What's Your Number? Page #5

Where does your band play?

Here, for now.

My mom's friend is looking for a band

for her son's bar mitzvah.

No, thank you. We're not that kind of band.

The kind that makes money?

Let's drop it.

We got 10 possibilities left.

Jay from Club Med Turkoise.

I'm trying, but I need more info.

I'm sorry, it was spring break.

Jay may not even be his real name.

I'm certainly not Kelli with an "I".

Barrett Ingold, lives in Miami.

I know it's not geographically desirable,

but he is a doctor now.

Don't care. I hate Miami.

I think too much sun makes people stupid.

Okay. How do you feel about Denver?

I found the mountain man, and that guy

has got a caboose worth relocating for.

Pass! He always wanted

to breathe fresh air.

Do you know how exhausting it was

to pretend to enjoy the outdoors

with that kind of enthusiasm?

More exhausting

than pretending to be British?

I never had to wipe myself with a leaf

when I was pretending to be British.

Touch. What about Gerry Perry?

He's a puppeteer, so he's single.

(GRUNTS)

I don't want to go out with Gerry Perry.

Where's Jake Adams?

- In Noyaradougou.

- What? Where the hell's that?

Africa.

He runs

his family's philanthropic foundation

and he's overseeing the construction

of a school there.

Is he ever coming back?

Eventually. In the meantime,

I've got Gerry Perry.

(GROANING) No!

(COLIN LAUGHING)

All right, so the puppet show starts at

2:
00, and I'll meet you at the park.

(SIGHING) Okay.

- Hey, Colin.

- Yeah?

Thank you for all your hard work,

by the way.

I really appreciate it.

You do?

Because sometimes, it's hard to tell.

Really?

Oh...

(CHUCKLES)

What are you doing?

Trying to end the night with a bang.

(ALLY SIGHS)

You really can't hang out with a girl

without sleeping with her, can you?

Well, I can, it's just not that much fun.

(WHISPERING) You're not on my list.

You could just cross off the dead guy,

put my name on there.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

[GERRY AS PUPPET]:

Who did the poop?

[ALL]:
You did the poop!

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Whose kid is this?

- He's my nephew.

If I'd shown up to the puppet show

without a child, it might be creepy.

Great. Huh.

- Can you say hi, Justin?

- Arr!

He's a pirate.

[GERRY AS PUPPET]:

What are you talking about?

- All right, you're up.

- Great.

Come on.

- Thanks, Gerry.

- You're welcome. (CHUCKLES)

Daisy home?

No.

(GRUNTING)

So, when do you think Daisy will be home?

- Gerry?

- Ally?

- Oh, my God, what are you doing here?

- Hi. Oh,

you know, I'm just

babysitting for a friend.

Ah, cool. So, you saw the magical show.

Yeah! Wow, the kids, they just love it.

That's just because I say "poop" a lot.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, so,

(IMITATING FANFARE)

Recognize this bad boy?

Hey there, Smart Alec.

Hi.

So, how are you?

Quit being a p*ssy,

and ask her about Daisy.

What? Come on, man, don't be rude.

You are rude. Sorry about that.

That's okay. I'm great.

Great, great. Well, you look great.

Not as great as Daisy.

Ignore him.

(GRUNTS)

Hey, but seriously,

maybe we should exchange numbers,

you know, and catch up.

You know what? I think I'm all caught up.

Cool!

But it was really great running into you.

Great running into you.

- (AS PUPPET) No, it wasn't.

- [GERRY]:
Big mouth.

Okay, I'll see you around.

- Hey, Daisy.

- Hey.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Daisy...

I can't believe I slept with that guy.

- Where's Justin?

- This is Justin.

That's not Justin.

What's the matter with you?

Didn't your mom teach you

to not walk off with strangers?

What's the matter with you?

You didn't realize you had

a completely different human being?

Justin!

Okay. What does your mommy look like?

Like you.

Lucas! Get back here!

Wait. Wait.

Do you really think

I look like your mommy? Huh?

Answer me!

Answer me, Lucas!

Lucas!

No disappearing acts, buddy.

Okay, I am not buying you any more food

until you find Jake Adams.

If he was so perfect,

why didn't it work out in the first place?

Well, we made this pact that we would

lose our virginity to each other,

but Jake went abroad junior year,

and while he was gone,

I broke the pact.

With who?

Which one of the 20 could have possibly

been better than Jake Adams?

And why aren't we looking for him?

You already found him.

Gerry Perry?

You lost your virginity to the puppeteer?

(LAUGHING)

I know. I felt bad for him.

Oh, Ally, I underestimated you.

That's amazing.

That's... That's my new favorite thing

about you.

Hi. Thank you.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Is Eddie coming?

- No. Mom. Don't go.

(SIGHS)

I can't have lunch with Mom.

I didn't wash my hair.

You can't even tell. It looks great.

You haven't told Mom

Dad's coming to the wedding, have you?

- No.

- And that's why I'm here.

- Yes.

- And my hair doesn't look that great?

No. I can't tell her alone.

Fine. Pass the butter.

- (HUMMING THE WEDDING MARCH)

- Hi, Mummy.

Hi, Mom.

Kitty. Oh, my.

So, the caterer called.

Um, how strict a vegetarian

is your boyfriend Rick, honey?

Would he be willing to eat

just a little chicken for one night?

No, Rick's not coming. They broke up.

- Daisy!

- What? Not again.

- Dad's coming to the wedding.

- What?

Ally!

How could you do this to me?

I'm not doing anything to you, Mom.

Except making it impossible

for me to come.

You're not gonna come to my wedding?

Not if your father's coming, I'm not.

Maybe he can be Allison's date. Hmm?

I'm sure you will just have

a lovely, lovely time.

- Bye, Mom. Bye.

- Bye, Mom.

- You have to fix this.

- I'll talk to her when I get back.

- Where are you going?

- Miami, for a Pap smear.

- Why?

- Do you remember Barrett Ingold?

The guy who threw up in our dishwasher?

Yeah. He's a gynecologist now.

But you hate Miami.

I know. But I'm not having

as much luck as I'd hoped locally

and I'm running out of time,

money, and viable eggs.

So, you're telling me

that tracking down your ex-boyfriends

is more important

than helping me plan my wedding?

I know it sounds stupid to you,

but it is important.

I feel like everyone else

is moving on with their lives but me.

Ally, I'm all for moving on, I really am,

but it just feels like

this quest you're on is a little nuts.

(SIGHS) You know what? If you hadn't given

your ex-boyfriend a second chance,

you wouldn't even be having a wedding.

Besides, I need a Pap smear

and he takes my insurance.

I'm late for my spray tan.

Hello, Allison.

Barrett?

Oh, my God, is that you?

Hi.

It's Ally. Ally Darling.

Oh. Yeah, from spinning.

No.

From... Oh, Greg's birthday party.

We went to college together.

- We dated.

- Oh.

How about that?

Well, that was a long time ago.

So, let's see how things are going now.

Can you scooch?

Very good.

(HUMMING)

Ally! Of course.

He recognized my vagina!

What's going on down there?

I got to say, I'm a little freaked out.

Well, I'd be happy to take a look for you.

(GROANS) I used all my miles for that!

Cross Barrett off the list!

You know what? Cross the list off the list!

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