Where's the Money Page #5

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Yo, buttersworth.

Oh. Yo, what's up, Brock?

What's up, man!

Come with me.

I got a special assignment

for you.

Okay, after you.

Okay.

Now, most times, this

area is for brothers only.

It's off-limits to lowly

pledges such as yourself

without a proper escort.

Ugh, what is that smell?

That smell could be

a number of things.

Could be beer or p*ssy,

ball sweat, rat sh*t.

Or could be the Chad snyder

memorial hot tub.

Mm, take it in.

Definitely that.

What is- what is that?

Brother snyder was one

of the best of us,

house president,

majoring

in international relations,

2.8 grade point average,

captain of the swim team.

- He died in this thing?

- Yeah, he drowned, mm-hmm.

As the legend goes,

brother snyder

was found in a fetid pool

of hot tub water,

jell-o shots,

and a lot of vomit.

Oh, s-smells like you haven't

changed the water since.

Of course we haven't.

That would disgrace

our fallen brother.

- Of course.

- Look, buttersworth,

I tried to give you

a dirty toothbrush before,

and I'm sorry about that,

okay, that was not cool of me.

- It wasn't.

- So I got you a fresh one.

My man.

Uh-oh!

I'm so clumsy.

But go ahead and get that

for me, playa.

Whoo!

You- you're evil.

Oh, sh*t, come on,

buttersworth!

Oh, sh*t.

Oh- oh!

Son of a b*tch.

F***, buttersworth!

Settle down, man!

Just get the toothbrush

and clean it!

Dig deep!

Son of a b*tch!

I hate my life.

You want me to start-

start from the bottom?

Just start cleaning.

You was so close

to the money!

Yo, he didn't leave.

He was watching the whole time.

So what else they have you do?

Did you have to do

the elephant walk?

What's the elephant walk?

When you put one thumb

in the guy's a**hole

in front of you and then

the other thumb in your mouth,

and when they yell "switch!,"

you switch.

So basically,

you eat an ass-icle.

It's an urban legend.

Man, I ain't eating no ass-icle.

I'm done with this, I'm out.

You can't put up with it

a little longer?

- It's a lot of money.

- And if my vote count for anything,

I say we stay

on this particular project.

We? Juice, ain't no we, bro.

It's been me!

Me in the frat house,

me digging through some puke

and what, you saying

the elephant walk next?

I ain't doing that, bro.

We make one wrong move,

they call the cops.

Who go to jail, you, Alicia?

No, it's me.

Me in the cell next to my dad,

family reunion in folsom.

I ain't no criminal

like my father.

I've been doing this.

Ain't no progress.

Let's face it, man, we not

getting nothing out that house.

Did I just hear

the son of Andre goodlow

decide to give up?

Oh, sh*t.

Uncle Leon.

I know that's not how

my brother raised you.

I'm pretty sure you're

not supposed to be out of jail

for at least one,

two hundred years.

I decided it was time

to make some lifestyle changes.

You broke out of prison?

Leon goodlow?

Am I seeing a ghost, or is

that just wishful thinking?

Is that my best girl,

Roberta?

I ain't a girl,

and I ain't yours.

What the f***

are you doing here, Leon?

Maybe I'm here

to finally charm your ass

into doing what we should've

done a long time ago.

I'll remind you that I'm a

good, Christian, married woman.

Not like dre's turning down

dick in prison.

- Why should you?

- What?

I'm gonna give you a moment

to think long and hard

You don't want me to call

the police on your fugitive ass.

- Oh, you would do that?

- Oh, I would.

What you gonna tell them

about what your boy's got into?

- Whatcha you been up to, del?

- Nothing!

You just believe him

just like that?

- Gimme a reason not to.

- He's a liar?

- He's a felon?

- Yeah.

You know what, ma, you

got so much on your plate.

I'm gonna handle this since

I'm the man of the house now-

- since when?

- I'm- I'm really-

- juice, shut up.

- Ma, I'm sorry.

Just please, please, I'm

begging, let me handle this.

All right,

I'll let you handle it.

- Okay.

- But if I find out

you been up doing anything

to bring shame on my household,

del, you will no longer be

a part of that household.

You got me?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Out on your ass.

- Can- can i-

- shut your mouth, juice.

Leon.

Roberta.

So, y'all get my money yet?

- Money?

- What?

- Money?

- What is he talking about?

- I know I'm broke.

- I got, um-

- i got chapstick.

- You could use some.

The bottom lip

a little ashy.

Yeah, okay, okay,

i get it.

See, you hang

with stupid,

so you assume

everybody's stupid.

But not me.

See, after

i attained my freedom,

I drove by the old place

where me and your father

stashed our money,

and guess what?

They turned that sh*t

into motherfucking fraternity!

- Really?

- Yeah!

- Wow.

- Now that was a surprise.

- But you know what was a shock?

- What's that?

When I saw

my ghetto-ass nephew

walking out of that fraternity

like he f***ing belonged there!

Uh, me?

Oh, y- oh, yeah!

It slipped my mind,

i had went back to go to school

and the guys was cool,

but there's money

in the basement?

I didn't know

there was money there.

Okay, let me

get this straight.

Okay?

Just to make it clear.

You got all studied up

on your sats and sh*t.

Yeah, I did get

an 800 on my sats.

It's out of 1,600,

motherf***er.

I'm gonna take

the second half later.

Then magically,

you came up with the money

to attend one of the most

expensive-ass schools

in the country,

and then on a whim

joined a fraternity

that just so happened

to be at the same address

as the place

where we stashed our

money after the bank job?!

Is that right?!

You know what?

This the problem.

This exactly why

young black men can't achieve

greatness in this country,

because of the doubters.

- Preach.

- The haters.

This is the first goodlow

to go to college.

You can't you be happy for

your nephew for just one minute?

Okay, but you gotta admit.

That's a crazy coincidence,

ain't it?

- Little bit.

- Yeah, it's crazy.

- It's crazy.

- It's crazy.

Where's my money, del?!

Sh*t, okay, okay,

uncle Leon, just chill.

If you gonna blast me,

then blast me,

but that don't change the fact

that I don't got the money.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Oh, okay. Okay.

This your girlfriend?

Nope.

I mean...

She do be liking

my pictures on instagram

late at night, so...

You ever seen somebody

get they face blown apart, del?

I have.

Now ask yourself,

do you want this

to be the last memory

of this girl right here?

'Cause that sh*t that

sticks with you, believe.

All right, look, I've-

I've been trying

to get the money.

But it hasn't been easy.

I'm pledging the house.

But these guys, they're intense,

you know what I'm saying?

They never go to sleep,

but I'm real close.

Just gimme a few more days,

and I'll have your money.

I just need more time,

all right?

All right, I'll give you

two days to do your thing.

Two days and two nights

or just a flat-

If you don't get it, I'm gonna

go in there my damn self.

Maybe your way,

those kappa gamma b*tches

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