Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Page #3

- Still, I think we...

- Well, now, let's sit down and talk.

It's just that I don't like to become

involved in other people's affairs.

You'll get over that. Small college.

- Musical beds is the faculty sport here.

- Sir?

I said, musical... Never mind. I wish

you wouldn't go, "Sir." How old are you?

- Twenty-eight.

- I'm 40-something.

Well? Aren't you surprised?

I mean, don't I look older?

I think you look fine.

I've always been lean. I use the handball

courts. How much do you weigh?

Hundred fifty-five, 60, something

like that? Do you play handball?

Not very well.

We should play sometime.

Martha is 108...

...years old.

She weighs somewhat more than that.

How old is your wife?

She's 26.

Martha is a remarkable woman.

I would imagine she weighs around 110.

- Your wife weighs...?

- No, my boy...

...your wife. My wife is Martha.

- Yes, I know.

- Yes.

Yes, well, if you were married to Martha

you would know what it means.

And if I were married to your wife,

I would know what that means too.

Yes.

Martha says you're in

the Math Department or something.

No, I'm not.

Martha's seldom mistaken. Maybe

you should be in the Math Department.

I'm a biologist.

I'm in the Biology Department.

- Sir?

- You're the one.

You're the one's gonna make

that trouble, making everyone the same.

Rearranging the "chromozones,"

or whatever it is. Isn't that right?

Not exactly. Chromosomes.

I'm very mistrustful.

Do you believe

we learn nothing from history?

- I'm in the History Department.

- Yes, I know.

Martha tells me often that

I'm in the History Department...

...as opposed to being the History

Department, in the sense of running it.

I do not run the History Department.

I don't run the Biology Department.

- You're 21.

- Twenty-eight.

Perhaps when you're 40-something

you will run the History Department.

- Biology.

- Biology Department, of course.

I'm really very mistrustful.

I read somewhere that science fiction

is not really fiction at all.

That you people are

rearranging my genes...

...so that everyone will be

like everyone else.

I suspect we will not have much music,

much painting.

But we will have a civilization of sublime

young men very much like yourself.

Cultures and races will vanish.

The ants will take over the world.

Don't know much about science,

do you?

I know something about history.

I know when I'm being threatened.

Your wife doesn't have

any hips, does she?

What?

Oh, I didn't mean to suggest

that I'm hip-happy.

I was implying

that your wife is slim-hipped.

Yes, she is.

You got any kids?

No, not yet. You?

That's for me to know

and you to find out.

Indeed.

No kids, huh?

What's the matter?

Nothing. We just...

We wanted to wait till we're settled.

Do you think you'll be happy

here at New Carthage?

Well, we hope to stay here.

I don't mean forever.

Well, I wouldn't let that get bandied

about. The old man wouldn't like it.

Martha's father expects his staff

to come here and grow old...

...and fall in the line of service.

One man, a professor of Latin

and elocution...

...actually fell in the

cafeteria line one lunch.

But the old man is not gonna fall

anywhere. The old man is not gonna die.

There are rumors...

...which you must not breathe in front

of Martha, for she foams at the mouth...

...that the old man, her father...

...is over 200 years old.

There's probably an irony there, but

I'm not drunk enough to figure it out.

Martha!

Damn it.

I wonder what women talk about when

the men are talking. I must find out.

What do you want?

Isn't that a wonderful sound?

- George!

- How many kids you gonna have?

I don't know. My wife is...

Slim-hipped.

Well, there's one of you at least.

You must see this house, dear.

- This is such a wonderful old house.

- Yes.

- Martha!

- For chrissake, hang on a minute!

She'll be right down, she's changing.

- She's changing? What, her clothes?

- Yes.

- Her dress.

- Why?

I imagine that she wants

to be comfortable.

Oh, she does, does she?

- Well, heavens, I should think...

- You don't know.

- You all right, dear?

- Yes, dear, perfectly fine.

So she wants to be comfortable,

does she?

Well, we'll see about that.

I didn't know that you had a son.

- What?

- A son. I hadn't known.

- You to know and me to find out, huh?

- Tomorrow is his birthday.

- He will be 16.

- Well.

- She told you about him?

- Well, yes.

- She told you about him?

- Yes.

- You said she's changing?

- Yes.

- And she mentioned...

- Your son's birthday, yes.

Okay, Martha. Okay.

You look pale. Would you like...?

Yes, dear, a little more brandy maybe.

- Just a drop.

- May I use the...?

- Okay, Martha. What?

- Bar.

What? Yes, yes. By all means, drink

away. You'll need it as the years go on.

Damn destructive...

Oh, what time is it, dear?

- Two-thirty.

- So late.

Maybe we should be getting home.

For what? You keeping the babysitter up

or something?

I told you we didn't have children.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

I wasn't even listening.

Or thinking.

Whichever one applies.

We'll go in a while.

Oh, no. No, you mustn't.

Martha is changing,

and Martha is not changing for me.

Martha hasn't changed for me in years.

Her changing means we're

gonna be here for days.

You're being accorded an honor.

You mustn't forget Martha is

the daughter of our beloved boss.

She is his right arm.

I'd use another word,

but we leave that sort of talk to Martha.

What sort of talk?

Well, now.

Why, Martha, your Sunday chapel dress.

Oh, that's most attractive.

You like it? Good.

What the hell do you mean

screaming up the stairs at me?

We got lonely, darling. We got lonely

for the soft purr of your little voice.

Well, you just trot over

to the bar-i-poo and...

And make your little mommy

a great big drink.

That's right.

Say, you must be quite a guy...

...getting your master's

when you were, what, 12?

- Hear that, George?

- Twelve and a half, actually.

No, 19, really.

Honey, you needn't

have mentioned that.

I'm proud of you.

- I'm very impressed.

- You're damn right.

I said I was impressed.

Beside myself with jealousy.

What do you want me to do, throw up?

That's really very impressive.

You should be right proud.

Oh, he's a pretty nice fella.

You might take over

the History Department.

Biology Department.

Biology Department, of course.

I seem preoccupied with history.

What a remark.

"I am preoccupied with history."

George is not preoccupied

with history.

George is preoccupied

with the History Department.

George is preoccupied

with it because...

Because he's not

the History Department...

...but is only in the History Department.

We went through all that

while you were upstairs getting up.

That's right, baby, you keep it clean.

George is bogged down

in the History Department.

He's an old bog

in the History Department.

That's what George is.

A bog, a fen, a G.D. Swamp.

A swamp.

Hey, swamp. Hey, swampy.

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