What to Expect When You're Expecting Page #6

That's 20, people.

And I need a minute.

And don't think I won't be watching you.

Keep it moving.

"I'm Not Circumcising My Baby."

Well done. Well done. Front page.

Okay, look, I was gonna tell you.

I did not say this to them.

They overheard our private conversation.

I would never talk to them about us.

Why is this such a big deal to you?

Because I don't think that it's right.

And I'm his mother.

And I'm his father.

Parenthood is about compromise.

- Well, then compromise, Evan.

- I have.

I stay at your place.

We spend the holidays with your family.

Yeah, but I have sacrificed

my entire body for this.

So that means

you just get to win every argument?

No, that means that in every relationship...

What are you guys doing?

Come on! Pick it up!

In every relationship,

there's an alpha and a beta.

- And I'm the alpha.

- And I'm the alpha.

- No, I'm the alpha. No, I am!

- No, I'm the alpha. No, I am!

Jinx.

You know, I'm just gonna

stay at my place tonight.

Hey, Jules! If you're interested,

I never got snipped.

(INDISTINCT)

HUTCH:
Only one star

on the tango last week, Megan,

but the samba's still to come.

How do you feel?

I don't know.

I don't really care about the trophy.

I'm here for Evan.

Right, Papa-daddy?

Evan has promised

he's gonna knock me up next.

She's kidding, Jules.

No, I'm not, Jules.

We're gonna be sister-wives!

Evan's gonna drive us

to worship in his buggy.

Why don't you take a break. I have this.

Thanks.

Okay E-invite, draft 38.

Okay.

"Let's shower Wendy and Gary Cooper

with light and love

"to honor the arrival of their Mini Cooper."

That's cute.

And then I put a picture of a Mini Cooper

at the end.

Where did you get the picture?

I stole it from the Internet.

Oh, Wendy, shut your pregnant face.

You do not want to see this.

It's okay. She's my mother-in-law-ish.

Sh*t, hi!

Wendy, hi!

Skyler, hi!

Look at our bellies.

We are like twins!

Except I'm actually having twins.

You really love to remind me about that

every time. Hi.

I just came by to personally invite y'all

to our baby shower.

Wow, this is your shower invite.

Look, I know that Ramsey and Gary have not

always gotten along so well

but we are family. Okay?

And it would just mean the world to me

if y'all came.

Of course, Skyler. That's... You...

Wow!

What is it?

It's Mini Coopers.

Beep beep!

Beep beep! Beep beep...

(IMITATES CAR CRASH)

You know, because there's two of them

and there's two in here, and they're pink.

Yeah.

So, Skyler, seven months.

How are you feeling?

With the side effects, you know.

Because I know that

at this point in the pregnancy, acne and

bleeding gums, constipation,

it's all totally normal. Totally normal.

When my sister was pregnant,

she got herpes.

No, that's... She didn't get...

Not from being pregnant.

No, I feel so whole.

You know? And just feminine.

With all this life running through me.

I felt the exact same way

when I had my phantom pregnancy.

Don't pay attention to her.

But, yeah, I mean, I just... It's beautiful.

But what am I saying?

You know exactly what this is like.

Totally.

Well, I just came

to drop off that little invitation.

And I'm gonna go to my pregger 'lates.

Sounds pregger-ific. (CHUCKLES)

- All right, one more time.

- Bring it in.

Okay. I'll see y'all there?

- Yes, I will tell Gary.

- Okay. Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Hey, Wendy,

do you mind if I take one of these?

- What's that?

- Holly Castillo Photography.

Ramsey's been on me about getting

one of these pregnancy portraits done, so...

Well, Holly's the best,

so she'll make you look amazing-er.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye!

WENDY:
I mean, look at her. No cellulite.

Not even in daylight.

She's wearing six-inch heels.

God, she's like

a magical pregnancy unicorn.

Gary is gonna sh*t a sideways brick

when he sees this.

Hey, come on! We started Mini Cooper.

That's our thing.

We own it, right?

TV ANNOUNCER:
All right! Thank you.

Hey, a little heads up, America.

- Do we have to watch this?

- Yes.

While we send these four home to train

on their own before our live finale

some of our previous seasons' contestants

are going to get a little surprise.

That's right. I'm gonna be dropping in

on some of you guys

to see how you're keeping the weight off.

You've been warned.

(WATER RUNNING)

EVAN:
They can't get someone else

to fly around and do these interviews?

I don't like you traveling this late.

Nobody's asking you to stop doing yourjob.

Besides, these are my contestants, Evan.

I was there when they lost the weight

and I want to be there for them now.

You're pushing yourself too hard, Jules.

Especially at your age.

Wow! Thanks. That's super-supportive.

I appreciate that.

What, I'm not even

supposed to mention reality?

I am healthy. I have a low blood pressure.

Not that you're helping me any.

Look, I just think someone should

go with you and little Jackson there.

Well, you know what, I have my crew,

and you are welcome to leave your show

and come along.

And we are not naming him Jackson.

You liked it last week.

Obviously you caught me

in a moment of weakness.

Honestly, God, seriously, I sometimes think

that it would just be so much easier

if I could do this on my own.

Really? You think that?

Come on.

Evan, we danced on a show

for three months together

and suddenly we're supposed to

agree on everything?

Fine. Why don't you make every decision

about our child's entire life

and just send me an email

when you've got it figured out.

Why do you do that, Jules?

ALEX:
I know you've been

busting ass with work

and getting everything ready for the baby.

- I just wanted to...

- Alex, about work.

- There's something that came up...

- No, no!

No shop talk tonight, all right?

I just want to remind you

that even though we're gonna be parents,

we can still kick it old school. All right?

Alex and Holly style.

ALL:
Surprise!

Happy Baby Shower, b*tches!

(ALL LAUGH)

(GUESTS WHOOPING)

(SINGING) Might as well face it

You're addicted to love

Listen to that. Someone call the cops.

They're murdering a song.

- I know, it hurts.

- Literally.

I love it when you call me Big Poppa

Throw your hands in the air

If you're a true player

I love it when you call me Big Poppa

- We should have another baby.

- Oh, yeah!

Come on, you gonna sweat that

weave out tonight.

We got our twins.

Let's go for triplets, all right?

No, no, no, that's baby juice!

(ALL CHEERING)

To us.

To actually getting Rosie out of the house!

In something other than

stained pajama pants.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I'll be right back.

Don't you want a baby?

Don't you want one, ohhh!

(ALL WHOOPING)

(CELL PHONE BEEPING)

Oh, wow. It's 9:
30, guys. It's 9:30.

We've got to go. Yeah, we got to go.

- What?

- Come on!

- We've got to go. It's 9:30.

- Come on, one more song.

- Put your drink down! We're going.

- HOLLY:
Not tonight!

I'm gonna wait around front!

Vic, don't go! Where are you going?

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