Where's the Money Page #4

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- I don't want to.

Is this what they

do in the club?

Let me see what you got.

Oh, yes! Look at you.

Now for my closer,

this is what I do.

One, two, three, four,

spin and grab.

Hey!

- Let's go!

- I just wanna check.

'Cause there's almost

certainly a pit bull.

Who the hell is that?

I got a pretty good idea.

Wait here and don't get seen.

I will be right back.

- That's not a house.

- I don't think any of these are houses.

I just wanna kidnap somebody!

Hey.

Can I help you gentlemen?

Hey, Chet, how are you?

What's up, man?

You live here?

I volunteer here.

Why you guys wearing klan robes?

No, no, no.

No, see, our hoods are rounder.

They're not pointy.

- This is eggshell.

- It's a different shade of white.

- Totally different.

- Totally different.

And besides, you know,

our fraternity

actually pre-dates the klan

by over a decade,

so the real question is

why are they wearing our robes?

You know?

Why are they wearing our robes?

Yeah,

y'all wearing klan robes.

Okay, well,

agree to disagree.

And, shifting gears,

congratulations!

We're here because

kappa Alpha chi

is officially

giving you a bid.

We're here to kidnap you

for initiation.

But, first,

quick order of business here.

The university requires us

to get your signature

on this consent form,

basically just says

that you're

comfortable with us

physically abducting you

for the initiation.

- Sign there.

- Okay, cool.

And then initial here

for the robe.

- Mm-hmm.

- Great, thank you.

And then down here

for the simulated

kidnapping language.

- Sure.

- Which will be harsh.

- There we go.

- Perfect.

- Let's do this!

- Put this on.

Whoa, o-

- you gotta-

- where's that-

- the head is right there.

- Give me your arm.

- Here we go!

- All right!

Looks good on you!

Red dress!

Okay, yeah,

put the hood up here.

Yeah! Boom!

We should probably, uh,

carry you to the car,

if you're comfortable with

that, uh, we'll just lift you up.

Yeah, sure, let's do it.

Support the back!

Support the back!

Oh, you know what?

We had a bit

of a thing out front.

Is there a back entrance,

by any chance?

- Yeah, right back there.

- Perfect, great, thanks.

Let's go, motherf***er!

We'll f***ing gut you! Whoo!

See?

It's just language.

Well, well, well.

Sorry, sorry.

Here you go.

There's my wallet.

Take that sh*t off.

I got this.

Hey, we all cool, man.

We ain't trying to cause

no ruckus, you feel me, dawgs?

I ain't feelin' sh*t, dawg.

The f*** are you?

I'm Barack.

Barack.

- Like Barack Obama?

- Exactly.

Except my man spells it

a little differently.

Spells it differently how?

B- r-o-c-k.

That ain't no damn Barack.

That's Brock!

The whitest f***in' name

in the universe!

Grand dragon here

got a hearing problem?

Is that f***ing pillow case

worth your life, nigga?

Just take it off?

Slide it off?

- Yeah, we should-

- yeah.

Del.

- Del?

- It's a neighborhood nickname.

Buttersworth del barrio.

They call me del for short.

What's up, trap, redbone,

Willis, what's popping?

- What the hell is you doin', man?

- It's not what it looks like.

Looks like you've

got yourself caught up

in some racist

fraternity bullshit.

Oh, okay, well, then,

it's exactly what it looks like.

But let's just chill

with the burners and stuff, man.

No need to get mad.

Just trying to do a little thing

with my white friends here.

Don't take offense to it.

The closest they ever been

to a black man

- is retweeting kanye, so...

- That's us.

Del.

Okay, Eddie.

How can I say no

to dre's son?

All right.

But you boys best

be on your way

before you run

into somebody a little-

less understanding than me.

Yeah, okay, it was super

nice meeting you, guys.

Yeah, and sorry for assuming

about the wallets, no offense.

Oh, no, we're still gonna

need those wallets.

Listen up, scumbags!

We about to see

who has what it takes

to become

a kappa Alpha chi brother.

Whatever you think

is about to happen,

I promise you,

it's worse.

As your pledge master,

I'm-

eyes down! No eye contact!

Look at me! Look at him!

Look at me! Look down!

Never look at me.

You're not on my level.

I'm gonna make sure

you weak fledglings

are run through

that gauntlet...

So you're properly

prepared...

For a lifelong brotherhood

built on booze...

That p*ssy...

And general

kick-assedness!

- First thing you slaves are

gonna do is- - trigger warning.

Sidebar.

Man, what the f***, I was-

I'm not sure we should call

the pledges slaves this year.

But we always

call them slaves.

I know, but...

Don't you think this year

feels little different?

You guys talking

about the slave thing?

Yeah, I've always felt a teensy

bit uncomfortable about that.

Yo, the word "slave"

doesn't necessarily

have to refer to, like,

civil war-era black slaves.

In fact, it's actually derived

from the white slavic people

who were taken as slaves

in the ninth century.

But that doesn't change the fact

that in this day and age,

the word "slave"

is a racially charged term

that harkens back

to a truly disgraceful period

in this nation's history.

True, but isn't it more racist

to change our traditions

simply 'cause we got

a black pledge?

I am so glad we're finally

having this discussion.

Let me talk to him.

- I-I'll talk to him.

- You go talk to him.

- Hey, man, how's it going?

- So far, so good, thank you.

Listen, just wanted

to check in with you.

Some of the guys

seem to pretty set on

referring to the pledges

as slaves.

And I just sort of wanted to get

your take on that as a, um-

well, I just wanted

to get your take.

Keeping in mind

that when we use the term,

we in no way mean,

you know, 19th century,

cotton-picking slaves.

Just sort of a fake term

of subservience.

Yeah, listen, i understand

that I'm a pledge,

and there's certain things

that come along with that,

but there's gonna be

a problem

if you guys

are calling me slave.

Say no more.

Nope.

Okay, then!

First thing you pledges

are gonna do is...

Get down on your hands

and knees...

And clean the house

with toothbrushes.

Amazing,

this whole time,

I'm thinking it's

gonna be a lot worse.

Like shaving

each other's balls,

or like you guys

branding us with irons,

or making us jerk off

with hot sauce.

But cleaning the house

with a toothbrush?

I'll do that no problem.

No problem, huh?

All right.

This your toothbrush.

- Okay.

- What do you think's gonna happen?

Oh, hey, little Princess.

Wanna see the cave of treasures?

Oh...

Oh, there she go!

Oh, he's down there!

Oh!

- That tickles a little.

- What is wrong with you?

Oh, it's got the tongue scraper.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- That's yours now.

- Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh!

Yeah, let's comb your mustache.

Come on now.

You're gonna clean with it,

pledge!

I'm not gonna cl-

You smell that?

Smell your own sh*t.

Guys, any of y'all want me

to clean the house with this?

- No.

- Absolutely not.

Pledge buttersworth.

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