Who's Your Daddy? Page #4

for coming!

I left several messages for Mr. Mike Hunt. I'm

starting to worry.

Don't worry about it. Danny, pass the country

squash, will you?

Holy f***!

- Danny, what did you just say!?

"Young Chris Hughes Mack, raised

right here in the heartland of Xenia,

was crowned king of the greatest pornography

empire on the planet."

This can't be good.

- Mack? What in god's name..

Satan be that name!

- "..the adopted son of local grocers, Carl and Beverly Hughes."

I need a drink.

- Honey, you don't drink.

You're right, maybe I just need an aspirine for

this irritating pain.

SLEE-P-TIME

(Remedy for Sleepness)

Mom! Dad!

Only the losers are working for spring break.

- We're working overtime for the kids!

We are the kids.

- Ok, fine, forget about it. I don't need you, I'll print the damn paper myself.

Just go party, drink, fornicate.

But let me remind you of this, ok? No high school student has

ever just woken up one day and suddenly become a millionaire.

"The local Xenia High School Senior, Chris Hughes

Mack, inherited a whopping $87mil today."

Check you out, bro.

Tonight is your night. You're the boss;

anything you need, you just ask for it.

Brittany Van Horn?

This is just so exciting! He's worth billions and

I'm his girlfriend.

We've been dating ever since 3rd grade.

- I can't believe he said your name on TV.

That's huge. You're so lucky.

- Tell me about it.

We're gonna get married and I'm gonna get out

of this stupid town.

Frank is such a cutie-pie.

- Chris.

What? - His name is Chris. Your future

husband's name is.. Chris..

...Hughes.

- Whatever, like that matters.

So how does it feel?

- Like leaning back too far in a chair.

If you are anything like your father,

you will be just fine.

I just wish I would've known him.

- He was smooth as soak.

He was the one who got me take off all my

clothes.

Good old dad. So, Angel of the Month, are your

folks proud of you for..

..taking off my clothes?

- Something like that.

They're ok with it. Plus, it's artistic nudes,

not those lame beaver shots.

You see, most of the mags want you all oiled

up,

and spread wide eagle.. maybe going down

with some girl.

Which is cool and all, but where's the art in it?

Would you excuse me one second?

I have to use the men's.. room..

Excuse me.

- Elissa!

Chris!

Looking good, baby.

You're Heather McKay, Angel of February! You're the most

limber woman I have ever seen, including Ricky Martin.

I've jerked at your pictures so many times, that

my blisters have blisters,

and I just didn't say that out loud, did I?

- It's ok. I've heard it all before.

You must have gotten my letters.

You must have gotten my letters.

This? This isn't real. It's a new fad.

I can get you one.

Really? No thank you.

We've got a lot in common; turn on's, sunsets,

long walks on the beach.

Manhood riding motorcycles.

You're a Pisces, I'm a Leo.

You were a high school cheerleader.

I currently attend high school.

The name's Adam, but my friends call me..

- Dumpy!

I need to talk to you.

- Chris? Hi. I'm your february Angel.

Heather.

- Chris, buddy!

You two aren't friends, are you?

- I need to talk to you now!

Hey! I was looking for you.

- Hey. Something came up.

Come on Mr. Chairman, are you ready for your

"shake-your- booty" dance? - I'm the son of Peter Mack.

My booty was born ready to shake.

- Well, let's go.

It's just bad luck.

If they died before he was 18,

this estate would have automatically belong

to you.

It's dreadful! Just thinking about him puts me into

coma. I mean, where the hell is Xenia, Ohio, anyway?

It's near Columbus.

- I know where it is.

I've lived for 10 years under the shadow of

my idiot brother,

and now, everything's in the hands of this

idiot child.

I don't know how long I can keep up with this

"uncy duncay" routine, before I break his head!

The important thing here is to make sure he does

not catch wind with your fancy math with the books.

I don't wish to go to jail for embezzlement.

Consuelo, hold it!

Nobody is going to jail.

Especially not me.

And if anybody has to go to jail, it will be you. So put this

on your legal post-it's: "never mention embezzlement again!"

Let's just focus on trying to keep it together

for a few weeks.

I can convene the board of directors the minute

he misses the issue's dead line.

Then, the entire empire is all ours.

- It's mine! It's mine!

It's mine!

I spoke to your mother this morning.

- How is she doing?

Is she gonna be medicated?

- No, why? -Never mind.

It seems like everybody in Xenia, Ohio, are a

little baddy over this whole incident.

She's concerned that all this pressure will

get to you.

Pressure?

You have next month's issue to get to print, not to mention

the preparations for the next board of directors meeting.

And let's see.. the real estate approvals..

Can't you do all that?

- I'd love to... help you out.

But It's not my company, Chris.

It's yours.

I am simply here to smooth the transition to you.

Does Chris get to pick the nudy girls?

- Ofcourse. To run Heaven is to be the final say, and who becomes an Angel.

I love this job already.

- Good, because today, I thought we could begin with financial quotion reviews.

Financial quotion reviews?

- I love hard work.

There was a reporter on the phone, calling

from Xenia Porcupine.

Kate!

- Psycho- lesbo.

Hello Kate.

- Chris, I saw it on the news. Everybody did.

I know, I still can't believe it.

- Chris, I hope you grant the Porcupine Exclusive.

Yeah, sure.

- So, I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then.

The Spring Fling. I wouldn't miss it.

- Good morning boys.

Guess what, my mom went out and got me a

new dress.

I hope you'll like it.

Hello?

- Good morning. -Good morning.

What are you doing here? - Hello?

- We live here.

For a few months at least. All the Angels that live

in the mansion were promoting the magazine.

Chris, your dad was a f***ing Einstein!

Would you guys like to come out with us to the pool?

- A refreshing dip in the water? Yes!

No, we can't. We have to work.

- Work? But you're the big boss.

Couldn't we do this later?

- The issue has to get to print,

and you have a lot of catching up to do.

But you're the big boss, it's your decision.

Chris, might I conference with you for the

moment? Excuse us.

Two hot chicks who seemingly have no issues

with nudity want to hang out with us.

This is our chance to lose virginity.

Uncle Duncay, time for a lunch break.

Books and charts are gonna have to wait.

By order of the big boss.

That's it!

It's cool.

Let's play.

I am so glad that we spent time getting

to know you.

Yeah Chris, I'm happy that your folks died.

Mind if I come in?

- Yes, I do. Can you please leave?

Can I offer you something to drink?

Why Mr. Bond, aren't we a little too young to drink?

- Age has no power over style.

Slow down, stud. - Care for a bubblebath?

- I don't think so.

Oh, please..

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