What's Your Number?

(TAKE BACK THE WORLD PLAYING)

Light as a feather

Stiff as a board

I'm-a elevate myself

on my own accord

Ain't nobody's business

Who's life is this?

You question my existence

I'm-a read you the list

I'll keep you on your toes

That's just how it goes

You can deal with the lows

Just keep dodging the blows

So I'm-a do me

Who else do I be?

'Cause I create my own destiny

I'm-a take back the world

Yo, you got this, girl

I'm steppin' up my game

I'll keep repeating the same

Be on my hustle every

minute of the day

It was mine for the taking anyways

I'm-a take back the world

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

How come you always look

so great in the morning?

Do I? Aw.

Got to go, babe.

Oh! I made tempeh sausage.

Hey, so, I was thinking

that maybe you'd want to be my date

to my sister's wedding.

There's a vegetarian alternative.

I already checked.

Are your parents going to be there?

At my sister's wedding? I think so.

I don't know.

It just feels a little serious.

Oh.

I'm sorry, it just...

It felt kind of serious last night

when you were doing me from behind,

but I couldn't see your face, so...

You know, if you ever want

to just hook up, you can call me.

Oh, thank you, Rick.

That's very generous of you.

Yeah.

- See you around.

- Keep it green.

I roll with the punches

Take 'em as they come

There's some disappointment

But what's the point

[WOMAN]:
Colin, hurry up.

Take a break for a sec

Prepare for what's coming next

I'm-a take back the world

[DAISY]:
(SIGHS)

Ally, I could have told you

it wasn't going to work out with

Rick two months ago.

Why?

You love meat, you hate cyclists.

- I do love meat.

- And to be honest,

I was always a little worried about the way

he kept wanting to do it doggy style.

Some people like that, you know.

No, nobody likes it.

Even the dogs are just waiting

for it to be over.

How many relationships do I have to have

before I meet the right guy?

Evidently a lot.

Hi. Hi, I'm the bride. I'm Daisy.

If you could just...

I'm-a take back the world

Yo, you got this, girl

I'm steppin' up my game

I'll keep repeating the same

Be on my hustle every

minute of the day

Never let it get away

I'm staying motivated

Keep it uncomplicated

Nothing in between me and my dream

Be on my hustle every

minute of the day

It was mine for the taking anyways

I'm-a take back the world

Hi.

- Hi, guys. Hi.

- Hi.

Right now. Thinking or smelling?

Ooh, no doubt smelling.

Oh, he's obviously thinking.

Whatever she's saying

is thought-provoking.

That would be true if she's talking

about what his finger smells like.

- Ally.

- Hi.

Jet Li is not related to Bruce Lee.

Lee is a very common Chinese last name.

They both know kung fu, but that's the...

Keep your coat on.

Okay, hold... I got to call you back.

Sweetheart, we have to let you go.

I'm sorry,

but we had to make some painful cuts.

(SNIFFING)

[ALLY]:

Who else is getting fired?

Well, for now,

just you.

Oy!

(CELL PHONE CACKLING)

(WHISPERING) Hi, Mom, can I call you

right back? I'm in a meeting. Okay.

Mmm.

(SCOFFS)

Not necessary.

No.

Oh.

10.5? Holy sh*t!

I'm sorry.

It just says here,

the average number of lovers

women have in their lifetime is 10.5.

Yeah, that seems very high.

High? No, that's low!

- 10.5 is low!

- Whatever you say.

(SIGHS)

(SHOWER RUNNING)

Valerio!

Oh! Finally!

Hi, Mom.

Ow.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry, the train was late. You look great.

I'm growing out my bangs.

Mmm.

Oh, where is Rick?

Rick's on a business

trip, for his business.

Oh, nuts! I was looking forward

to finally meeting him.

At least this one

doesn't make balloon animals.

Why aren't you wearing

the dress I bought you?

This is the dress you bought me.

What? It looked very different

on the mannequin.

- Is Daisy upstairs?

- Yes, she is. She is a wreck!

Okay. I'm gonna go check on her.

Please do.

- Oh, your cousin Beau is here.

- Step-cousin.

He's a step-cousin.

We're not even really related.

Beau.

Hi.

Oh, thank God you're here.

Mom has been such a b*tch

ever since Eddie's parents got here.

She just cannot believe

that her marriage ended before theirs did.

Well, Dad should be here soon,

so she'll have someone else

to focus her hatred on.

Um, Dad's not coming.

She wouldn't let me invite him here.

Are you inviting him to the wedding?

(SIGHS) I don't know.

Oh.

Hey, what was Creepy Puppet Guy's

actual name?

You mean the guy who lived next door

who was obsessed with me? Gerry Perry.

Gerry Perry! Thank you.

What are you writing?

Nothing, just some notes for my toast.

Is it gonna rhyme?

That depends. What rhymes with "orgy"?

You just keep it

under three minutes. Ready?

- You look amazing.

- Thank you.

You go ahead.

I'll be down in a couple of minutes.

Okay.

Eight, nine, 10, 11,

12, 13, 14, 15,

16, 17, 18, 19.

Holy sh*t. 19?

(GLASS CLINKING)

May I have your attention, please?

Oh, yoo-hoo! (LAUGHS)

Can I have your attention, please?

I want to thank you all,

- each and every one...

- Huh.

Cute.

(CHUCKLES)

Beau.

Careful. He can be a little rough

on the nipples.

...to celebrate my dream come true,

the engagement of Daisy and Eddie.

(GASPS) Ooh.

As most of you know, we are a family

that likes to toast one another.

So, to start the ball rolling,

Daisy's big sister... Ally?

Ally.

(GIGGLING)

[ALLY]:
Hello.

Hello.

(LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

When Daisy first told me

that she was dating Eddie,

I couldn't believe it.

[GUESTS]:
Aw!

I said, "Eddie Vogel?"

"The schmuck you went out with

in high school?"

"He was the biggest douche-bag

of them all".

(CHUCKLES)

Even worse than Baby Hands.

You guys remember him?

Baby Hands.

You know how Eddie broke up with her?

He started dating her best friend,

who's here tonight, by the way.

Sheila, stand up.

(SIGHS)

But...

But

when Eddie saw Daisy

at their high school reunion,

he knew what a big mistake he had made.

No offense, Sheila.

And now, Eddie's amazing.

You wouldn't even know

he's the same guy.

Except he looks exactly the same.

(LAUGHING)

God! I wish I went

to my high school reunion,

but I was growing out my bangs.

I'm always growing out my bangs.

Don't get bangs.

Well, to Daisy and Eddie!

(GUESTS GASP)

It's okay. It's okay.

(GUESTS CHATTING)

[SHEILA]:
Okay, to Daisy and Eddie

and the end of your life.

To Daisy and Eddie.

- [ALL]:
To Daisy and Eddie.

- To me.

Okay, it's party game time!

- Oh, a game? Really?

- Absolutely!

But which one?

God, what to play? What to play?

Ooh! Let's write down

the number of people we slept with.

- Great idea, Katie.

- What?

Okay, we just need paper

and more drinks. Be right back.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns.

Of all the clichs in all the world.

Wow. I didn't know you were

gonna take getting fired so hard.

I don't have to laugh at your jokes anymore

because you're not my boss.

Let me buy you these drinks.

I feel really bad about today.

Really?

Thanks. I can't afford them anyway.

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