Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Page #2

- No more sickening sight you drunk...

- You're a blank.

...and your skirt over your head.

- A cipher. A zero.

Your heads, I should say.

Party. Party.

Oh, I'm really looking forward to this,

Martha.

- Go answer the door.

- You answer it.

- Get to that door, you.

- To you.

Come on in!

I said get over there

and answer that door.

All right, love. Whatever love wants.

- Just don't start on the bit, that's all.

- The bit?

The bit? What kind of language is that?

Lmitating one of your students?

Just don't start in on the bit

about the kid, that's all.

- What do you take me for?

- Much too much.

Yeah? Well, I'll start in

on the kid if I want to.

- I'd advise against it, Martha.

- Well, good for you.

Come on in!

Get over there and open that door.

- You've been advised, Martha.

- Sure. Get over there.

All right, love. Whatever love wants.

It's nice,

some people still have manners...

...and don't come breaking into

other people's houses.

Even if they do hear some subhuman

monster yowling at them from inside.

Goddamn you!

Hi there.

- Hello. Here we are.

- Come on in.

- We made it.

- You must be our little guests.

Just ignore old sourpuss here.

Come on in, kids.

Just hand your coat and stuff

to old sourpuss here.

- Well, perhaps we shouldn't have come.

- Yes, yes, it is late and l...

Late? Are you kidding? Just throw your

stuff down anyplace and come on in.

Anywhere. Furniture, floor. Doesn't make

any difference around this place.

- I told you we shouldn't have come.

- I said, come on in. Now, come on.

- Oh, dear.

- Oh, dear.

Look, muck-mouth, you cut that out.

Martha. Martha's a devil with language.

She really is.

Kids, sit down.

Isn't this lovely?

- Oh, yes, indeed. Very handsome.

- Oh, well, thank you.

Who did the painting?

That? Oh, that's by...

Some Greek with a mustache

Martha attacked one night in a...

It's got a...

- Quiet intensity?

- Well, no, a...

Well, then a certain noisy,

relaxed quality maybe?

- No, what I meant was...

- A quietly noisy relaxed intensity?

Dear, you're being joshed.

I'm aware of that.

I'm sorry. What it is, actually...

...it's a pictorial representation

of the order of Martha's mind.

Fix the kids a drink, George.

What would you like to drink?

Honey...

- What would you like?

- Oh, I don't know, dear.

A little brandy maybe.

Never mix, never worry.

Brandy? Just brandy.

Simple, simple.

What about you...?

- Bourbon on the rocks, if you don't mind.

- Mind? I don't mind. Don't think I mind.

Martha, rubbing alcohol for you?

Sure. Never mix, never worry.

Never mix, never worry.

Hey. Hey.

Who 's afraid of Virginia...?

Virginia Woolf?

Wasn't that funny?

- That was so funny, huh?

- Yes, it was.

I thought I'd bust a gut. I really did.

George didn't think it was funny at all.

Martha thinks that unless you, as she

puts it, bust a gut, you're not amused.

Unless you carry on like a hyena,

you're not having fun.

Well, I certainly had fun.

It was a wonderful party.

- Yes, it certainly was.

- And your father, oh, he is so wonderful.

- Yes, yes, he is.

- Yeah.

- Oh, I tell you.

- He's quite a guy, isn't he?

- Quite a guy.

- You better believe it.

- Oh, he's a marvelous man.

- I'm not trying to tear him down.

- He's a god. We all know that.

- You lay off my father.

Yes, love. I mean, when you've had

as many faculty parties as I have...

- I rather appreciated it.

- You what?

I mean aside from enjoying it,

having fun, I appreciated it.

Meeting everyone,

getting introduced around.

The way he had us put up out at the inn

till our place is ready.

- Why, when I was teaching in Kansas...

- You won't believe it...

...but we had to make our way

all by ourselves. Isn't that right, dear?

- Why, yes...

- We had to make our own way.

I would have to go up to the wives

in the library or the supermarket...

...and say, "Hello, I am new here.

You must be Mrs. So-and-So,

Dr. So-and-So's wife."

It really wasn't very nice at all.

Daddy knows how to run things.

- He's a remarkable man.

- You bet your sweet life.

Let me tell you a secret, baby.

There are easier things in this world...

...if you happen

to be teaching at a university...

...easier than being married

to the daughter...

...of the president of that university.

There are easier things in this world.

It should be an extraordinary opportunity.

For some men

it would be the chance of a lifetime.

There are, believe me,

easier things in this world.

Some men would give their right arm

for the chance.

Alas, in reality

it works out that the sacrifice...

...is of a somewhat more private

portion of the anatomy.

I wonder if you could show me

where the...

Are you all right?

Of course, dear. I just want to

put some powder on my nose.

Martha, will you show her

where we keep the euphemism?

What?

I'm sorry.

I want to show you the house anyway.

We'll be back, dear.

- Honestly, George, you burn me up.

- All right.

- You really do, George. You really do.

- Okay, Martha, just trot along.

Just don't shoot your mouth off

about you-know-what.

I'll talk about

any goddamn thing I want to.

Okay, okay, vanish.

- Any goddamn thing I want.

- Vanish.

Come on.

What'll it be?

I'll stick to bourbon, I guess.

So you're in the Math Department?

No.

No.

Martha said you were.

I think that's what she said.

What made you decide to be a teacher?

Well, the same things

that motivated you, I imagine.

- What were they?

- Pardon?

What were they?

What were the things that motivated me?

Well, I'm sure I don't know.

You said the things that motivated you

and me were the same.

- I said I imagined they were.

- Oh, did you?

Oh, well.

You like it here?

- Yes, it's fine.

- I meant the university.

Oh, I thought you meant...

I could see you did.

I meant the university.

Well, I like it fine.

Just fine.

You've been here for quite a long time,

haven't you?

What?

Oh, yes. Yes, ever since I married

what's-her-name. Martha.

Even before that. Forever.

Dashed hopes and good intentions.

Good, better, best, bested.

- How's that for a declension?

- Sir, I'm sorry...

- You didn't answer my question.

- Sir?

Don't condescend to me.

I asked how you liked that declension:

Good, better, best, bested.

Well?

- I really don't know what to say.

- You really don't know what to say?

Want me to say it's funny, so you

can contradict me and say it's sad?

Or shall I say it's sad

so you can say it's funny?

You can play that game

any way you want to.

Very good, very good.

When my wife comes back,

I think we'll...

Now, calm down. Just calm down.

All right?

- Another drink? Let me...

- I still have one.

- And I think when my wife comes down...

- Let me freshen it. Stay there.

What I mean is, you and your wife

seem to be having some sort of a...

Martha and I are having nothing. Martha

and I are merely exercising, that's all.

We're merely walking what's left

of our wits. Don't pay any attention.

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