White Men Can't Jump Page #7

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He's setting

illegal picks!

Check them up.

Cut, man.

- In his ass.

- I got him.

I got the something

Damn!

Come on, man.

I got that thing

We need this.

Check him up.

I got soul

Goddamn, man.

$5,000 on the line.

You let this motherf***er

take the ball.

Opie pissing on you!

Oh, he's pissing

on me now?

Why don't you

guard somebody?

Game point, $5,000.

Stop showing off.

I've been saving your ass

the whole game.

Shut the f*** up, man.

Point game.

Mr. Deane

and Mr. Hoyle.

And all around

Right on, people

Let it all hang out

Cut! Cut!

Will you cut?

Call the cops.

I got him!

Don't you boys know

what it's all about?

Oh, sh*t!

Gimme, gimme

Gimme

Let's pay them

and get out.

Oh, yes!

Whoo!

Yes, baby!

Damn!

You're supposed

to help out!

Why you dish

that sh*t off?

I thought you

were going to dunk.

You're lucky we didn't

cough up $5,000

on your hot dog sh*t.

Why didn't

you dunk it?

Right in his face!

Shut the f*** up.

Yes, yes,

it's wonderful when the spirit

of competition

brings out the best

in all of us.

And now I'd like

to award the checks

to the second-place

prize winners,

the fine team

of Dwight "The Flight" McGee

and Willie Lewis,

receiving checks

for $1,000.

Yo, man, you said 1,500!

That's $2,000.

Oh, brotherhood, my ass!

You said 1,500!

Thank you, gentlemen.

I'll find you,

motherf***er!

Buy yourself

a dress!

And now,

ladies and gentlemen,

the grand prize

for the first-place winners,

the wonderful team

of Sidney Deane

and Billy Hoyle.

Hey, put it there.

I've never been able

to get that exactly right.

You ain't, either,

motherf***er.

And here is your check,

and here is your check.

"Sidney Deane"...

that look like me?

Now give them

their trophies.

You're welcome.

What about

the big trophy?

We keep the big trophy.

We won!

Give us the real trophy.

We keep that trophy,

and we put your name on it.

Thank you,

from the Coalition

of American Corporations

and the TTBBT.

Whoo!

She's going to

love my ass.

Damn!

You know something?

I can jam, man.

OK.

You keep telling everybody

I can't stuff it.

I say that to get

underneath your skin.

Just 'cause I don't

do it in a game

don't mean I can't.

OK, fine.

But you don't think

I can stuff it.

Billy, I don't care

if you can

or if you can't.

Stop the f***ing car.

What?

Stop the car.

Pull it over.

Turn that sh*t down.

What is that sh*t?

It's good music.

Don't call it sh*t.

I'll bet my half of the 5 grand

against your half

that I can stuff it.

Let me give you

some advice.

Buy your girl

a pretty dress

in case she gets on

that damn game show.

You're either stupid

or dangerous.

You can't be stupid

because stupid people know

they can't piss me off.

So you must

be dangerous.

To who?

To yourself.

I'm taking you home.

I don't jam in a game

because it's showboating

for the sake of showboating,

which you know about...

I look good playing.

Like a behind-the-back pass

that's unnecessary.

Passing? You have a hard-enough time

passing gas.

It goes back

to what I said.

A white man wants to win first,

look good second.

A black man wants to look good first,

win second.

That's the most ridiculous

philosophical bullshit

I've ever heard.

Look, right over here.

There's a goal.

Get your money,

let's go.

That's absolute garbage.

I'm tired

of your sh*t.

Just put your money

where your mouth is.

I just need three tries.

That's all you need?

All right.

One of us is definitely

not going home tonight.

Aah!

Man, you were

almost there.

I was with you.

Damn. Come on, baby.

You can do this.

Youse a sucker, man.

Is this sh*t regulation?

This sh*t ain't regulation.

Get the f*** out of here.

Regulation?

Move out the way.

I'll check it

for you.

Move.

Yeah, yeah.

Just about right.

Let's go, baby.

I believe in you.

I know what the problem is.

Come on.

Get out of

the f***ing way.

Yo, I'm trying to help.

It's a bet.

All right.

It's your money.

Go.

Ah! F*** me!

Mmm mmm mmm.

When I was looking

at it before,

I thought it was

a little high myself,

but after re-evaluating,

I think it was

an optical illusion, right?

I know the problem.

I can't let you

go out like that.

Get the f***

off me, man.

I'll pump you up.

It's a bet, man.

Stop f***ing around.

Billy.

Shut up, man.

Billy.

Shut up.

Billy, listen.

What?

White men can't jump.

Sh*t!

Good luck with Gloria.

If I lose, if I win

That sucker

is stupid.

I walk away with

both of the checks.

White boys can be

stupid sometimes.

This game is getting

very, very, very long

Way to go, Billy.

Some you miss,

and some you make

Some you give,

and some you take

I guess I get it wrong

If I lose,

if I tie

I am the truth,

and I'm a lie

And I can't hear

all the lyrics

To my song

Some you fix,

and some you break

Some you stand,

some you shake

I guess

I'll get it wrong

In a world of loving

Love exists

Please tell me

how or where

I would gladly

pay the price

If I knew

which way to go

Or if I ever despair

If I do leave,

I'll drown

And I'm crying,

and I'm alone

And my heart is waiting

Waiting for another goal

Some you beg,

and some you steal

Some you fake,

some you feel

Oh, yes, I'm getting it wrong

You called hours ago.

Sidney's already home.

F***ing pizza's

all cold,

and the wine is warm.

Present for you.

Oh, honey.

Oh, God.

What a shrew I am.

I'm sorry, honey.

Tell me about

the tournament.

There was some

decent players there.

Me and Sidney

played OK.

OK? You guys

must have been great.

Oh...

Oh, my,

this is beautiful.

Gloria?

Gloria.

Yes?

Um... this is beautiful.

Thank you.

Honey...

I... Iost the money.

What?

I... Iost the money.

You want to run that

by me one more time?

It, uh...

It...

It happened again.

It?

No! No, Billy!

What the f***

is it it it?

There is no it!

It is you!

You happened again!

Damn it, Billy!

The money was mine

to keep us going

till Jeopardy! Calls.

Honey, Jeopardy!

Ain't going to call.

When are you going

to f***ing wake up?

Jeopardy! Is

gonna call, Billy.

It's my destiny to triumph

magnificently on that show.

I'll never do that

wearing this stupid,

hootchy-mama-looking dress,

which was a poor excuse

to cover up the fact

that you f***ed up again!

I'm gonna win,

all right.

I'm gonna get on

that motherfucking show,

and I'm gonna win

because I'm overwhelmed

with more useless goddamn information

than any human being

on this f***ing planet!

Who's James K. Polk?

How many moons

are on Pluto?

What's a quince?

It's a food, Billy,

that starts with

the letter "Q."

And I got seven more!

I can't believe

you lost the goddamn money!

Honey, where you going?

Honey?

Honey. Honey.

Honey,

where you going?

You can't leave me.

What is a solar eclipse?

Who's Marcel Cerdan?

Where was

the hamburger invented?

What are you doing?

Honey,

you can't hitchhike.

This is L.A.

Go ahead!

Billy!

Go ahead.

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