Wishin' and Hopin' Page #3

Hello.

Things had most definitely

Gotten more interesting.

Come in.

Does anyone have a question

for our new student?

Yes, Rosalie?

Are you a communist?

To the girl

with a bow in her hair

ooh

Zhenya Kabokova

Had the kind of frenzied smile

usually reserved

For game show hosts

And was the strangest girl

we'd ever met.

Each day before school,

Her father would walk her to the

entrance singing the same song.

And before he'd leave,

He'd finish the ritual by giving

her a kick to the rear end,

Which she'd pretend to be

surprised by

Every single time.

She also had this bizarre,

tangy odor to her,

Which we later found out

Was because she would condition

her hair with mayonnaise,

As apparently did...

Many, many girls

in soviet union.

Then there was the fish.

Day after day,

She'd eat the exact same thing

for lunch.

And I wished in my heart

she could care

Along with

the mayonnaise hair,

She returned to class smelling

like a tuna sandwich.

Given my ring

to the girl with a bow

in her hair

Hey, guys.

Too easy.

Drop it.

Detention, Mr. Flood.

Yes, sister.

Felix Funicello.

Yes, sister?

Mother Filomena wants

to see you in her office.

Come along.

Sit there.

Felix?

Felix.

You may have a seat.

Monsignor Muldoon

has brought you a gift.

Wasn't that nice of him?

How much do you know about the

life of this school's namesake?

Not a lot, monsignor.

Well...

I want you to have this.

And you might find it

very inspirational...

After what

we talked about earlier.

And you might find

that this boy...

could be the perfect...

example...

for you

To emulate.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yes, monsignor.

Oh, yes, monsignor?

Isn't there something else

that you'd like to say, Felix?

Nothing?

Felix.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you, monsignor.

You're welcome, son.

Can I go now?

May I go now,

and yes.

You may.

Read the book.

He's really a very sweet boy.

I thought you handled that well.

You don't know

what he's been doing.

Psst.

Felix.

What do you want?

What'd you have to go

to the office for?

I quickly thought,

"What would make her go

completely ape?"

I'm getting a top secret

big award.

For what?

You writing a book?

Make that chapter a mystery.

I'd rather write

a monster story

About an ugly dwarf named Dondi.

You want to borrow my comb

so you can brush your leg hair?

Go eat a hairy bird.

Mademoiselle!

He started it!

Well, I only heard you,

not monsieur.

Go back to your seat.

It says here

he avoided females,

Including his own mother,

And put wood in his bed

every night

To distract himself

from temptations of the flesh.

I don't know why I'm supposed

to be like him.

He bathed lepers and carried

away their slop pails.

Their slop?

Oh, man.

Hey.

What'd you say

to monsignor Muldoon

To make him give you this

anyways?

Well...

hey, Lonny.

I didn't know you were here.

You gonna have dinner

with us?

Actually, mom,

can he stay the night?

Sure, as long as it's okay

with his mom.

It sure is, Mrs. Funicello.

My old lady says you can keep me

as long as you wanted...

Forever,

as far as she's concerned.

Well, I'm sure

she was just joking.

But I want you boys in bed

by 10:
00.

Come on, ma.

Well, come on, Felix.

You got to go to church

in the morning.

But that's no fair.

How come pop never has to go

to church?

Do I have to remind you

pop has a business,

And that business puts food

on the table?

But, ma.

Come on.

You're embarrassing yourself

in front of your friend.

I ain't embarrassed,

Mrs. Funicello.

We fight in my house

all the time.

That's very polite of you,

Lonny,

But we weren't fighting.

We were having a disagreement.

What if we go

to the later mass?

Fine.

Midnight.

When I say, "lights out,"

it's lights out.

Okay, fine.

Swear on a stack of bibles,

Mrs. Funicello.

Hey, tootsie cake.

Look what I got.

What is that?

It's a tree.

No, it's not.

It's a cardboard box.

Ah, it's a color wheel tree.

I thought we'd do something

real special this year.

- Right, Felix?

- Right, pop.

Hey, Lonny.

La

Aluminum or real,

The tree was the first

official sign

That Christmas

was right around the corner.

You know, it's gonna look

pretty good

Once you get the color wheel

going.

We can do better

than pretty good.

Yeah, by the red reindeer.

Wa

Pop was always big

On having the right balance

of bells to lights to tinsel.

But that year,

he took extra care

In making sure

everything was perfect.

Put that...

there.

Yeah.

We let them know who's sharp

during the holidays, huh?

Hey, come get me.

Okay, Turdski.

- Knuckle sandwich.

- Hey.

I almost forgot.

Yeah, what do you mean?

Oh, that's mine.

Where'd you get it?

Let's just say I'm robin hood.

I steal from the rich

and give to the poor.

What makes you think

I'm poor, wise guy?

Hey, all I was saying was that

the teachers are the bad guys,

And we're the good guys.

Okay.

Come on.

Your pop's real old,

isn't he?

I guess so...

Older than my ma is.

Did they have to get married?

I'm guessing they wanted to.

Why?

I'm just wondering.

My old man had

to marry my old lady

Since my brother

was already in the oven.

How's a woman like an oven?

How?

'Cause you got to heat them

both up

Before you stick

in the meatloaf.

You know,

You're lucky, Felix.

Your old man's real neat.

Mine's out of town all the time

for work,

And I never get to see him.

Lonny's pop

was actually in prison,

But he didn't need to know

I knew that.

You know, you're right.

I am lucky.

Well, I'm getting sleepy.

Good night.

Night, dingle berry.

I'm rubber,

and you're glue.

What ever you say

bounces off of me

And sticks to you.

You sure are rubber,

all right...

for a teeny weeny tootsie roll.

I know you are,

but what am I?

The gate's closed,

no backsies.

If sleeping on wood

Made St. Aloysius

a better person...

Lonny.

I was willing

to give it a try.

Ow.

Don't ask.

Ma and Frances had

gone to the diner after mass

To help pop,

Leaving Simone in charge to make

sure we made it to church.

What are those things

in your hair, Simone?

They're splays.

I'm in a modeling show

at G. Fox later today.

Don't let her fool you.

They're transmitters.

She's dating Robby the robot.

Even if I knew who that was,

It still wouldn't be funny.

Lonny didn't

take his eyes off Simone.

He just kept swallowing

like he was thirsty.

Let me help you with that.

She can get it.

Thank you.

Sit down before these

delicious pancakes get cold.

Okay.

- Oh! Oh!

- Got you!

That is not funny!

I told you

I would get you next time.

Oh.

We didn't see Simone again

For the rest of the morning,

So we were left to find

our own way to church.

We should ditch church

and go to the movies instead.

No way.

It's all the same.

Jesus... Good,

Satan... Bad,

Never any fun.

But I promised ma.

Oh, well,

okay then, Rosalie.

Hey, cut it out.

I'm sorry, I just get

All the little goody two-Shoe

girls mixed up.

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