What to Expect When You're Expecting Page #3

- (SCREAMS)

- I did it! I did it!

- WENDY:
We did it! We're gonna have a baby!

- We made a baby!

Sh*t!

Rosie, hurry up!

I need my lucky bra for my interview.

- Ro!

- (TOILET FLUSHING)

Two seconds, that's all I wanted.

Whoa. What's her deal?

I thought she finally got laid.

I don't know.

HOLLY:
I love these hardwood floors!

This is it, baby. It's so perfect.

This is the one.

Are you insane?

We're not buying, we're just looking.

You want the house or the baby?

I want the house for the baby.

We can't afford it.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi.

Look, this is it.

This is the one we have to get.

We're just looking.

WENDY:
Stop worrying.

GARY:
Okay, okay.

It's just, he gives me a hard time

when I'm late, you know.

(RINGS DOORBELL)

Don't let him get into your head.

Yeah. Okay. You're right.

He can't ruin this. Not today.

No.

So, Dad.

Wendy and I have

a little announcement to make.

- We're pregnant!

- We're pregnant!

Oh, my God!

Isn't that great?

(ALL LAUGHING)

- So are we!

- What?

You're... What, are you... Are you kidding?

Yeah, hell's bells.

I guess it's congratulations to all of us.

Holy... I had no idea

that you guys were even trying.

- Uh-uh. We weren't!

- No.

Now, look, son,

there's no blanks in this pistol.

Boom!

You guys, you've been trying

for quite a while.

What two, three months?

Something like that?

Two years.

Not everything's a race, Dad.

- Gar.

- RAMSEY:
No.

- Yeah. Right?

- No. Not everything.

Only things where you can come in first.

- Okay.

- RAMSEY:
Oh, come on.

Gary, let's celebrate.

Let's go to Margaritaville.

- I don't wanna go to Margaritaville.

- Come on.

I don't wanna go to Margaritaville.

Oh, everybody wants to go to Margaritaville.

- I don't wanna go.

- Come on!

I'm gonna break out

the Don Julio "Blank-o."

"Blanco," Dad. "Blanco."

That's how you pronounce it.

And it's 11 :
00 a.m., kind of early for shots.

- It's 5:
00 somewhere.

- True.

- Don't be a p*ssy.

- You know what?

RAMSEY:
Margaritaville is

abierto for business.

Wendy, I just have to say, I am just

so happy to have a baby expert in the family.

- Oh...

- Are you feeling anything yet?

Joy.

- Yeah.

- Some exhaustion.

A little nausea. Some heartburn.

And my b*obs are killing me.

Plus, I have to pee every five minutes.

But it's just proof

that a miracle is happening inside of me.

So I'm so happy.

It is a miracle, isn't it?

I mean, I thought I'd have to

give up my Pilates, and my running

- and tennis and my strip-aerobics.

- Sure.

Oh, and kickboxing, just all my activities.

But it just turns out

I have all this extra energy.

- You know? You know?

- Oh, yeah.

Plus,

I'm like crazy-horny.

- Okay. Okay.

- I mean,

if I even get a whiff of Ramsey,

it's like I just have to pounce, you know?

And I gotta give this old boy credit.

He's still got that race car engine

that can go the distance.

- Hormones. What're you gonna do?

- Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know.

Maybe not talk about it at brunch?

WENDY:
Yep, that's what I'd do.

GARY:
That's what I'd do, too.

- (GRUNTING)

- We're on the same page on that one.

Honey, I know you can't have any

- so I'm gonna do one for you and the baby.

- The baby!

Sweet.

- Here's to the Coopers.

- Yeah, you know what, what the hell.

- WENDY:
Yeah.

- (COUGHS)

Well, that was delicious.

Honey, I didn't make any of it.

You know Ramsey don't want me cooking.

- Your mom and I...

- Not my mom.

We sure wish y'all could stay longer.

Yeah. That's the thing. It's such a bummer,

but the missus

and little Mini Cooper and I,

we have an appointment.

- Yes, at...

- Walmart.

- For paint.

- Yeah. And mulch.

Well, you know what they say.

Money isn't everything,

but sure keeps you connected to your kids.

- So how much you need?

- Dad, I don't need any money.

- I don't need any money.

- Come on. How much you need?

No, I don't need anything at all.

Thank you so much.

- Man pats.

- Man pats, that's great.

Come here, baby, give your mama a kiss.

- What?

- Okay...

- Baby.

- Okay.

My baby boy. I'm so proud of you.

You've grown up so fast.

Okay, Gary. Gar.

- What? Yeah.

- Okay.

- Awesome. This was so much...

- All right. We'll see y'all later.

Yeah, great, this was a thing, you know?

- Congratulations!

- Yeah, congrats.

RAMSEY:
Come back soon!

WENDY:
Don't ever kiss her again.

MARCO:
Well, um...

Okay. Are you sure you took the test right?

You pee on a stick. It's idiot-proof.

No, I know. It's just, you know, one time.

ROSIE:
Yeah.

So what do you want to do?

I don't know.

What do you want to do?

Look, I don't know.

I just found out, okay? You're the girl.

Don't you get to decide?

Great, great. So then it's all on me?

No. No, I didn't mean...

Sh*t. Should we get married?

"Sh*t. Should we get married?" Yeah.

No, it's just,

when you put it like that, that's...

Oh. I'm sorry, Rosie.

I'm just trying to do the right thing here.

- I didn't mean to...

- Then don't ask the wrong questions.

- Just forget that I said anything.

- No.

Just forget it 'cause I'll figure it out.

Whatever it is, it's not your problem.

- Rosie!

- It's fine.

I have to get back to the truck anyway.

HOLLY:
There he is!

Perfect. Okay, guys, look right here.

Big smile.

Aristotle! Good smile!

Okay, beautiful. You can pick up your prints

at the kiosk at the front.

KARA:
All right, everyone.

Aristotle needs his down time.

Okay, can we all wave bye-bye?

ALL:
Bye!

Thank you, nice friend.

So, how's Alex? Is he excited?

Yeah! Yeah! He's...

No. Actually, he's... I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe he's just not ready.

- They're never ready.

- Yeah.

Dude's group.

- What?

- Dude's group.

It's like Fight Club,

only there's no fighting,

everybody has babies,

they don't talk about what they do there.

I don't know what they do there

and I don't need to know.

All I know is that Craig started going

when I was pregnant with Henri

- and he's losing his sh*t.

- Yeah.

Now, he loves being a dad

and he never misses a Saturday.

You want Alex ready?

Send him to the dudes.

Your blood pressure is low

and you are in good health.

- And Dad's gonna keep you that way, right?

- Right.

- Look at these pamphlets.

- Thank you.

That's all we need to know.

Let's not go crazy with the research.

I love research. It soothes me.

Well then, you'll love the wall.

I'll see you both in a month.

Wow!

- Look at the wall!

- No, no, no, no.

I don't want to know about

everything that can go wrong.

Oh, my God! Look at this.

Okay, there's breast-feeding,

we have to know about this.

Cord-blood-banking,

this is very important these days.

You need to learn the Bradley Method.

And... What? Oh...

"Circumcision:
Yes or No?"

Of course. How is that even a question?

Actually, a lot of couples are choosing

not to circumcise these days.

- NURSE:
Interesting.

- Who said that?

The expert, honey.

So clearly, there's a question.

- That's why it says "Yes or No?"

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