What to Expect When You're Expecting

1

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

(TV SHOW THEME PLAYING)

HUTCH:
Welcome back to

Celebrity Dance Factor.

I'm Hutch Davidson

and we are live from Hollywood

just moments away from crowning

our season champion.

Now, we've just seen the last dances

from our first two finalists.

Reality television star, Whitney Port.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

And Miami Heat basketball star,

Dwyane Wade.

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

Which brings us to our last, but certainly

not least, finalist of the night.

Everyone's favorite tough love trainer from

the weight-loss show, Lose it and Weep.

Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna throw up.

- We got this. We got this, okay?

- You're right. We can do this.

- Just one more dance. One more dance.

- We know how to do this.

Jules Baxter

and her partner, Evan Webber!

(BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

(LATIN JAZZ PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING)

Alex, quick, come see this!

What are you watching?

Celebrity Dance Factor.

- No.

- It's the finals!

HUTCH:
Even I need

a cold shower after that one.

Let's turn to our esteemed panel ofjudges.

Tyce? Let's hear your score.

Five stars!

(LOUD CHEERING)

(INDISTINCT)

Okay. Cheryl Cole?

You know what, if I had six stars,

I'd give you the six.

But I've only got five,

so you can have those.

- Jules is taking it.

- No. I think D-Wade has it.

- What?

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And Taboo of The Black Eyed Peas,

let's have your thoughts.

It wasn't for me, so I gave you a three.

- Dude. She's totally doing him.

- No way.

Don't question the sage insights

of Star Buzz.

HUTCH:
We've tallied the judges' scores

and added them to our viewers' votes.

And let me tell you, this is

the closest result we have ever recorded.

May I have the envelope, please?

Thank you.

And the winner of Celebrity Dance Factor,

Season 15 is...

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SQUEALS) I can't...

Jules Baxter and Evan Webber!

(LOUD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHS)

(RETCHING)

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

Jules? Are you okay?

I'm sorry. So sorry.

Let's hope she's not pregnant, folks.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

Fireworks!

Book signing. Milk It! the book!

Pictures of breasts inside!

Welcome, everyone, to The Breast Choice.

I'm Wendy Cooper, wearing two hats today

as store owner

and author of my very first

children's book Milk It!

- (SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

- Yay!

So let's get started.

Hi.

"Goats do it.

"Cows do it.

- "Kitties do it.

- (MEOWING)

"Even dolphins in the sea do it.

(MIMICS DOLPHIN)

"When your mommy uses her breasts

to feed a baby

"she is feeding her baby the..."

Tits!

Gary!

GARY:
Okay, okay. Sorry. I got it. I got it.

- Hey, kid!

- All right!

- They're called breasts.

- Thank you all for coming.

It was just lovely. And hug your mommies

for breast-feeding you.

- Thank you.

- Bye. Thank you. See you.

- Hey! Great job, hon!

- Did you get that kid?

No. He was too fast.

But I said some choice words.

They were very choice.

Punk. Next time, get him.

Okay. I will. But what's important right now?

That I just had my first reading.

Yeah! Yeah, you did! You did great.

- I gotta get back, okay?

- What? No! Gar!

- Lil Wayne is waiting.

- Can't some other dentist do it?

Squeaks, it's my first grill!

- Right? Yeah.

- All right.

- It's a big deal.

- I was gonna take you to lunch, but okay.

Next time, all right?

Congratulations! Great job!

(TRIUMPHANT TONE PLAYING

ON CELL PHONE)

- (GASPS) Gar!

- Yeah?

(TARZAN YELL PLAYING

ON CELL PHONE)

Two minutes.

- I gotta go.

- Honey!

- Honey, I got to go, I got...

- Honey!

- Janice!

- Yeah.

I'm taking Gary in the back.

Look, we can do this the easy way

or we can do this the hard way.

And I get it, you're naked, you're vulnerable

but this is a safe place, you know.

No need to resort to cheap theatrics.

We're better than that, right? We're artists.

So, let's just keep it dignified.

(GURGLES)

Look, kid.

(WHISPERING) If you don't smile, your mom

doesn't buy any prints and I don't get paid.

So, suck it up.

All right, baby. You like it when I'm bossy?

(LAUGHS) Okay! Okay.

Work the feet. Show me those gums!

That's it, baby!

(LAUGHS)

Oh, Holly, these are amazing.

Well, I can give you 20 % off

on prints if you order today.

- (VOMITING)

- Oh!

- Oh, my God! I am so sorry.

- Okay! (LAUGHS)

That's okay. It happens.

You know the last guy

who threw up on me?

You know what I did? I married him.

You're so good with kids.

You should have one of your own.

Yeah. That's kind of the plan.

Well, don't wait too long.

You don't wanna miss your window.

Right.

Yeah! Let's get you cleaned up. Yeah.

GARY:
Ooh! What do you got?

WENDY:
Some wine, cheese and crackers,

your favorites.

GARY:
Oh, that's a real treat.

- (CORK POPS)

- So what's the movie anyway?

WENDY:
Dirty Dancing.

- Oh! All right! That's a good one. Yeah.

- Mmm-hmm.

(CLEARS THROAT)

What are you...

I would like to propose a toast.

Okay. But you haven't had a drink

in two years.

I just...

I think we should take a break from trying.

And just be us for a while.

All right. I'll drink to that. Sure.

(SIGHS) To us.

And if that doesn't work

we'll do three rounds of IVF.

And if that doesn't work,

we'll just adopt, which will be great,

because I have no fears,

genetic or otherwise.

To us.

To not snuffing out the flame.

- Okay.

- Okay.

What are you doing? Oh, my God!

Are you gonna go for it?

- Mmm-hmm.

- You're going for it. You did it.

You just... You crushed it.

You crushed a glass of wine.

Oh, my God, I'm wasted. (LAUGHS)

Yeah, I bet you are!

It's so good. Why have I wasted two years

not drinking this?

(HORN HONKS)

Oh, my God! The Big Pig is here.

- I didn't even get a tweet!

- MARCO:
All right, people.

It's swine time, let's go!

What do you want, bud?

Yeah, give me two carnitas tacos

and a jalapeno fritter.

Good man. You have your cardiologist

on speed dial, right?

Right? You do, right? Hey, girls.

How are you?

Best meal on wheels right here.

Tell that to my cheese and bacon panini.

Total foodgasm.

Bacon?

Have a good night.

Bacon.

You know what? I'm also gonna get

the Georgia Dog Special.

- Yo, chef. Where're you going?

- Two seconds.

I added to my order.

Do you think he heard it?

I can't do anything with gloves on.

ROSIE:
What can I get you guys?

All right, excellent choice.

Hey! What do you think you're doing?

There's a line if you want to order.

The only thing I'm ordering is for you

to stop serving bacon, okay? Pig's our turf.

(SCOFFS)

Oh, my God! Your turf?

- Yeah.

- Is this West Side Story?

Are we gonna rumble at midnight?

You know what, maybe I got

a whole gang of back-up dancers

- just ready to go, okay?

- Oh, wow!

You're the cheese truck, so stick to cheese.

- Can I order now?

- No! Just give me one second, please.

That's funny, 'cause I noticed that those

jalapeno fritters you guys are serving...

Are awesome, right? They're my invention.

I made them.

They have ricotta cheese in them.

Come on! That's like a little bit of cheese.

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