnight bag.

- That's them, man.

- I'll come with you.

What?

In the elevator.

What the hell

are they doing back?

I don't know.

And then on to the beach house.

But... but, uh...

You know, there's no sense in

both of us going to the beach.

I insist.

That's the whole point...

It's been discussed. I'm going.

They're gone.

You don't even like

the beach house.

It's so suburban.

You are in a fragile state.

I can't bear to think of you

out there all alone.

Come on.

It'll be fun.

l... Give me a minute.

- Where the hell did they go?

- I don't know.

Dial Miss September.

Dial Miss September!

Tracey, forget about tonight.

Let's go, Max!

They're up there.

Come on, move it.

Hold it.

Sounds like there are voices

coming from the wall.

- Yeah, I don't get it.

- Stop. I'm going.

It's not too late

to change your mind.

Stop it. I insist.

Damn!

Quick, the alarm.

We gotta hurry.

Engage in three, two, one...

Damn.

Move one inch, and we're done.

There are motion detectors

everywhere.

Tell me about it, Berger.

Help me.

You sound like The Fly.

I'm sorry.

- I gotta call Windham.

- Hurry!

Windham!

Shut up! Just shut up!

I'm telling you right now,

the brakes are shot!

Shut up, will you?

You are making me nervous.

You were born nervous, and

you're making me more nervous.

- Could you please?

- That rabbit is brand-new!

I can't be spending my time

running around getting...

Will you quiet down? I'm trying

to break in to this place.

How dare you drive that fast

when we got kids in the car.

Don't yell. I was barely

going over the speed limit.

Where the hell is he?

I can't hold on much longer.

I feel that way, too...

'cause my legs are dead.

I can't feel my ankles...

my knees...

Uh, my calf is swollen.

Kevin, I know this is not

the time to tell you this...

but I didn't have to pee

until right now.

Let it go, man. I won't tell.

That's what you said last time.

Why is it every time Kevin calls

we gotta drop everything...

but anytime I call,

you pretend you can't hear me?

Maybe because I like Kevin.

You take that back, or you'll

never saw me in half again.

We want ice cream!

You kids want to disappear?

I can make that happen!

Do not upset your father,

you get it?

I can never find

the right damn key.

Say thank you.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Yo, I need your help, man.

This bag is too damn heavy.

I need your help, man.

I'm trying to help myself.

I can't even move my neck.

Oh, man,

this thing's unbelievable.

- I got the numbers, honey.

- I got the lock.

You're the wind

beneath my wings.

Alarm disabled.

Security disarmed.

OK, she's fixed.

I can't feel my ass.

Numby-numb.

Yeah, can you believe it?

Me and Edwina together...

ten years this September.

Yeah, ten's a big number.

We're gonna have

a big anniversary party.

We hope you can make it.

There's gonna be...

- Come on!

- Shut up!

Sure. I should be walking again

by September.

I can't believe

it lasted ten years.

I couldn't even last

ten minutes with her.

Damn, this is nice stuff.

First quality, top drawer.

I can do one of two things.

I can give you

two hundred grand cash now...

or, if you're willing

to trust me...

I could pretty much guarantee

that I can fence...

most of the valuable stuff

for a much larger figure...

and square up

with you guys later.

It's totally up to you.

We'll take the cash.

Still no luck.

Total failure.

About sixty Gs.

Oh, I got something for you.

I knew it was

your favorite color.

It's beautiful.

Oh, my God!

Where is my painting?

- Gone.

- I can't believe...

Who would do something

like this?

That sneak thief.

Don't look down.

Oh, hey, get some water,

Gloria...

and shut that damn dog up

before I do.

Park it there, OK.

All right. Oh, sweetheart.

Oh, baby. Oh, sweetie.

Here you are.

Oh, thank you, Gloria.

Here you go.

I need a cigar. Give me my...

Where are my goddamn cigars?

Perhaps the thieves

also smoke cigars.

It's become so common,

hasn't it?

Who the hell are you?

Detective Alex Tardio...

nineteenth precinct... robbery.

Alex.

That's a...

Here, pumpkin, pumpkin.

I love dogs. I have three

Bichon Frise myself.

I love Bichon Frise.

Lovely, fluffy little...

Come on.

So, how can I help you?

Help me?

I'm here to help you.

Why don't you take it upstairs,

boys?

Hey, listen, uh...

You and your wife

went away together...

to your beach house

just for the one night?

Yeah, that's right.

We're giving it up.

Selling it. I suppose

we were saying good-bye.

We're sentimental.

You know how it is.

I'm a renter.

Why are you selling the house?

It's part of a court

settlement... technical procedure.

- Bankruptcy?

- Technical procedure.

So, let's see.

When did you and your wife...

decide to make this sentimental

journey out to your beach house?

Last night.

We were on our way

to a cocktail party.

- Missy Davidson's party, right?

- Pretty thorough, huh?

That's why I get the big bucks.

Wasn't there something else

that happened...

out at your beach house

recently?

Something else?

A robbery.

Wasn't there a robbery there?

Yeah, yeah. That's...

Yeah, it was a robbery.

l... Well, in all this,

I completely forgot.

Weren't you there? In fact,

weren't you there with...

That was perfectly innocent.

You were there with the burglar,

and it was perfectly innocent?

The burglar, yeah.

I was there with the burglar.

Just me and the burglar.

Scandal and disease, Max.

OK, so,

I read the police report...

and it's all very confusing.

Confusing?

Yes, and they're both

burglaries, aren't they?

You think maybe

it was the same guy?

- I didn't say that, you did.

- Then what are you saying?

Oh, I see

all sorts of scenarios.

That was a good place

for a picture.

Like?

Like there's a house

full of valuable objects...

out at the beach that

you're not supposed to be in...

but you are,

and a burglary occurs.

And then you talk your wife

into leaving this house...

for sentimental reasons...

and when the coast is clear,

it happens again.

Are you suggesting

that I hired a thief...

to burglarize my house...

so I could collect

the insurance money?

I'm not suggesting anything.

You asked for scenarios.

You're the one

that keeps saying things.

Watch it, Mister Detective.

You come into my house

and accuse me of things?

You think I need

the insurance money?

I could buy and sell

a thousand of you.

Here, come on, baby.

The Yorkie

is an independent dog...

but a devoted companion.

And despite his small size...

he is more than willing to act

as a guardian for his master.

Buy and sell a thousand of me?

Really?

Just out of curiosity...

how much would you get

for someone like me?

You know, wholesale like that.

I can't tell

if you're trying to trap me...

or you're looking for a bribe.

What the hell was that?

All right, boys,

let's take a good look around.

Dial Earl.

Incoming!

Earl Radburn,

head of security, T.U.I.

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