Where's the Money Page #2

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was this is great.

- This is amazing.

- Yeah, it is.

I'm gonna put it

right back in this box.

You know what?

Come here.

Come on. Come on.

Sit on daddy's lap.

- You said what?

- On my lap, nigga.

- Sit down on my lap?

- On your lap?

Yeah, get your ass

over here. Sit down.

Right here.

Sit right here.

I ain't gonna bite you, boy.

I'm your daddy.

- Okay.

- But the tickle monster might.

- See, this is what

I'm talking about.

You remember that. I used to

tickle you when you was little.

Don't act like ain't

nobody tickled you.

When I was a kid!

I'm an adult now!

All right, I got a little out

of hand with the tickling.

But I'm trying to make up for 17

years that I missed in your life.

Now, listen, you know me

and your uncle Leon-

come on-

me and your uncle Leon,

we in here

for bank robbery.

- Okay?

- Mm-hmm.

What you might not know

is that the police

didn't find the money.

I was planning on giving

that money to you and your mama

when I got out,

but your crazy-ass uncle Leon

done f***ed around and got out

a couple nights ago,

so you gotta get out

and get that cash.

Wait.

How much money?

A million dollars.

And it's in this flop house

in the basement.

The money's in the wall.

Ooh-whee! Ooh!

No.

You just walked in here

and act like you didn't know

that I was your daddy,

now you gonna come with that,

"ooh-whee!" Fake sh*t!

Y- you-

and all that sh*t!

I'm sorry, I apologize.

Now the only way

you gonna get that money

is you gonna do

what I tell you to do.

- And you know that that is?

- What's that?

Let me read you

a bedtime story.

- Come on, dad-

- you gonna- shut the f*** up

and let your daddy read you

a bedtime story, nigga.

This is a book here

is called

the long red train.

Okay, "there is a new cookbook

in the cafeteria.

Good morning,

little children students.

We have

a brand-new cookbook. "

- Can you read it without-

- shut the f*** up.

I'm gonna read it how

the f*** I wanna read it.

- I'm your daddy.

- Okay.

"I hope you like

the gourmet feast

that I made. "

We get to the flop house,

we go to the basement,

we get the money, our lives

are set, yo, I'm telling you!

- We gonna be rich, man!

- No, I'm gonna be rich.

Ya'll get 5% each, depending

on how much work you put in.

What the hell?

What has happened to the ghetto?

Chipotle got a valet?

Come on,

it's the next street up.

But how does chipotle

got a valet?

They done put a coffee bean

where they shot your man.

Sh*t! They turned the flop house

into a frat house.

What are we gonna do?

We get a drill, huh?

The same drills that

they dig the subways with.

We dig straight to the

basement El chapo style.

Right?

Then we grab the loot.

That's the plot

from ocean's 13.

You right, scratch that. I

say we go in with 17 monkeys.

- And a horse.

- That's planet of the apes, man.

- So you seen it.

- You got problems.

Like, I worry about you

sometimes, juice.

Okay, all right,

all right, del!

We get crank and dede.

That's Friday.

I had a feeling

you'd be up here.

- Hey.

- What, you're not gonna hit me, right?

Mmm...

So what are you doing

in my thinking spot?

Thinking.

What do you come up here

think about?

Honestly, thinking about

what I'd do with the money.

Hmm. Let me do

your shopping list for you.

- One, sneakers, two, weed.

- Ohh...

That's two things.

That's it.

You really think

that's what I would do?

Give me a reason not to.

Okay, listen, honestly,

I'm not doing this

for myself, okay?

I'm doing it for my mom.

This place is like her life.

If I don't do something big,

then she could lose it all.

If you care so much about her,

why don't you ever do

the little things she asks?

The rats?

The showers?

That ac unit she's been on

your ass about every single day?

If I get that money soon,

none of that even matters.

I can make this place

really special.

And if I got some money

left over, yeah,

I'm gonna budget in

some kicks and weed.

You thought

i was gonna leave that out?

- No, I didn't.

- Okay, good.

'Cause I got some right here.

You wanna smoke it?

- What is that?

- It's some weed.

It's a little, bitty weed.

You can barely see it.

Look.

What is wrong with you?

So what'd you come out here

to think about?

I'm trying to figure out

how we're going get into

that damn frat house

in the first place.

Don't worry.

I got a couple ideas.

Oh, no.

Hello, sir, deputy fire Marshall

frank mckasky.

Do you have the ds-367

certification

on your fire-inspection

certificate?

You need a certification

on your certificate?

Move out of my way.

Do you know

how flammable these are?!

I smell smoke.

I see what's going on here.

Took the batteries

out the smoke detector,

let the place burn down,

collect the insurance money.

Not on my watch.

Not on my watch!

- Yo, agh!

- Not on my watch!

Are you kidding me?!

Anybody here read the news?

Hmm? Of course not.

I'm surprised the lithium

battery on this thing

hasn't exploded yet.

This place is

a lot worse than I thought.

Somebody needs to take me

down to the basement right now!

Yo, what the hell

is going on?

Fire inspection.

I need you to take me down

to the basement right now,

check the foundation.

Yo, we had a fire inspection

a week ago, dog.

And you're lucky we didn't

shut you down then...

Dog.

If you're a fire inspector,

why does your little badge

say "guardia de seguridad"?

Budget cuts, motherf***er.

You know what?

I'm gonna go ahead and get

the f*** up out of here.

I'm confiscating this.

You, the fraternity letters,

that says "kox. "

You might wanna change that.

We just letting anyone

in the house now, huh?

That's my fault, man.

Think he took

your hoverboard.

F***.

I got it.

We rush the frat, bam.

Yep, that's what

I'm talking 'bout.

We get strapped, we get mean,

and we rush that motherf***er!

Excuse my friend,

ya'll, I'm sorry.

He's on drugs.

No, no, no,

i mean rush the frat.

It's rush week.

I'm gonna get in

by joining the fraternity.

That's what I'm talking about.

Keep it simple.

You're not a student.

- Juice.

- On it.

Got a guy that's gonna make

a fake ID

in a perfect name to fit

in the fraternity scene.

- Mm-hmm.

- Bam.

But all those bros

have already seen your face.

You think they're not gonna

call you out on that?

What's so funny?

- She don't know!

- She don't know.

- She's light-skinned.

- She don't know!

- What? What?

- Alicia, Alicia.

You know so little

about white people.

- So little.

- They are terrified of being called racist.

If a white guy sees

a brother they seen before,

they're not gonna be like,

"oh, my god!

Antoine? I-is that you?"

Because they don't want to look

like some good ol' boy

that thinks all brothers

look the same.

But how are you so sure they

want you in the first place?

See, these days,

they need at least one token.

- One.

- You think you're gonna be

the only minority

trying to get in?

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