Who Needs Enemies

And I say unto you, love your

enemies, bless them that curse you, do.

...good to them that hate you and

pray for them that despitefully use.

...you and persecute you.

That ye may be the children of

the Father, which is in heaven.

For he maketh the sun rise on the

evil and on the good and sendeth.

...the rain on the just and on the unjust.

She says, "did you hear what

that bus driver just said to me?

He just really f***ing insulted me".

So the geezer turns to her and

says, "you go out there, go on, you.

...sort him out, you have word with

him, babe... I'll hold your monkey.

...for you'."

Aye? What the f***ing hell

is the matter with you two?

It's like getting blood out of a stone!

No mate, it's just that you're

jokes ain't f***ing funny.

I mean, it is just racist, innit?

What do you mean, how

the f*** is that racist?

What, and calling a kid a monkey

ain't insinuating that she is black.

What, so you are saying that

everyone that's black is a f***ing.

Do me a favour, Chris, for fucks sake.

It's a racist, stupid joke

and you want us to laugh at it.

F***ing hell.

It's like a f***ing morgue.

You alright, Tone?

Yeah mate, sorry.

Just a bit tired.

Here, Mark, I've got

another one for you anyway.

Do me a favour Chris, spare me.

No, you'll like this one.

What did the fish say when they

pulled him out of the water?

I honestly couldn't give a f***.

F***ing mug.

F***ing mug.

F***ing told you I'd kill him didn't I?

F***ing told you I'd kill the c*nt!

Oh f***!

Hello Bash.

Where are you mate?

Oi Tony, Tony.

Look, look.

Bash, Bash will you come

and pick me up please?

Can I have a lift please Bash,

please you gonna let me in the back.

...of your van?

Bash, come and get me Bash,

come and get me Ba... Oi!

F***ing mug.

Ask Tom.

He'll tell you where to find it.

If he doesn't?

Persuade him.

Chris, one more thing.

You might find some documents.

I'm telling you for your own safety...

...don't look at them,

they're confidential.

Try again.

Will you pay attention and stop texting!

Well, its a nice little earner for you.

Just call me when you're done.

Pain is life's way of telling

you you're still alive.

Get up.

Who is it?

Who is it?

Alright Tony, what's up?

Hello, Tom.

Jesus Christ, what was that?

That was a right hook.

I told you I'd talk to him.

So f***ing talk to him,

what's the matter with you.

What?

You f***ing killed him.

You're joking?

I must have pushed his

f***ing nose through his brain...

I've always wanted to do that.

F***ing awesome.

We'll just have to find

it ourselves won't we?

Come on.

Right then.

We've got a big bag of money to find.

Come on.

It's nice digs innit?

I'm calling Bash.

Mark...

Give me a hand dragging

him around the corner...

...in case someone knocks on the door.

I don't do lugging dead

bodies around, mate.

It's not in my job

description, sorry Tone.

Alright boys.

Bash.

I pushed his nose through his brain.

That's a myth.

Mate, I've studied martial arts

for twenty f***ing years, physically.

...impossible to put someone's

nose bone through their brain.

Yeah, well I disagree.

I bet he f***ing would as well.

You've been watching

too many f***ing movies.

So why's he dead?

I think it's fair to assume that

somebody pushed a nose bone into.

...your brain.

Alright listen, enough, one dead

body at a time please fellas.

Why don't you stick

to what you do best at?

Get rid of that.

What the f***, Tom.

Dirty bastard.

Thank you, Tom.

...or are you gonna come and help?

Oi.

Shhhh.

F***ing cheeky c*nt!

How come you never pick up

the phone when I call you?

F***ing

cheeky little f***ing mug.

I swear to my mother I'm

going to kill that c*nt.

It's been three weeks.

...and not even a text message.

What's all that about?

Are you there?

Yes, Louise, I'm listening, I'm here.

Who the f***'s Louise?

This is Kelly.

Ah.

Look, Kelly, I don't

mean to be funny but...

...let's be honest about this,

you're a waitress aren't you?

So you're kind of punching above

your weight here, aren't you babe?

Oh my god you're an arse-hole!

Yeah, listen, I'm going to hang

up now because I've got a call.

waiting...

Wait I've got something to...

Hello?

Why did you hang up on me earlier?

Well more to the point

why did you call me back?

Don't know anymore.

Bet I've got a rough idea.

What you doing?

Listen, what you doing later?

Why don't you ask that

Kelly who keeps calling you?

Kelly's my cousin you doughnut.

No, i feel so silly.

So you should.

But you're lucky because I

like them dumb and beautiful.

Yeah, you're not that f***ing

beautiful either but the alcohol.

...helps.

You bastard!

Listen, I've got to go alright?

I'll speak to you later.

Mark?

What's he doin' out there?

You gonna mope about all day

or you gonna give me a hand?

Get it out that bag, bring it in.

Yes, Sir.

Be funny if it was a

bag of porn wouldn't it?

Not really mate.

Nice.

That's a lot sexier than a bag of porn!

Where the f*** did you find all that?

Who cares.

All I care about is getting paid.

Hello, hello...

...very conspicuous looking

envelope wouldn't you agree.

Tony.

Hold on, don't do that.

Do what?

Ian warned me about those.

Put 'em back, they're confidential.

Now you're just tempting me aren't you?

No, I'm f***ing warning

you, put them back.

Oops.

Oops.

F***ing hell Chris.

What's with all the tools, you're

like a f***ing Swiss army knife.

I can hardly say that

I'm very surprised Tony.

He is a tool.

That's it, you f***ing c*nt!

Take it easy, mate, take

it easy, calm the f*** down.

with his snidy comments all f***ing day.

Find out who you're talking to!

Alright, alright.

Find out who you're f***ing talking to.

Alright, I apologise, alright?

Whatever I've said, I'm sorry.

Why don't you take a few

deep breaths and calm down.

I'll calm down when I

f***ing say I'm calm.

Alright...

...you win.

Smart choice.

I'm gonna go for a piss.

Pack it up and let's

get the f*** out of here.

Alright.

Calm down when I say I'm calm.

Oi mate.

No Tony...

I found this bag, not you and not him...

I've got a right to know

what's in it, alright?

I don't want to know what's in it,

I'm not interested I don't care.

It's your choice.

You alright mate?

What the f***'s he playing at in there?

Mark come on mate it's getting

late, we've got to head off.

What did you bring

this f***ing geezer for?

[Footsteps[

You alright mate?

This was never about the money...

...it's to do with these pictures.

What pictures?

Yes, I looked in the f***ing envelope.

And you need to see-

You f***ing mug.

Give me the envelope.

We can keep the money, Ian will

never know, all he cares about is.

...his f***ing pictures.

Give me the f***ing pictures now Mark.

Look at them Tony.

Look at them.

It's best we don't know

what's in the envelope mate.

Say one more f***ing word and

I'll make you a blind man, do you.

...understand me?

We should keep the money though.

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