What's the Worst That Could Happen? Page #9

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More than once.

But honestly,

an employer and employee...

what are the percentages?

I just want you to help me up.

I hurt my back.

That was a joke, by the way,

and... and a good one.

Goddamn vultures

are starting to circle.

Make yourselves at home,

scumbags!

Calm down, Max. You're gonna

give yourself a coronary.

I don't have coronaries.

I give them.

Well, I know

this is tough for you...

so I just called

to wish you well.

My therapist won't be happy

about that, but what can I say?

I have a soft spot for you.

Well, thanks, Lutetia,

I appreciate it.

You might be an a**hole, Max,

but you're my a**hole.

Thanks again.

- Masseuse.

- I didn't order a masseuse.

I sent her over.

I thought you might need

to relax.

You sent me a masseuse?

The therapeutic kind, Max...

not the kind you're used to.

l-I'll call you later, Lutetia.

Thanks.

It's all right, sweetie.

I'll get back

and check the tube, sir.

We're gonna nail this thief...

just so bad

you won't even believe it.

Yeah, yeah, go nail him.

About last night,

I just want you to know...

- Get out of here!

- All right, sir.

Yes. I'll do it.

Wonderful.

Yeah, come here, baby.

Must go walkies in the park

one day...

my dogs and yours.

- Excuse me.

- Go away.

Can't do it, sir.

Sorry, sir.

I heard the groaning...

but I'm afraid we need you.

The auction's about to start.

- Any sign of him?

- Not yet.

Would you like

a little massage oil?

Ooh, yeah.

A little massage oil.

More is coming. I shall return.

- Hey, how's it going?

- Good.

Coconut shrimps are flying

like hotcakes. Hey, wait.

You hitting that champagne?

Your eyes look funny.

No, it's my allergies.

Don't get up.

Ladies and gentlemen...

please take your seats.

Mr. Boyle regrets

that he cannot be here...

to conduct the auction

as planned...

due to a last minute

emergency...

and has graciously sent us...

his associate

Mr. Heinrich Haffmueller...

in his stead.

Mr. Haffmueller.

Here we are. Welcome

und bienvenue to our auction.

My associate

is bringing the first item.

Lot 720. A pair of...

- Chinese.

- Chinese...

- Women.

- Women.

If you brought that crap in

our trailer, I swear to God...

I'd throw it

right out the front door.

We'll start the bidding

at One thousand dollars.

Five thousand dollars.

We'll start the bidding

at five thousand dollars.

Yes, five thousand dollars.

Thank you.

Do I hear six thousand dollars?

Yes, six thousand dollars

from the man.

Do I hear seven thousand?

Seven thousand dollars?

Earl, where the hell is he?

He'll show himself. Just one

thing out of the ordinary...

and my men will be on him

like a... like a...

Sold! Wunderbar! I love it!

All right, check it out.

Alarm system, security cameras.

Yo, I'm plugged into everything.

Do I hear thirty?

Thirty thousand dollars?

Oh, wait a minute,

wait a minute.

The fraulein with the large hat

has something to say?

Oh, let's make it fifty.

- I've got a helicopter to catch.

- Sold!

Come on, Earl, you've got...

all this expensive equipment

in here.

I want some results.

One false move, believe me,

and my men will be all over him.

Uh, team leader to eagle one,

team leader to eagle one.

Got anything yet?

Nothing yet, sir.

Nothing at all.

Surprise, surprise.

Wow, wow. I could do

this sh*t all day.

Do I hear thirty?

Thirty thousand dollars?

- Forty.

- Sold!

Goddamn! Forty!

All right, we're going to go

to our next item.

Do I hear $15,000?

Do I hear $16,000?

- Nineteen.

- Sold!

- Thirty-four!

- Sold!

- Our next item is...

- Renoir!

Renoir, oh, my God!

I got coasters!

Sold!

Thank you, lord.

He'll show himself.

Believe me, sir.

When? When? I want to know when.

I want him now.

Come on, Earl, I want something.

What am I bid

for this lovely item?

Hmm? This wonderful

eighteen-karat yellow gold...

Daytona Rolex watch?

Will you slow down?

Look, it's almost 2:00.

You gotta move your fat ass.

Hey, that hurts my feelings.

Oh, what feelings?

You got no feelings.

- I lost ten pounds today!

- Yeah? Where, your toenails?

- Just give me the box.

- I'll give you the box.

- My God, that's thing's heavy!

- You know why it's heavy!

Would you please...

Oh, I love that fat bastard.

I got so many nice things.

Really? I'm happy for you.

We'll start the bidding

for the Rolex at $10,000.

Do I hear ten thousand dollars?

Yo, big Max, now it's on.

It's 2:
00,

and it's time for the bomb.

Hey, how you doing?

Listen, Max...

I'm sure by the time you see

this you're gonna be pissed...

but I want to thank you...

for having a brother

back at your beach house.

I'd like to report a fire

at the Fairbanks estate.

Twenty-five Harbor Heights

in Marblehead.

- Big fire.

- Fire!

You son of a...

Code red. Repeat... code red!

- Fire!

- Fire!

Code red!

Are you ready for the mayhem?

Bam!

Hustle, boys, hustle!

Come on. Come on.

Where is he?

Didn't I tell you

you could do it?

Look at the mess I caused.

Wait'll I tell the kids.

Tell them, tell them.

Hey, with this watch I can move

into a white neighborhood now.

- Probably.

- Pull this truck out!

- Come on, let's go!

- Yes, sir. Where's Kevin?

Just go, just go.

He's used to it, trust me.

- Fellas, we rich.

- Yeah, we're rich!

- Filthy rich.

- I can't believe it!

I deserve it!

It's the underground kid,

I be hacking from the van

And everywhere I go they

screamin' Shelly nix the man

Yo, Shelly nix the man,

yo, Shelly nix the man

Where are you,

you son of a b*tch?!

Where the hell is he?

No, get off of me!

No, leave me alone!

I'm looking for somebody.

Let go of me! Let go of me!

Max! Oh, I love this. Max!

I'm sorry, Max.

I'm all right, OK?

You understand? I'm OK!

Jesus!

Son of a...

b*tch!

You think you're getting away.

Your ass is mine!

Your ass is mine!

Stinking thief!

Oh, my!

You're not getting away.

- Get off me!

- Give to me!

Give me it, you son of a b*tch!

Give me that ring.

- Oh, sh*t! Man!

- There's water!

Wait, wait. This ain't the ring.

- Wait are you trying to pull?

- That ain't the ring!

What do you mean,

that ain't the ring?

Whoa, water!

- Look.

- What?

- This has an inscription inside.

- Inscription?

Yeah, it says, "Grow up."

My lady said that to me.

My wife told me the same thing.

Damn! Lutetia did this.

She got that masseuse to oil it

right off my finger.

You... you joking, right?

Let me see that.

We're going down, man.

Max Fairbanks?

Max Fairbanks?

That's right. It's me...

and I'm arresting you

under suspicion...

of bankruptcy

and insurance fraud.

Prove it!

Oh! A woman scorned.

Kevin Caffrey.

Is that you?

Hey! What up, Tardio?

Kevin, what are you doing here?

Well, uh...

I swam out...

when I saw that my fellow man

was in trouble.

He's a total stranger.

Never saw him before!

Trs bizarre.

Oh, yes. Trs bizarre.

Not as bizarre as you.

Thanks, Max.

I owe you one, man.

Ah, don't mention it.

You and me,

we both love the game.

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