What's the Worst That Could Happen? Page #6

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It's Fairbanks.

We got a situation here.

Yes, sir, Mr. Fairbanks.

I'll be there at 1400.

Speak English, Earl.

It's like 2:
00, 2:30

at the latest.

All right. Move your fat ass.

What a fruitcake.

$2,500 for a skirt?

What, are you insane?

That's daylight robbery.

It's like I always say, Kevin.

Everybody's in on the game

in their own way. Am I right?

- Sure, you're right.

- See? See? Listen to that.

At least

we're up front about it, OK?

These guys

invite you to Paris...

turn out some 14-year-old models

who look like boys...

I mean,

who am I to judge, right?

Pretty soon you're light

a couple hundred Gs...

flyin' back to Dallas

to your big-assed wife...

Hey, you leave my ass

out of this one.

I was talking about

a hypothetical ass.

See why I married him?

Anybody?

Yo, yo, yo.

I got information on your boy.

Fairbanks has to be

in Washington on Wednesday.

He's appearing before

some Senate subcommittee.

Something about owning

too many television stations...

in certain key markets.

It's just a formality, because

from what I can gather...

he's gonna grease up

the bums on the subcommittee...

before he even gets there.

See? It's just like I said.

Everybody's in on the game.

Then we go to Washington.

Where's he staying?

Homeboy keeps a crib

across from the Watergate.

Hold on. I'm coming.

Oh, no.

No, you're not coming.

Ann Marie, we're going.

We should go to Washington.

You're absolutely right.

Please stay out of this.

Baby stay out of it. Thank you.

You know what? Bottom line...

you're not going.

So nice you could get away

for a couple of days, boo.

Very sweet of you

to insist, boo.

Well, we're all here...

Fred, Ethel, Lucy, and Ricky...

the Mertzes and Ricardos

go to Washington.

Lucy, don' do that to me!

Stress. That's the killer.

You can't think straight.

You get all tight and confused.

Lower.

That is as low

as I'm gonna go...

until you make

a commitment, Max.

You knew I was married...

when we started

this relationship, Tracey.

I meant a commitment

to getting me an audition...

with Entertainment Tonight.

Oh, that.

Well, let me be perfectly clear

about that.

You have no talent.

What the hell

did you do that for?

- You have no respect.

- Well, why should I respect you?

Oh, my head's ringing. Oh, oh!

My whole head is ringing.

Massaging you

is like kneading dough...

and as for the sex,

let me be honest.

It was like sleeping

with a damp sheep.

A**hole.

She's just upset

because I'm dumping her.

Eleven more months

where she came from, sir.

Right.

What I want to know, Earl...

is what are you doing

about this schmeggege...

keeps breaking into my houses?

I have my people

working on it...

people you don't need

to know about...

and if they could find

a certain blue dress...

and they by God did, they can

find this weasel like that.

Max, why not just give back

the goddamn ring?

We've got bigger fish to fry.

It's not your ring.

- It's not mine?

- No, it's not your ring.

You stole it. Give it back.

This wacko breaks into my house

and tries to steal my stuff...

and this isn't my ring, Walter?

Spoils of war.

Spoils of war.

Right. Goddamn right, Earl.

Max, you've got

a lot of business...

in gray areas at the moment.

You're letting a small-timer...

distract you

from the bigger picture.

Sometimes you have to give back

a little to get a lot.

It ain't gonna happen, Walter.

It is not gonna happen.

I want to go home!

What does this look like,

a taxi?

Dial Lutetia.

Ah! Now we're in business.

OK.

To hell with the monuments.

Here we go. Savvy shopping

in the nation's capital.

We're gonna go to Georgetown.

You're gonna freak out.

Oh, man, it's a bad angle.

I can't get a clear look

at his place from here.

So, hey, how are you guys

gonna get past the doorman?

Nothin' fancy.

Just stroll right in

like we own the place.

Welcome to Potomac House.

Our apartments

on the east side...

have magnificent views

of the capitol.

Our penthouse suites

are five thousand square feet...

and have three hundred and sixty

degree vistas...

but, of course, there...

we're talking about

quite a bit of money.

Salaam. Salaam. Kuwait.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I most humbly apologize.

However, there seems

to be a confusion...

because the prince

would like to know...

how much

for the entire building.

Wait. Let me see is correct.

- Hassim yassi.

- Correct.

I'm not sure that's possible.

Get up! Oh, maladar! Ah-kleck!

Salaam, salaam, salaam.

He say, "For right amount...

camel can dance up pyramid."

It loses something

in translation.

Why don't you take the elevator

up to the penthouse suite...

and I'll gather

some of my people together...

and meet you up there.

Make yourselves at home.

It may be your home.

Home.

Go.

Give her big bug, beef jerky?

Mine, all mine.

He say

he would like to hump you...

but we are

on a very tight schedule.

Salaam aleichem.

Come on, Berger.

Is anybody home?

What are you looking at?

Nothing. You just look great

in a tablecloth, man.

Not a lot of people

could pull it off.

I mean, look at Arafat.

I mean, look at me.

I look like

I should be driving a cab.

Damn.

So this is Max's D.C. pad, huh?

Mebala.

Maxie? Maxie waxie?

Your friends are here.

- Watch your step, sir.

- Whoa! I'm all right.

We'll meet back at my place

to prep for the hearing.

All right, Max.

Earl, you call me the minute

you hear anything, you got it?

On it.

Wonder where lard-ass is.

Hello? Are you there?

Max, it's Gloria.

Pick up, Max.

We're in the clear.

It's the phone.

Are you there?

Well, I just wanted to let you

know the money is in your desk.

I mean, the contributions

for the senators.

You may want to call me

for a reading with the cards.

It's a PAC,

just like Shelly said.

You still need me for the cards,

don't you, baby?

So sad.

The marrying maiden.

What the hell's

that got to do with me?

The ring.

The thief.

The castle.

The thief is in the castle.

Dial Earl.

Got it. Here they are.

Look at that.

See, you can't outright

just bribe these senators.

You gotta give the money

to these PACs.

PACs. I don't know.

It stands for something.

Why don't you just save it

for the senators?

- Wait. Wait, wait.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

Earl, he's in my place.

He's at my apartment.

Get the cops

and meet me over there.

I'm going up the back way.

Welcome back, Mr. Fairbanks.

"...this, and eat sh*t.

Love, Max."

A hundred and fifteen thousand

dollars cash.

- The greatest crime.

- Maybe we should go, huh?

What, and leave the ring?

- Welcome back, Mr. Radburn.

- Not now.

- Come on, let's go. Come on.

- Stop worrying, OK?

I gotta get this ring.

That's easy for you to say.

You don't have a prison record.

I got some good undershirts,

didn't I?

Oh, my God. Kevin.

I told you,

let's get out of here.

What?

- I knew this was gonna happen.

- Berger's got his pager.

God, I'm hard.

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