White Men Can't Jump
- R
- Year:
- 1992
- 115 min
- 3,353 Views
You keep asking me
what I am.
Don't you know
I'm Presbyterian?
Presbyterian?
That's the worst thing
a jazz singer can be.
Presbyterians are called
God's frozen people.
Wouldn't swing
if you hung them.
Just a closer
walk with Thee
De de de
boom boom
Grant it, Jesus
if you please
Boom de boom
boom boom
Daily walkin'
close with Thee
Let it be, dear Lord
Let it be
I am weak
but Thou art strong
Jesus, keep us
from all wrong
I'll be satisfied
as long
As I walk
Let me walk
close to Thee
Just a closer
walk with Thee
Say, grant it
Jesus, if you please
Daily walkin'
close with Thee
Let it be
dear Lord
Let it be
Say, I am weak
but Thou art strong
Jesus, keep us
from all wrong
I'll be satisfied
as long
As I walk, dear Lord
close to Thee
Boo boo doo
boo doo doo
...A closer walk
with Thee
Buh do doobie
Grant it, Jesus,
if you please
Doobie
Buh doobie do
Daily walkin'
close with Thee
Let it be
Dear Lord
Doobie doobie
doobie doobie
Let it be
Ba doo la
do da da
Boo doo doo
doo dee aaah
Ha ha!
Whoo!
Oh, yeah!
Hey, guys, is this
You haven't put anything
in the offering plate.
Oh! Sorry, man.
50 be all right?
I'm just kidding.
Here you go.
I told you
he's generous.
Is this where
Eddie "The King" Faroo
and Duck Johnson played?
King and Duck
were the best.
That's 'cause
you never saw me.
Keep singing, guys.
My old man
was a preacher.
I love this sh*t.
He put a dollar in.
We give him
a dollar's worth.
Oooh, ooh, ooh
Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
All right!
Don't worry
about it.
Pass it to
the little man.
Let the little man
get the ball.
Take it
to the hole, man!
Let's go!
Get... get... get up!
Look at that.
It's all right.
Walter, throw that
big fat butt at me.
I'm getting tired
of making you look bad.
It's hard work.
I'm fittin'
to dog you, punk.
I'm fitting
to dog you.
Let me shut him up.
Give me the ball!
If you shoot it,
I'll knock it out
the f***ing sky.
Can't take it
to the hole
because you ain't
good enough.
You think so?
Get some of this.
Ball!
You can't
even dribble!
Bring it! Bring it!
Get that sh*t
out of here!
Ooh! Ooh!
Oh! Unh!
That sh*t went out
like a Scud missile!
Oh, it hurts!
It hurts so bad!
Hey, babies, I don't
mean to brag,
but I'm
the greatest!
I am the greatest!
You all right, man?
Yeah.
Well,
get your butt up.
Take your Colt-45
drinkin' ass off someplace.
Aahh!
Yes, Walter!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Hard goddamn work,
making you look so bad.
Man, you fouled me!
Foul?
Just take the ball out
and shut up.
What's the count?
9-8, us.
Get the f***
out of here!
Junior,
if you could count,
you'd be
a f***ing astronaut.
George, your mother's
an astronaut.
He talked about
your mama, man.
He playing you
for a punk.
I wouldn't
take it, man.
My mother
ain't no astronaut.
Say it! Say it!
Your mother
ain't no astronaut,
your father
ain't no astronaut.
Well, my mama
ain't no astronaut.
Jump his ass, man.
Me saying that
your mother's an astronaut
is just another
way of saying
that you're
all f***ed-up.
Well, let's just
get off mamas,
'cause I just
got off yours.
Ow!
Keep my mama out
of this, brother.
She's out.
Cool.
She's out.
Cool!
She's out.
What time you want me
to bring the b*tch back?
Yo! What's the score?
9-8, us.
We can't lose to you!
If we lose to you,
I'm gonna kill myself.
