Who's Your Daddy? Page #2

our identity by the end of the year.

We talked about it, we didn't vote.

- Actually, we didn't talk about it. Murphy did.

We ignored him.

- Ok, let's get it on right now. Let's vote.

All those who favor dressing Goth,

raise your hands, raise them high!

So Chris, your folks going out of town this weekend?

- What? The clock says 15min till the party!

Hudson Reed.

Does everyone else see them walking... slow?

What is it about that guy?

He's spent his whole life coming in first place.

And I spent mine as runner-up.

Will it ever change?

No, maybe I was popular in the past life.

Maybe in some perlo universe.

I'm Hudson Reed, and he's me.

- Yea, like in an ultra time continued.

When is it my turn to be Hudson?

- You guys up for a trading session?

What are you doing?

Not here, dammit! Never here!

That is it!

I'm getting sick and tired of this.

We are not losers. I bet in other schools, we

would be the cool guys.

I am not about to graduate as a wimper.

I'm going out with a bang.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

- Probably not, but let me tell you this.

Chris Hughes is gonna have the mother

of all high school parties.

The grandmother of all high school parties.

One small problem..

A cool party requires alcohol.

For us, it would require huge quantities

of alcohol.

Boys, while we're away:

Chris, you're in charge of the store.

And no monkey business.

I'm proud of you. When you grab this

party thing by the balls.

I mean look at you. Stealing alcohol, just

to further up our popularity.

This is so decent of you.

- Thanks, you're doing a good job in clearing my consciousness.

Now, will you help me start filling these

jugs?

You crazy? I'm not going to jail, just because

you want to be popular for a day.

"Alcohol fame.

Drinks, drinks, and more free drinks."

"Party like It's still 1999! Come enjoy free

drinks and food at Chris Hughes' house!"

How many fliers did you give to people?

- I don't know. Maybe a thousand.

1000!? No, we can't have 1000, ok?

I'm definetly gonna get grounded for 1000.

We should cancel. We are cancelling, no more.

- Holy sh*t, chicks!

Hey Brittany.. and friends.

- OTR? On the rack?

Inventory. New sample.

It's washed.

You going to the party tonight?

There's no party tonight. Trust me, I would've

heard that long before you would.

Murphy, educate the ladies.

Who's Chris Hugges?

- Chris Hughes, that's me.

Your name's Chris?

- Yea...

You kids are gonna want to get there early.

We're expecting overflow by 9.

Is there going to be liquor?

- Which part of "free drinks" on the flier didn't you understand?

Are you talking to me?

- No.

We're outta here.

Grab me a pack of cigarretes.

So you'll stop by the party?

Get jiggy with it?

Jiggy.. party...

Right...

Later.

Nice move, she'll definetly be there, man!

Put on a condom, I'll get you some.

And some biscuits, for later.

No.

Doyle, bad born guy.

No donkey.

Let's get this show on the road!

- What show? I said no band.

No, the show. My dad's huge monster truck

porn collection.

The folks went bowling last night,

and he forgot to lock his closet.

Your dad locks his closet?

- So I pulled a total Bond, sneaked in and grabbed it.

A little pre-party gig, gentlemen.

Slide over, b*tch!

- You slide over, b*tch!

Who are you calling a b*tch?

- B*tch, I'm calling you b*tch, b*tch.

Girls, do I need to separate you?

- Ok, let's just batten down the hatch, cause here comes the snatch.

This is awesome.

- Hello there, cowboy.

Time to settle up. Is that a gun in your pocket sheriff,

or are you just looking to bone me?

It looks like your sweet ass needs Brandon.

- Adam.. you got this from your dad's closet?

Yeah...

- That adds a whole new meaning to raw hide.

Your dad's playing with the wrong end of

the food.

Yo, pimp daddies! The Murph is ready for the party.

These are my new tailless leather pants.

- Cool! Come-small. Now this is a classic.

Party's blazin'? Wall to wall losers.

What are you boys watching?

Nothing.

- Bro, that's a dick-flick.

- No, no, this is on..

- "Why don't you grab onto my sattle- horn?"

..Discovery Channel. - And what did they discover?

That some guy shot the pulp up their ass?

That's a high hard one.

- Where are you going anyway?

To get light... by a girl.

I'm not willing to watch gay orgy like my

brother. But thanks.

"I don't believe I got your name, cowboy?

- They call me the rump rangler."

"A male pig has a corkscrew shaped penis,

which he slowly winds into the female piggy."

I don't understand. Free drinks, free food,

free drinks. Nothing. Where are the teenagers?

Boys! We've got someone coming!

- Turn on the music.

Hi... okay.

No.

Kate, wait up.

Thanks for stopping by. You don't have to go,

you can stay.

That's ok. Big crowds kinda make me

claustrofobic.

Yeah, me too.

The fire Marshall was gonna shut us down.

But he felt sorry for us.

- That makes two of us.

You look..

different tonight.

Different? Really? Different how?

Different bad, good, creepy?

Good.. different. Yeah, different good.

About the Spring Fling..

If the offer still stands..

and you haven't asked anyone yet,

I was kinda wondering if you..

I'd love to.

- Really? You would?

Then it's...

- It's a working day.

Umm, well... good chat.

So Danny, how was your weekend?

- Great father. I read the last Harry Potter book.

It was magical.

- Reading? Can't go around there.

And Chris?

- I just worked at the store.

Delivered papers, babysat my kid brother.

The usual.

The usual? That's interesting, because as usual,

I was at the store today, doing inventory.

And much to my amazement, the considerable

ammount of stock was missing and not paid for.

Now I find that highly unusual.

Chris, care to explain yourself? I mean,

were you feeding the homeless again, son?

Is that why all my potatoe chips, party dips

and pot pies are missing?

Or perhaps did the lord Jesus himself drop by

and turned all my alcohol into water?!

Father, you might also wanna question Chris

about the hardcore man-on-man gay porno..?

You see, there was a...

- A party?

Is that what there was, son? A bunch of underaged kids

running around through our house, no adult supervision?

Alcohol, condoms... gay porn!!?

He wishes. - You're grounded. I've already

deducted the money from your bank account.

"Loser."

- I'll get it.

Carl.

- Harry Potter, huh?

I'm looking for Chris Hughes.

- You're looking at him.

I'm sorry to inform you that your parents are dead.

- I was just wishing that. -Excuse me?

I hate to break it to you, but everybody's breathing

here. Thanks for stopping by and creeping me out though..

Your biological parents, Chris.

There was an accident.

I never met them.

They're good people. Decent, hardworking.

I was their lawyer. Hunt, Michael.

- Mike Hunt.

I prefer Michael.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Chris. There'll be a reading

of the will in Los Angeles, 3 days hence.

And my law-firma provides you with 2 airline tickets.

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