White Men Can't Jump Page #6

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glorious life together,

I bought a car from the Stuccis

for 3 grand.

It was sh*t.

I didn't want to pay.

They told Billy unless he got

their money back,

they would cut me up.

He had to

get the money back.

The Stuccis decided

to fix a basketball game.

Billy agreed,

but halfway through,

he got pissed off

and didn't throw it.

The Stuccis

lost a bundle.

Wake up, girlfriend.

It's your boyfriend.

He's got some problems.

He's just bad with money.

The Stuccis are

still after us.

It's a sad story.

I'm sorry.

But I'm not giving

you the money.

I might, however,

be willing to discuss

other arrangements.

Hey, there's Cadee.

That ain't Cadee.

Oh, that's Eddie.

All right, listen up.

We have a solution.

Tell them to move.

They're black women.

You think I'm crazy?

Here's the scenario.

Rhonda's going to give me

some of the money back.

We figured out a way

to get the rest.

You guys need to

kiss, make up,

and play

in that tournament.

Hell, no.

I ain't playing with

that son of a b*tch.

I don't hustle with people

who are dishonest.

That's something

I cannot do.

That's not fair.

Farrakhan disciple

son of a b*tch.

No, I ain't doing it.

The stars belong

to everyone

Everyone

They gleam there

for you and me

The flowers in spring

The robins that sing

The sunbeams that shine

They're yours,

they're mine...

Welcome to the first annual

Two-On-Two For Brotherhood

Basketball Tournament,

also known as the TTBBT,

sponsored by a coalition

of American corporations

in the spirit of promoting

brotherhood among us all.

That's bullshit.

And now,

let the games begin!

Hey, wait!

Oh, look at that.

Why can't you check somebody,

mushroom head?

You fat mustard

and butter sandwich.

What you

talking about?

We ain't got

to worry about them.

They spend too much time arguing

with each other about their mothers,

and both their mothers

are ugly.

All right,

all right.

Yeah, sack it.

Yeah, that's two...

One for you.

One for you.

Work-release program

or something.

Motherf***er

was just on parole, man.

These two we definitely

have to worry about.

This is Flight. That's Willie.

They can play.

They'll be

in the finals against us.

Oh!

Sh*t, that's

just too easy!

No, that sh*t

is too easy!

It's too easy!

No, that sh*t is too easy!

F*** it.

I don't want

to play no more.

We won't

play no more.

Hey, chump.

Yeah, you,

tater head.

You know

who I'm talking about.

If that's

your best game,

grab that free T-shirt

and head home.

What the hell

are you doing?

Did you bring

Mighty Mouse?

You're too pretty

to play basketball.

You got that big "Z"

in your fro, man.

Are you

the black Zorro?

That's enough.

You get your haircut

at the Braille institute?

What's Opie Taylor

talking about?

Opie Taylor?

I got your Opie,

you big, bad, Gomer Pyle,

droopy-eyed son of a b*tch.

Take your ass

back to Mayberry.

Tell Aunt Bee

to have my bean pies,

or I'll kick her ass.

Hey, Lurch and Morticia.

What the f***

are you doing?

I'm doing two things.

I'm making them mad.

They won't play good.

You're embarrassing me.

That's the other thing

I'm doing.

You're not

embarrassing me.

You're pissing me off.

Good. I assume you play better

when you're mad.

Am I right?

I'm not listening.

But you are hearing me.

You're hearing me.

You still

throwing up bricks?

What did I say?

You still

throwing up bricks?

What is this,

a mason's convention?

I need a welding torch

to play in this league.

Let's stop and gather

all these bricks.

Let's build

a homeless shelter

so maybe your mother

has a place to live.

F*** you!

F*** that f***er!

And your sister, too.

I want your mother and your sister

out of my house.

Black ball.

What the f*** you talking about,

black ball?

What are you, racist?

I'm talking about

your jersey.

Here you go, sir.

How you feeling today?

Didn't I school you

once before?

You going to

give us a game?

Give us something, man.

Don't let him pull that move on you,

Rastafari.

Don't let him

pull that move.

That's the move!

Oh! That's the move!

I tried to warn you.

You call that defense?

You gonna

give us a game?

Will we get

a little competition?

I got better things to do

with my Saturday.

There's this chicky babe

from the fabulous four

watching his

big old ugly ass.

Bring it on, bad boy!

Oh!

But he ain't got sh*t!

He ain't got sh*t!

He ain't got sh*t!

Ah! You suckers!

Bunch of suckers.

What a great

no-look pass.

The mustard

is off the hot dog.

My man ain't getting nothing

tonight.

Lurch, I looked up

basketball player

in the dictionary,

and it said "not you."

Be quiet!

Bring it on,

bad boy!

Excuse me.

I'm talking here.

Shut up.

Pretty boy,

I'll be D-ing up on you

if you make it

to the finals.

Hey, I got some

bean pie for you.

You ain't gonna see $5,000.

You may see 5,000 beans.

Do you ever shut up?

What the f***

are you worried about?

I'm in the f***ing zone.

It's one thing

to embarrass me.

It's another

motherfucking thing

to piss these guys off

that we have to play.

That's plain

f***ing stupid.

Listen to your teammate,

bucket head.

You've gone past stupid

into a new category.

It's called suicide, chump.

Call me chump.

OK, bad boy.

What the f***

is up with you?

What are you

worried about?

I'm in the zone.

They're pissed off.

I'm in the zone.

This isn't about

black and white.

This is about money,

you got that?

Look, man, I need

this 5 grand.

I won't let you

blow this for me.

You pissed off?

No, I ain't pissed off.

You pissed off at me?

You want to get me

in this f***ing zone.

You ain't good enough.

Is that another

brother thing,

you f***ing racist?

There's certain

things you can't do.

I can hear Jimi!

You can't hear Jimi.

F*** you!

Good, f*** me.

Say it with feeling.

F*** you!

F*** me! F*** me!

Check, a**hole.

Go, Lurch.

Check it, Casper.

You got sh*t for brains,

d*ckhead.

F*** you, f*ggot.

Let's go!

I got it

Watch magic

I got it, hey

I got something

that makes me OK

Stop them before

we lose our sponsors.

You start fighting,

neither of us will make money.

That bullshit

passing you doing.

Come on, man.

I hope this

doesn't get worse.

Now I got a move

that tells me what to do

Some kind of deal

Now I got a move

that tells me what to do

Sometimes I feel so nice

Why didn't you dunk it?

Give me

the f***ing ball, man.

Take the goddamn

ball out.

I'm in love

I love to do my thing

And I don't need

no one else

Brick!

You got the lane.

Take a shot.

Give me a better pass.

I have a better break.

It was a f***ing

great pass.

Tired of

piggybacking you.

You piggybacking me?

Yeah.

Wham! Come on!

Stuff it down

You ever been

to flight school?

I'm going to

the seventh floor

and dropping you off

at the fifth.

Stay on him!

Go Flight!

Go Flight!

Thank you, thank you.

Big f***ing deal.

Can you do it?

Huh?

Yeah! Yeah!

What it's all about

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