Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Page #4

Yes, Martha?

Can I get you something?

Well, sure.

You can light my cigarette

if you're of a mind to.

No. There are limits.

A man can put up with only so much

without he descends a rung or two...

...on the old evolutionary ladder,

which is up your line.

Now, I'll hold your hand when it's dark

and you're afraid of the bogeyman.

I'll tote your gin bottles

out after midnight so no one can see.

But I will not light your cigarette.

And that, as they say, is that.

Jesus.

Hey, you played football, huh?

Well, yes, I was a quarterback.

But I was much more adept

at boxing, really.

- Boxing? You hear that, George?

- Yes, Martha.

You must've been good.

Don't look like you got hit in the face.

He was intercollegiate state

middleweight champion.

- Honey.

- Well, you were.

Still look like you have a

pretty good body now too. Is that right?

- Martha, decency forbids...

- Shut up.

Is that right?

Have you kept your body?

- It's still pretty good. I work out.

- Do you?

- Yeah.

- Yes, he has a very firm body.

Have you? Well, I think that's very nice.

Well, you never know.

You know, once you have it...

You never know

when it's gonna come in handy.

I was gonna say,

why give it up until you have to?

I couldn't agree with you more.

I couldn't agree with you more.

Martha, your obscenity

is beyond human...

George here doesn't cotton

too much to body talk.

Paunchy here isn't too happy

when the conversation...

...moves to muscle.

How much do you weigh?

A hundred and fifty-five, 150...

Still at the old middleweight limit, huh?

That's pretty good.

Hey, George.

Tell them about

the boxing match we had.

Christ.

George, tell them about it.

You tell them, Martha, you're good at it.

- Is he all right?

- Him? Oh, sure.

See, George and I had this boxing match

a couple of years after we were married.

- A boxing match? The two of you?

- Oh, really?

Yeah, the two of us. Really.

I can't imagine it.

Well, it wasn't in a ring

or anything like that, you know.

See, Daddy was on this

physical-fitness kick.

So he had a couple of us

over one Sunday...

...and we all went out in the back...

...and Daddy put the gloves on himself...

...and he asked George to box with him.

- Yeah.

- And George didn't want to.

- Yeah.

So Daddy was saying,

"Come on, young man.

What sort of a son-in-law are you?"

And stuff like that.

And while this is going on...

I don't know why I did it.

- I got into a pair of gloves myself...

...and I snuck up behind George,

just kidding, and yelled, "Hey, George!"

And let go with

a sort of roundhouse right.

- Just kidding, you know.

- Yeah, yeah.

And George wheeled around real quick

and caught it right in the jaw.

He caught it right in the jaw.

And he was off-balance...

He must have been.

- And then he landed

flat in a huckleberry bush.

Yeah.

It was awful, really. It was funny.

It was...

I think it's colored our whole lives.

- Pow, you're dead.

- Lord.

Oh, my goodness.

- Where'd you get that, you bastard?

- Let me see that.

I've had it a while.

- Liked that, did you?

- Oh, you bastard.

- I've never been so frightened.

- You liked that?

Oh, that was pretty good.

Hey, give me a kiss.

- Later, sweetie.

- Give me a kiss.

Oh, boy.

So that's what you're after?

- We having blue games for the guests?

- You son of a...

Everything in its place, Martha.

Everything in its own good time.

Drinks now. Drinks for all.

Martha, you've nibbled

away at your glass.

I have not.

I think I need something.

I was never so frightened in my life.

Weren't you frightened,

just for a second?

- I don't remember.

- Now, I bet you were.

Did you really think

I was gonna kill you?

- You kill me? That's a laugh.

- Well, now, I might someday.

- Fat chance.

- Where's the john?

Oh, it's down the hall and to the right.

Now, don't you come back

with any guns or anything.

Oh, no.

You don't need any props,

do you, baby?

I'll bet not.

- No fake gun for you.

- May I leave my drink here?

Why not? We've got half-filled glasses

all over, wherever Martha left them.

In the closet, the bathtub.

I found one in the freezer once.

- You did not.

- Yes, I did.

- You did not.

- Yes, I did.

- Brandy doesn't give you a hangover?

- I never mix.

- And then, I don't drink very much either.

- Oh, good, good.

Your husband was telling us

all about chromosomes.

- What?

- Chromosomes, Martha. He's a biologist.

- He's in the Math Department.

- Biologist.

He's in the Math Department!

Biology.

- Are you sure?

- Well, I ought to be sure.

So he's a biologist. Good for him.

Biology's even better.

It's right at the meat of things.

You're at the meat of things, baby.

She thought that you were

in the Math Department.

Maybe I ought to be.

You stay right where you are.

You stay right at the meat of things.

You're obsessed by that phrase, Martha.

It's ugly.

You stay right there.

You can take over

the History Department...

...just as easy from there

as anyplace else.

Somebody's gotta take over

the History Department someday.

And it ain't gonna be Georgie-boy

over there, that's for sure.

Are you swampy? Are you?

Martha, in my mind, you are

buried in cement right up to the neck.

No, up to the nose. It's much quieter.

When is your son...?

- What?

- Something about your son.

- Son?

- When is your son...?

Where is your son coming home?

- Martha, when's our son coming home?

- Never mind.

No, no, I want to know.

You brought it out into the open.

When's he coming home, Martha?

I said, never mind.

I'm sorry I brought it up.

"Him" up, not "it." You brought him up.

Well, more or less.

When's the little bugger appearing?

Isn't tomorrow his birthday?

I don't want to talk about it.

- But, Martha...

- I don't want to talk about it.

I bet you don't.

She doesn't wanna talk about it. Him.

Martha is sorry she brought it up. Him.

When's the little bugger coming home?

Yes, now that you've had

the bad taste to bring it up...

...when is the bugger coming?

George talks disparagingly

about the little bugger because...

Well, because he has problems.

What problems has the little bugger got?

Not the little bugger.

Stop calling him that!

You. You've got problems.

Never heard of anything more ridiculous.

- Neither have I.

- Honey...

George's biggest problem

about the little...

About our son.

About our great big son...

...is that deep down

in the private pit of his gut...

...he is not completely sure

that it's his own kid.

My God, you're a wicked woman.

And I told you a million times, baby,

I wouldn't conceive with anyone else.

- You know that, baby.

- A deeply wicked person.

- Oh, my, my, my.

- I'm not sure that this is a subject for...

Martha's lying.

I want you to know that right now.

Martha is lying.

There are few things

I am certain of anymore.

But the one thing in this whole,

sinking world that I am sure of...

...is my partnership,

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