What's Your Number? Page #10

Which is insane, I know,

because you're perfect.

But you're not perfect for me,

and I don't think I'm perfect for you.

I'm so sorry, Jake.

If I had been honest with myself earlier,

or ever,

I wouldn't have put you through all this.

Yeah, well,

that would have been preferable.

Right. I don't think I'm gonna

stick around for the cake. Excuse me.

It's really good.

(SIGHS)

Okay.

(INDISTINCT)

Where's... Where's Jake going?

- Sir, champagne?

- [ALLY]:
He's leaving.

What? In the middle of the reception? Why?

Because I never should have

brought him here in the first place.

You're gonna let him go?

Oh, Ally, I... I don't understand you.

Ally, why? Why are you doing this?

Honey, you were finally happy.

No! You were finally happy.

I don't wanna marry Jake Adams.

- That's not who I am.

- Oh, my...

I'm a jobless whore

who's slept with 20 guys,

and I want to be with somebody

who appreciates that about me.

You may not understand me, Mom,

but you don't have to.

All you have to do is love me.

I know that I'm not perfect,

but that's why you have Daisy.

My dress is too tight

because I'm four months pregnant.

(GASPS)

- What?

- What?

Oh! (LAUGHING)

You're pregnant?

Yes. Now get out of here.

Thank you.

Surprise!

I'm gonna be a grandmother.

I'm gonna be a grandmother.

(ALL EX CLAIMING HAPPILY)

All the drinks are sitting

here on your tray.

What is the matter with you?

Is this too difficult?

Kevin, where's that list you had

of all the other weddings

- going on in the city today?

- It's right here.

Okay, thank you.

(ALL GASP)

Goddamn. Damn it!

(BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLEPLAYING)

Hi.

Every time I think of you

I feel shot right through

with a bolt of blue

It's no problem of mine

But it's a problem I find

Living a life that I

can't leave behind

(CAR CHIRPS)

But there's no sense in telling me

The wisdom of the fool

won't set you free

(CAR CHIRPING)

But that's the way that it goes

And it's what nobody knows

Well, every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling

I get down on my knees and pray

I'm waiting for that final moment

Colin!

I feel fine and I feel good

I feel like I never should

Whenever I get this way

I just don't know what to say

Why can't we be ourselves

like we were yesterday?

Every time I see you falling

I get down on my knees and pray

I'm waiting for that final moment

You say the words that I can't say

(DOOR SLAMS)

Oh, come on!

Blessed be this union

and may it bear fruit.

(CARS HONKING)

Colin! Colin!

Blue car, keys are in it.

(CARS HONKING)

[MAN]:

Get the f*** outta the road!

Hey, watch it, lady.

Shut up, you a**hole!

Sorry! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

Thank you.

You can help yourself to some pepperoni.

Miss, your name?

Uh...

I...

I'm... I'm sorry.

[COLIN]:
Hi, everyone. Hope you're all

having a good time tonight. I know we are.

This next song is a local band.

Hope you enjoy it.

(PLAYING JUST WHAT I NEEDED)

(SINGING) I don't

mind you coming here

And wasting all my time

'Cause when you're

standing oh, so near

(GRUNTING)

I kind of lose my mind

This is bullshit.

Why didn't I just wait for him

at his apartment?

And wasting all my time

(EX CLAIMING)

F***!

F***!

- F***!

- F***!

I don't mind you hanging out

And talking in your sleep

It doesn't matter where you've been

As long as it was deep

Yeah

Always need to wear it well

You look so fancy, I can tell

(MUMBLING OFF-KEY)

I don't mind you hanging out

And talking in your sleep

I guess you're just what I needed

I needed someone to feed

Someone to...

I need to talk to you

- Right now

- I needed someone to feed

(MOUTHING)

Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.

(GUESTS GROANING)

Okay, everybody,

we're just gonna take a quick break.

Why don't we get those

toasts started?

So, papa bear, come on up here.

[MAN]:
Hello, everyone, and

thank you all for coming out tonight...

[CHILDREN CHANTING]: Fuckity f***!

Fuckity f***! Fuckity f***!

What're you doing here, Ally?

I have a speech

that I wanna make to you,

but I was afraid

that I was gonna forget it.

So, I figured it would be easier

to drive, bike,

and run across town in my high heels

so I could tell you right now.

What's the speech?

Well, the gist of it was,

I'm sorry.

- That's it?

- No, wait, there's more.

I...

I'm happiest when I'm being myself,

and I'm myself when I'm with you.

That was it.

I guess I was just so afraid

that you were another a**hole

that I became the biggest a**hole of all.

You weren't an a**hole. I was an a**hole.

I should have given you Jake's number,

I just...

I didn't think I could compete with that.

There's no contest.

You're the most decent guy I've ever met.

I think I love you, 21.

I love you, too.

- Three hundred and...

- No!

(LAUGHS)

(GUESTS CHEERING)

(COMMENTATORS SPEAKING

SPANISH ON TV)

(PHONE RINGING)

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

[JAY]:
Hey, Kelli,

Kelli with an "I". What's up?

It's Jay from Club Med Turkoise.

I got a weird message

from your assistant,

and I just wanted to let you know,

we never had sex.

Uh, you did this awkward striptease

involving maracas,

and then gave me a shitty hand job.

You claimed it was something

you like to do called "dry style,"

vomited in my suitcase, and

then you passed out in the shower.

So, yeah, we never slept together.

(ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(NEON LIGHTS PLAYING)

You're number 20!

I'm still at 20!

I can't believe it!

You are number 20!

Yes!

It will outlast everything

You think is set is stone

It goes on and on and on and on

On and on and on and on

Buzzing like neon lights

Can you feel my love?

Loud and clear

Pulls you near

Can you feel my love?

We got all the memories

So much more we can see

Better than a first kiss

Snow falling at Christmas

Like sleeping in on Sunday

Laughter we never faked

Bob Marley in summer

One love for each other

Oh, it feels like...

Fireflies

Day and night

Can you feel my love?

Everyone is looking

for a special connection

But it's like your compass points

a million directions

Do you need me to buy you

a telescope so you can see

How good this could be

Buzzing like neon lights

Can you feel my love?

Loud and clear

Pulls you near

Can you feel my love?

We got all the memories

So much more we can see

Better than a first kiss

Snow falling at Christmas

Like sleeping in on Sunday

Laughter we never faked

Bob Marley in summer

One love for each other

Oh, it feels like...

One love for each other

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