F*** you,
skinny boy!
F*** this,
you potato-sandwich-eatin' motherf***er!
F*** this!
Shut up!
You're giving me
Excedrin number f***in' trillion headache!
Hey, man,
what's the score?
Chump!
I'm talking to you.
What, you deaf?
I'm talking to
the f***ing air.
My name ain't chump.
It's Billy Hoyle.
Billy Hoyle?
Billy Hoyle.
OK, Billy,
can you count
to 10, Billy?
Yeah.
Good.
What's the
score, Billy?
I don't know.
Then you're a chump.
I may be a chump,
but it's not my name.
He put your ass in!
F*** you.
Let's go!
8-8, your ball.
9-8, your ball.
I don't want
no excuses.
I called it even.
You better
call a doctor!
It's your ball!
Sidney!
Your woman
calling you, man.
Sidney!
Your woman
calling you, man.
At least
I got one.
I seen your mother
kicking a can down the street.
I said, "What you doin'?"
She said, "Movin'."
Your mama's so old,
she drove chariots
to school.
Your mama's so fat,
she broke her leg
and gravy poured out.
Hey, baby.
Hi, honey.
The check for the groceries
didn't clear,
and I didn't
have any cash.
Sorry.
20 will do?
Mm-hmm, but 30
would be better.
You hustling me?
You're the only one
that gets away with that.
I got things
working over here.
Yo, man,
I got to go.
Daddy's got to go
back to work, man.
Bye.
I told your mama
to act her age,
and the b*tch
dropped dead.
with gray sideburns.
Save your breath, man.
You need all the energy
you can get.
Let's go.
I can't run, man.
What?
My bunions hurt.
Get somebody
to step in for me.
That's all right.
You're still my hero.
That's it, baby.
Can anybody stand in
for Mr. Handicap here,
for Mr. Motherfucking
March of Dimes?
Hey, look.
Take Billy Ho here.
No, man.
I don't want him.
He might be good.
I don't want
to go with it. No.
Why not?
'Cause I'm white.
No difference.
You could bring
Bernard King in.
We hittin' two,
and we out.
Swish! Swish!
Let's go, Billy Ho!
Ha ha ha!
Let's go!
Ain't no need
for none of that
Jane Fonda
geriatric bullshit.
Just act like you
can play.
Two quick ones,
bam, bam...
it's over.
See ya!
Wouldn't want to be ya!
You got
a new teammate.
Kiss your game
goodbye!
Maybe I should do
that sh*t, too.
You loose?
Come on
out here, baby.
I got it!
Get out of here!
Billy, I'm gonna
tell you what...
Where you at, Billy?
I'm gonna tell you
which way I'm going.
Aahh!
Where are you
going with that?
I got you.
I'm right here.
This is my court!
Oh!
Yo! Look out!
Look out!
- Whoo!
- Yay, Billy!
Yes, baby!
Luck.
Pure luck.
I believe the score
is 9-8, ours.
Take it out.
Ball in.
OK, chump.
The sun even shines
on a dog's ass some days.
Anybody can win the lottery.
Know what I'm saying?
Give it up.
Give it up.
You want it back now?
Whoa!
Yeah, get out
of the way, sucker!
Right on, man!
It's over now, baby.
F*** you.
Your mother's an astronaut.
My mother's too drunk
to be an astronaut.
You remind me of one of them dudes
from The Brady Bunch.
He looks like
the girl... Cindy.
Yeah!
That's the one!
The youngest one
in curls.
Why you
laughing, man?
Callin' me Brady Bunch
and sh*t!
This motherf***er's
too stupid
to even realize
he's being insulted.
Sidney, get off the court.
You lost, brother.
passes out your ass,
but that don't mean
you know how to play this game.
Oh, hey,
you're right, Sidney.
I mean, you ain't
seen me shoot.
What's it worth
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"White Men Can't Jump" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 18 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/white_men_can't_jump_23393>.
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